


Baking with Benefits

by GamblingDementor



Category: In the Heights - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bakery, Alternate Universe - Bookstore, Baking, Books, F/M, Fluff, Gen, yes both
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-01
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-01-28 02:05:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 56,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12595700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GamblingDementor/pseuds/GamblingDementor
Summary: When without notice, Benny gets fired from Rosario's Books, he has no choice but to accept Daniela's gracious offer and work at her bakery. But why does he miss his former coworker Nina so much?orWhen Vanessa accidentally starts hooking up with her roommate's childhood friend and coworker Usnavi, will she come clear and admit to the truth or will her nosy boss have to pry it out from her?orWhen Daniela smells the scent of gossip thick in the air, will she be able to refrain from hurting her protégée's feelings and stick to baking pies?





	1. Benny's Departure

**Author's Note:**

> This is my NaNoWriMo fic this year! Expect daily updates and yell at me when they don't come.
> 
> Only some chapters contain mature content and they will be clearly described as such in their chapter notes.

Nina should have seen it coming. She should have known life was harder than this, her comfortable little lot. After all the pieces starting to fit together, working for the family bookshop with two coworkers she loves to bits, getting a little place a few streets away with Vanessa who was just out of a roommate, with a cat and plants and the best leftovers from Vanessa's work at the bakery, Nina should have expected that her luck would be struck down soon. Life is not made of joyful roommate glee and jobs you're passionate about. It's also made of hard choices and the consequences thereof.

 

She wishes at least it'd been her own choice.

 

"Alright," Benny sighs with obvious self-restraint when he walks out of her father's office. "This is goodbye."

 

Usnavi, dear Usnavi who was cleaning up the shelves with his trusty feather duster, perks up, eyes widening in confusion.

 

"You're not done till eight," he says. "What about closing time?"

 

Benny glances at him, giving him a soft smile, then grabs his jacket from the small employee closet. He tugs it snugly shut, wraps his scarf around his neck − it's getting fresh and cold out there, November already − and nods at Nina before answering Usnavi.

 

"Dude, I got fired."

 

Behind them comes the hard cough of Kevin Rosario clearing his throat, a hand heavy on Nina's shoulder as her heart tumbles into pieces.

 

"You have a safe walk home, Benny," he says. "Thank you for… erm… for your understanding."

 

"Yeah," Benny says, not meeting their eyes, not even Nina's. "You're  _welcome_."

 

" _Benny!_ " Nina cries out, wrenching herself from her father's touch. "Dad, what is he talking about? You can't fire him!"

 

Benny gives a half-hearted shrug, a sad smile, and leaves the store. The bells at the entrance chime as he exits and Nina refuses to process their meaning. There's a tug at her heart as she watches him walk away through the windows that turns into anger. She turns back around, jabbing her finger into her father's chest.

 

"What did you do?!"

 

He raises apologetic hands, already mumbling to find an answer that never comes. Nina glares at him. Behind her, Usnavi puts a soft tentative hand on her shoulder, trying to give her what comfort he can. To no effect, of course, but it's not like her to be ungrateful of his affections. She covers his hand with hers and forces herself to give him a gentle smile so he can go on with cleaning up their little bookstore without worrying about her. He has nothing to do with it, although truth be told, he  _is_  supposed to be Benny's best friend in the world and to take his side no matter what. Nina wishes that loyalty would come up just now.

 

"Mija…" Her mom chimes in, utterly unwelcome. "Don't…"

 

Nina tries to glare at her too, but then, she's not strong enough to uphold Camila Rosario's gaze for that long, much less to defy it. She turns away, fury thumping at her temples.

 

"I did what was best for our business," her dad says and dashes out to take his lunch break outside. That's something new, too. In the six years that Nina has worked at their family bookstore, she's seldom known him to eat out. She supposes, hopes that guilt is weighing on him. It certainly is heavy on her shoulders.

 

Minutes pass where she stands there motionless, helpless, and she still cannot believe a thing of what happened, cannot accept that Benny could just get fired like that, gone in the blink of an eye. In a corner, she sees her mom and Usnavi whispering to each other out of her reach and decides to ignore them. She doesn't feel much like talking. Besides, talking would distract her from her thoughts, and she has to keep her mind in the exact perfect state of quiet reflection to come up with a plan.

 

It's not like this was absolutely out of the realm of possibilities she envisioned. Rosario's Books has been in trouble ever since that Barnes & Noble took over the 168th with prices the Rosarios could only hope to be able to match. It seems people would much rather walk down a few more blocks than visit their little family shop up in the Heights. Nina knew that finances were veering into the red, no matter how hardworking the boys. Their store used to be much more packed, but with clientele thinning out, how indispensable were an extra pair of hands? She just never imagined the discarded helping hands would be Benny's. She doesn't know what she thought.

 

 _It's unfair_ , she tells herself over and over.  _It's not right and it's prejudiced, probably, and I need to fix it._ Her mom has excused herself to their little apartment upstairs hours ago and closing hour is approaching and Nina is still ruminating it, hoping that the connections will reveal themselves to her and she'll find the best plan for everyone. Usnavi has taken over the counter, smiling his dorky polite grins to the customers, complimenting little children's choices, recommending Dominican authors, and Nina is glad for his help. She's not sure she's up for anything social, not with all sorts of thoughts bumping into each other in her mind. Instead of helping inside the shop, she's keeping inventory in the backroom, stacking books after books and thinking as hard as she ever has. She's almost come up with the entire turn of events she wants to kindle when the door of the small room slams open, hitting her square in the back.

 

"Ouch!"

 

"Nina, I… Dios mío, are you okay?"

 

Her dad fusses with her, making sure she's fine and dandy. She's not, but that's not for him to know. Not today. He doesn't deserve Nina's honest feelings today, not when he obviously cares so little about them.

 

"Fine," she replies curtly, labeling and piling another book, and another.

 

Her dad sits on an empty crate next to her. He makes to grab her hand but stops himself, patting his knee instead, tense. Nina stacks her books. Half-off, 25% off, two for the price of one, anything to get local readers to pick them up.

 

"Do you understand why I had to do this?"

 

Nina fights the urge to groan and roll her eyes.  _Had to do it_. He didn't  _have_  to do anything, he didn't even have to be the one to take action. He could have asked for his employees' opinions, he could have asked  _Nina_  for her opinion. They could have found ways to cut otherwise. They could have tweaked the shift times, the wages. They could have found ways for some of them to find a part time job elsewhere. They could have found something,  _anything_  that would have kept Benny working at Rosario's.

 

"Sure, Dad."

 

 _And why do you care so much?_  comes the voice at the back of her mind that Nina has no time for right now. Nina cares, that's her thing, and she would have cared all the same if he'd decided to cut Usnavi. But of course he didn't, of course he chose to deprive Benny of a job, Benny who has always been just as hardworking as any of them, just as diligent, friendly with customers and coworkers alike, Benny the friend she's always relied on. Benny who doesn't speak Spanish and grew up without a dad.

 

"Bueno, then I can…" He stumbles on his words and, deciding not to finish his thought, slowly stands up, grabbing the pile of books away to go restock the personal development aisle. Just before leaving, he adds, "I'm doing this for the shop, Nina."

 

Usnavi is cleaning up the counter one last time by the time she comes out of the backroom. The sign at the door has already been turned to 'Closed / Cerrado' and her Dad is nowhere in sight − thank God for small mercies. Nina plops onto the chair behind Usnavi.

 

"Can you believe it?" She sighs.

 

Usnavi wipes the surface clean before storing away the towel and sitting next to her, a defeated look on his face.

 

"Yes," he says. "But I don't like it."

 

She nods and leans her head on his shoulder. He leans back into her and she closes her eyes, breathing deep.

 

"We have to fix this."

 

"We…?"

 

He plays with a small rip in his baggy jeans at his knee. Sometimes Nina wonders if he doesn't buy the same size as Benny, but with so much less bulk to fill them up.

 

"Yes,  _we_ ," she says. "And I know exactly how."


	2. Vanessa's Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains smut, not super graphic. It will be very obvious when the sex is about to happen so if you don't read smut, you'll notice and you can just stop reading there, just jump back for the end of the chapter like the last dialogue and couple paragraphs.

_This was the perfect plan_ , Vanessa thinks as soon as she enters the bar. The sign outside said 'Fiesta Latina' and the music is thriving, dulling Vanessa's thoughts of revenge and murder upon the worst boss in the world. It's early in the night but there's people dancing already and the bar is packed. She can't help the smile, though she also wonders what mistake Nina made in inviting her here. It's not like Nina never has fun, but her fun rarely involves a dance floor, much less going out of home on a week night. Vanessa can barely drag her out to go to the movies, so for her to ask they meet up in a bar… This has got to be a misunderstanding of some kind.

  


Mistake or not, Vanessa is grateful for the relief. This week has been horribly stressful, as much as the one before it, and the one before that one, and… The sorrow is as old as time itself, it feels. Or at least it has been part of Vanessa's life ever since she took that job at Daniela's Baked Goods. Most days, she tells herself she doesn't really hate Daniela. She hates the job, for sure, up before dawn to dive her hands into moist dough and for what? To sell a few loaves and smile a fake smile at dumb customers and lose sight of her hopes and dreams? But only some days does she get mad at Daniela.

  


It's just that she can be such an infuriating nosy gossip sometimes, is all, and Vanessa has had enough of her knowing smiles and her teasing glances. It should be enough to reply an earnest 'No, Daniela, I'm not seeing anyone right now and I'm not looking' but then, Daniela never does take no for an answer. Somewhere along the way, she convinced herself that Vanessa was her toy to play with and that her private life is her business. Ever since then, she's relentlessly tried to force herself into Vanessa's life whether Vanessa wants her or not, trying to talk, to share, to _bond_. Vanessa wants none of that. Today, she's been particularly insufferable and Vanessa decides right away to shove her out of her mind for the night.

  


"Hey there, hottie, whatcha thinking about?"

  


She blinks a few times, shaking herself out of her thoughts.

  


"Mmh?"

  


The guy who sat next to her orders two beers, dropping one in front of her. She eyes it disdainfully.

  


"So what's it take to get your number?"

  


"Walk away," she says, turning around to face away from him but he only switches stool to her other side.

  


"C'mon, with that dress? You're totally here to get some…"

  


" _Excus…_ " She starts.

  


"Oh, _there_ you are," some dude says out of the blue and wraps an arm around her waist. "I was looking for you, er, sweetheart?"

  


He's not quite touching her but the gesture is enough to chase the creep away.

  


"Ugh," he sighs. "You could have told me you had a boyfriend."

  


He walks away and Vanessa turns to have a look at her savior. _What a prince charming_. Nerdy smile, weird hat on his head even inside, way too big purple guayabera, he's looking cute as a button. His big brown eyes are on her as he takes a careful seat next to her.

  


"I'm sorry I did that," he says. "You just looked uncomfortable."

  


"I was," she nods. "Thanks."

  


He smiles, his hands fidgeting on his lap and his mouth opens but closes as he doesn't find his words. He glances at her, then away, and makes to stand up.

  


"Okay, so you have a nice night then…"

  


"Wait," she says, grabbing his arm. They both stare at the point of contact before slowly looking into each other's eyes. He has nice eyes, she decides. She likes them. She likes him. "Do you wanna… dance?"

  


On the dance floor, she asks herself if this was really the right choice, the guy as stiff as her late abuelita.

  


"Did your grandma teach you to dance?" She snorts, pulling on his hands, showing him the right way.

  


He laughs self-consciously but follows her moves with caution, letting her lead. She likes the feel of his hand in hers, the smile on his face, the stubble of his goatee.

  


"My cousin," he admits. "He's… twelve."

  


"Well, you'll thank him," she says and her hand at his waist drops to his butt.

  


"Yeah," he says and tightens his grasp on her ever so slightly, just so subtly closer to her. "I'll thank him for everything."

  


Dancing with someone who barely knows what he's doing, as it turns out, is quite tiring and it's soon enough that Vanessa drags him to the bar stools again, getting herself a coke while the guy fumbles with change in his shaking hand. She stops him, squeezing his arm gently.

  


"I pay my own," she says and his shoulders sag in relief. He orders his own drink, something with booze but very light, the kind of drinks Carla would get. She wonders what his lips would taste like after something red and fuzzy like that. "So, what's your name?"

  


"Usnavi," he says, handing the bartender the money, nodding his thanks as he gets his drink and sips on it.

  


The name rings a distant bell that Vanessa has no time to track down the exact memory of.

  


"Vanessa," she replies, eying him up and down. Nice. Very nice. She could work with that. "You wanna hook up?"

  


Usnavi chokes on his drink, spilling a bit on the counter.

  


"What… what did you say?"

  


She gets a napkin to wipe up the mess and repeats her offer.

  


"You wanna hook up? I was supposed to meet a friend but I'm sure she'll…"

  


" _Yes!_ " He cries out.

  


She smirks, emptying her glass of coke while the guy gets a hold of himself.

  


"A'ight, but I, erm… I'll be right back, okay? I'ma get my coat and, er… Don't move," he says hurriedly, then catches the demanding tone in his voice. "I mean, please."

  


"I'm not moving," she smiles, twirling her hair, leaning against the bar.

  


He's barely disappeared in the crowd that a belligerent Nina pops out of nowhere and Vanessa drops her act immediately.

  


"Van!" Nina hisses. "Where were you? I've been looking for you everywhere!"

  


"And I've been looking for _you_ ," Vanessa lies. "Why did you make us meet up here?"

  


"I _know_ , I didn't think this was a party kind of bar, my friend said it was supposed to be quiet most days… Well, nevermind that, we can't stay here, come with me somewhere quiet."

  


_Shit_. Nina's plan to… to do what again? She vaguely remembers something about someone getting fired, and fear of the future… She thinks of the boy waiting for her somewhere in that crowd, how much she liked his smile and his face.

  


"Hey, so, about that… I don't think I…"

  


Nina's face falls, her glare strong enough to pierce walls.

  


"Don't tell me you're about to drop us too? Look, I know I'm late but I had to convince Benny to let me help and I can't get a hold of…"

  


Some tall guy who Vanessa instantly recognizes as Benny, of whom she has heard so much, appears next to Nina, phone in hand.

  


"I just got off with him," he says, shouting through the noise of the crowd. "He can't make it. Says he's sick and at home."

  


Nina groans and she grabs Benny's phone, likely sending whoever is betraying her a strongly worded reply.

  


"I _told_ him I had a plan," she mutters. "The plan was to get all four of us and brainstorm together and…"

  


She goes on and on, loud but not louder than the music and Vanessa's thoughts are too much on the guy she's afraid to lose to really focus. Benny puts a hand on Nina's shoulder, calmly replying to whatever she said, and she turns to him, grabbing onto his arms. As discreetly as she can, Vanessa slips away from her stool and walks away unseen by either of them, too caught up in their discussion to notice her exit. She hates herself for doing this to Nina, who looked quite serious, but then if it was that serious, she wouldn't have asked her to meet in a bar, would she?

  


She spots him from a few steps away, looking around desperately, and takes his arm, kissing his cheek.

  


"Vanessa," he cries out in surprise and she loves how her name sounds like a prayer on his lips. "I thought I'd lost you, I had to take care of… Well…"

  


"My place?" she cuts him and he nods frantically, as if he was afraid she'd retract the offer if he didn't answer soon enough. "Let's get an Uber."

  


Her lips are on his as soon as they get their butts on the backseat of that car, hands inappropriately exploring each other, eager to do more. He does taste as red and fizzy as his drink, exhilarating.

  


"You live in the Heights?" He asks between kisses and Vanessa's palm brushing over his dick through the fabric of his pants gets a groan out of him.

  


"Uh huh," she replies, pulling his face to her again, his hand squeezing her breast impatiently.

  


"So do I," he says and she loves how changed his voice is, deeper now that it's only for her to hear − and for their driver, the poor soul.

  


"Shut up," she replies and the drive home has never seemed so long.

  


The building seems a maze of obstacles separating her and Usnavi from the bed. One flight of stairs, two, and she pushes her door open, grateful if not shameful that she left Nina at the bar, for the apartment is empty with only her Siamese cat Pepper to witness their entrance. There'll be time for apologies later. She'll remember to ask Daniela for those plum cakes to take back home. This Usnavi guy who was so mellow and dorky at the bar is all sorts of smooth here in the dark, hands tight at her hips as he rolls into her sensually, if a bit awkwardly, his mouth devouring hers like this is their last night on earth. She grabs him by the collar, pulling him back towards her room but in their haste, they tumble over flat on the sofa. Far from phased, Usnavi is only more fervent in his advances, a hand sliding up Vanessa's thigh under her froufrou dress, open-mouthed kisses at her neck, nibbling on the sensitive skin, only…

  


"Shh," she whispers loudly, squirming away. "My roommate could come home."

  


She slips from under him, giggling at his groan of frustration before pulling on his hands to drag him into her room, slamming the door shut before her cat can sneak in.

  


"There," she says, giving him one of her smiles, biting her lip and he's frozen in place. "C'mere."

  


It's cute, really, the way he smiles back like he's never seen anyone more beautiful, and his anxiety is soon to fade away when she drops onto her bed, kicking off her heels. Cute, but turns seductive when he drops to his knees between her legs.

  


"Well aren't you just…"

  


With a sharp tug, he pulls down her tights, pressing kisses upon bit after bit of skin he exposes.

  


"You're beautiful," he mutters, his palms massaging her thighs. She pulls up the ruffles of her dress, exposing herself and nodding at him permission to pull her thong down as well. "So beautiful…"

  


"Go ahead, then," she demands, combing fingers through his hair, tugging just a bit too tight.

  


What he lacks in confident attitude and dance skills, the boy makes up in bed, she tells herself. The eternal bargain of one-night-stands, not knowing what to expect in the sack, no matter how much she likes a guy at the club or the bar. As Usnavi curls two fingers inside her, then three, his mouth playing heavenly tricks around her clit, she thinks she might have just won the jackpot for the night.

  


"That's it," she says, looking into his eyes and she thinks his mouth would be smiling if it weren't busy, because his eyes are glinting all special. "Just like that. That feels nice."

  


She loves a guy who is giving, especially of his own initiative. When he gets her to climax, she tells herself she might suck him off too, treat him as well as he does her, but then Usnavi keeps going, his pace not slowing down even a little bit. She imagines that maybe he didn't notice her coming, maybe he was too focused on his own thing. Who is she to say no to an extra bit of fun? Better this way around… But then she comes a second time, and a third soon after. A train passes by her window, the rattle shaking every item of the room, but Usnavi seems unfazed. By the time she reaches her fourth, she thinks she ought to tell him. Softly, she pushes on his shoulder.

  


"Hey," she whispers, afraid to break the spell. "Hey, that was good."

  


He looks at her like she's taken away his favorite toy.

  


"I can keep going," he says. "I swear I can give you…"

  


"Dude, I came four times already," she snorts.

  


"I know, I…" She cocks an eyebrow and he backs away, defeated. "Okay…"

  


Not that his reluctance to leave the sweet spot between her legs is due to any lack of ability elsewhere, she realizes with relief. She peels his clothes away, uncovering a normal body, if a bit hairy, normal dick, normal size. She eyes him for probably a tad too long before getting the condom from her night stand.

  


"Oh my God," he breathes out when he enters her and isn't that just the cutest thing?

  


The deed is done maybe a tad early, Usnavi clinging onto her the whole time, pressing kisses at her neck, her cheeks, capturing her mouth one list time before the roll of his hips into hers slowly reaches a still. Chest heaving deeply, he rolls over, pulling and throwing away the condom and she enjoys the sight of his breath catching up for a few long seconds before standing up, grabbing her pajamas from her closet, putting them on.

  


"Alright, that was fun," she says.

  


She picks up his things on her way back to bed, throwing them his way. He misses them spectacularly, his guayabera falling flat on his face and he extirpates himself from it with a bewildered look in his eyes.

  


"Wh…"

  


"The door down the building closes back automatically so you don't need to worry about locking it again," Vanessa says, getting his shoes for him.

  


"I… Okay…"

  


Slowly, he seems to pick up on what she's saying and she's rarely seen a one-night-stand put his clothes back on so reluctantly. She gets her phone, already expecting the worst messages from Nina after calls she never picked up. Three unanswered calls and seven unread texts. _Could be worse_.

  


"So, erm, goodnight…" Poor Usnavi says, fully dressed, the cutest pout at his lips.

  


She walks him back to the door, tenderly brushes his hair off his forehead when he's in the hall and looking at her like he expects her to invite him back in any second now.

  


"I had a great time, Usnavi," she says.

  


"Me… Me too," he mutters.

  


She gives him a smile that he doesn't answer and presses a kiss on his cheek before closing the door. Guilt tugs inside her and she tells herself it must be the prospect of listening to all the messages Nina left her. Tonight went exactly as she wanted when she brings back boys. She never lets them stay. Not even the ones she goes behind her best friend's back to hook up with. As she hears his steps away from her through the door, she tells herself it's all for the best. Besides, who knows if she might not cross his path again some day? Stranger things have happened.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so… Nanowrimo takes up a lot of time and energy and it can be very hard to decide to dedicate that time to fanfiction when people aren't giving any feedback. If you leave just a short comment (or a long one if you prefer!), that'd be really really great.


	3. Stitch & Bitch

"I cannot count on anyone to do anything right!" Nina cries out as she barges into Daniela's apartment. "I just can't!"

  


Daniela looks up from her drawings − she has been working on the design of some new signs for the bakery, something bright and colorful that pops, gives that _umpf_ factor, just like Daniela herself does in a crowd − to witness poor little Nina plop into the armchair opposite her, arms crossed, frown as deep as the pits of hell. Her leg is shaking in frustration. Daniela smiles to herself.

  


"Bueno, that's something I think every day," she says, pushing her glasses higher up her nose before getting back to her sketches. "What did Vanessa do again?"

  


"More like _who_ did she do," Nina snorts in frustration. "And the answer is I don't know, but I was counting on her to help me for something very important and she totally bailed on me to… spend the night at home. I _know_ she had company, she always showers for like an hour after and she was still at it when I came back. I needed her!"

  


Daniela opens her mouth but Nina glares at her too.

  


"I told you I didn't know who."

  


Daniela waves a dismissive hand, putting down her sketchbook.

  


" _Yes_ ," she says with a smirk. "Just tell me the interesting bits but when it comes to the juicy, then let down your Daniela…"

  


Nina glances her way, lets a smile at her lips with an eye roll for good measure. It is short lived.

  


"Benny got fired," she admits and her face turns stern.

  


Daniela nods. She's had quite a few hints that this may happen from her conversations with Camila at Stitch & Bitch.

  


Stitch & Bitch is her pride and joy, the prestigious and elite knitting club consisting of herself, Camila Rosario, Abuela Claudia and Carla. On a good day, Usnavi is allowed to serve them the café con leche and occasionally the piragua vendor joins them. Daniela would rather miss a limb than a meeting of their club, which Claudia refuses to call anything but the needle club − not as catchy as Stitch & Bitch in Daniela's humble opinion. Admittedly, there is more gossip and lighthearted complaining than any actual needlework being done, except perhaps Carla who remains an avid crocheter.

  


These days, however, the conversations have often been much more grim, with Camila's little shop in danger of financial ruin, more than Nina knows. In Daniela's understanding, Kevin was leaning towards ending their work with Benny and Camila more inclined to try and find another job, maybe launch her and Usnavi into some new career together. Never too late, she said. I'm perfectly capable of starting a new business on my own, she said, but it seems that Kevin won that fight and they picked his solution.

  


"And you wanted her help for… ?"

  


"To get him a new job! Dani, he can't stay unemployed."

  


Daniela stands abruptly to fix herself a drink − only Pepsi tonight with an impressible soul to witness her deeds. She hands Nina a glass of water − an old memory from when she used to babysit the kid, Nina can't handle sugar past the evening or she'll never sleep.

  


"And you asked Vanessa…"

  


"I didn't have time to ask her anything," Nina sighs. "She left before I could and she was gone this morning, so I'm asking you."

  


That gives Daniela pause. Sipping her drink, she squints and stares into Nina's pleading eyes.

  


"You'd have me make a baker out of him?"

  


"Only for a while," Nina swears. "I'm sure I can convince Dad to take him back."

  


Daniela doesn't need to think much. She doesn't know Benny all that well, not like she knows Nina, her little treasure through Abuela Claudia who can't stop the praises about her, but she knows him well enough that she's sure he would be a useful addition to their little team. He will get on well with Carla because it's physically impossible not to, and he might even manage to thaw Vanessa some day. God knows Daniela has tried without success. And as for herself, Daniela is certain she'll be grateful for his help. The bakery isn't in the best of shape either, though not as dire a situation as Rosario's. They could always use an extra pair of hands.

  


"Bueno, it's done then," she says, taking another sip and thinking of all the chores she likes least that she normally piles onto Vanessa − maybe that'd get the girl in her good graces too, to have her work alleviated a little to pass onto the _new_ new recruit.

  


"Really?" Nina asks, looking like she had ten pages of argumentation in case Daniela refused her. "You'll take him, for real?"

  


"Of course," Daniela grins. "Always a good reason to brag at Stitch & Bitch."

  


At their next meeting the weekend that follows, Daniela is unbelievably happy to have agreed to Nina's request. Not that she never finds herself short of things to brag about, but Benny is the all too perfect object of her praises. Even Carla agrees.

  


"Oh, and he is _so good_ at beating eggs," Carla adds to her long lists of reasons why Benny being so strong is the best quality he could have had for this specific job. "The other day our beater broke down and we had to wait two days to get a new one delivered but he just beat all the egg whites for us by hand! I couldn't believe it."

  


Daniela enjoyed their little competition, Benny making up with his strength all of Carla's experience as an avid baker ever since she was a young girl. Even Vanessa smiled, cheering for Benny despite all his beginner's mistakes. Her mother raised a very polite and hardworking young man, but not a trained cook, Daniela has to admit. Still, he leans incredibly fast and she never knew her little bakery has just the right spot for a soft giant of a man like him.

  


"So he is… fitting in?" Camila Rosario asks pointedly.

  


There's a hint of guilt on her face that Daniela cannot miss. She nods.

  


"He's a good worker," she says.

  


"Sí," Claudia says. "He's always been a good boy. I remember when Usnavi invited him over when they were little, he always offered to clean up the table and wash the dishes, or if I had anything that needed fixing in the house…"

  


Daniela thinks back of the two boys, ages ago when they were tinier. Already inseparable. Usnavi, of course, bless his soul, was always the kindest kid around the block, but there is always a softness about Benny that shines best next to his best friend. He's definitely a good egg. There's so many good things to say about him that Daniela cannot possibly think of them all. She's not sparse in her compliments in person either.

  


"If I had a nickel for every good word I heard of your pancake special, Benny…"

  


The boy grins one of his good-natured smiles, his eyes on the muffin trays in the oven just about to ring, according to the timer.

  


"Gotta do what you gotta do," he says. "Wherever you are."

  


Ah, yes. The crux of the matter. Daniela cannot say that she was duped into this, of course. Nina told her from the start that this arrangement was meant to be temporary and Daniela agreed to it on those terms. When she offered Benny a contract, it was specifically for a short period of time, of course renewable as he might need.

  


"Oh, by the way the faucet in the bathroom was leaking," he adds as the oven rings that the baking is over, getting the trays out with the special oversized mittens Carla made him special last week. "I fixed it."

  


"What an angel," she replies, patting his biceps. "I don't know what we'll do without you."

  


He laughs about that but Daniela senses a hidden layer of unease behind that grinning mouth. He's too quick to turn around to their station to unmold the muffins, too.

  


"I do my job," he says seriously. "That's what I always do."

  


She does feel so terribly sorry for him, even as she's so happy to have him around. Sometimes she wishes she could have a word with Kevin Rosario, learn what's going on in that head of his to let go of a boy like that. But then, she only has to think of her own business to know that decisions are never simple. Money is tight when people don't have the means for extravaganza such as homemade pastries and even though her shop is not on the verge of bankruptcy, it has seen better days. If the slope becomes too slippery, how would Daniela handle tough decisions? If it came down to keeping Carla or Vanessa, how could she find it in her heart to make that choice?

  


"Yes," she says. "And you do it well."

  


So does Usnavi, and so do Nina and Camila for sure, no less than Carla and Vanessa, but the way Benny pours his heart into his work is undeniable. Watching him place the muffins in a fancy arrangement very attractive to the eye, Daniela asks herself once again what made Kevin's judgment lean that way when it came to pick who would leave and who would stay. She's not sure she would have made the same choice. Or will make it if it comes to that.

 


	4. Usnavi's Dramatic Mind

Usnavi has a debt to repay the world since that fateful day last month. He let down his friend, he let down his _best_ friend, probably his city and the whole of the Dominican Republic as well. It's not like him at all to bail on his friends, much less for… for what? A night of casual sex? Casual is not like him either, he is nothing if not roses and chocolates and hand kisses and falling in love at the drop of a hat. Which he already fears he has. Fate had a nasty way of get back at him for breaking his own rules. It's been seventeen days and he hasn't stopped thinking about her. And he's sure he'll never see her again unless he becomes the gross stalker who can't take "This was fun" for the hint it is. Which he won't become, and for that reason, he makes it his personal mission to prove the world he deserves good things coming his way.

  


"Mijo, can you pass the condensed milk?"

  


"Sí," he replies, helping Abuela Claudia to the can next to him.

  


She's receiving her knitting club tonight, once every four meetings as always. Most times when that happens, Usnavi is content with simply greeting all the guests and smiling and helping Claudia pull out the biscuits and brew enough coffee for the night, but then tonight, feeling indebted to the entire human population, he tries to make himself as useful as he can for as long as they'll have him before shoving any male presence from the room. He's vacuumed the entire apartment, fed and groomed the cat, cleaned up the mantelpiece, washed the dishes, and that's just tonight, not to mention the several days just this week week when he's worked extra time for nothing.

  


"Do you need anything else?" He asks. "Anything at all?"

  


"Oh, if you could just get my yarn from my room," Abuela says, holding his arm gently. "I found a beautiful pink that will be exactly to Carla's taste, I want to give it to her tonight."

  


"Por supuesto," he says and gets the yarn from her room.

  


There's a knock at the door before it gets pushed open − it is never locked. The head of Camila Rosario peeks in, a smile upon her face when she sees him. She pinches his cheek before heading to the living room, taking the armchair right by Abuela Claudia's right, as always. Daniela is soon to follow, walking in like she owns the place, her head high in the air. Carla is much more meek. She's an old friend from when her abuelita and Claudia used to take them to church together when they were little. Usnavi likes her and immediately offers to take her coat for her, already in her winter wool even if the weather is thankfully not harsh enough yet. She likes the pompom hats and the long scarves. Today, she's making a gorgeous shawl in tunisian crochet that Usnavi can't wait to see the end result of. He's sure she'll look lovely in it.

  


"Oh, Usnavi, that is so kind!" Carla says when he serves the coffee to every lady present.

  


"Claudia, you raised him well," Camila says.

  


She helps herself to a cookie, smiling at him in a way she never does, less an alligator about to attack on its prey, more a kindhearted middle-aged woman with a boy she's known a long time. Those compliments, god knows why, are not a rarity, but never before has Usnavi felt less deserving of them. His stomach growls in shame, which he hides behind a self-conscious cough.

  


"Yes, I did," she admits, calling Usnavi over to help her sit down − her back isn't too well these days but she resolutely refuses to see a doctor about it.

  


"And when are you finding yourself a fine lady to show off all you have to offer?" Daniela asks and Usnavi almost drops Abuela's arm in his surprise.

  


"Well…"

  


Usnavi hasn't had a woman in his life for a few months. It's not like he has no desire for it, but there just hasn't been anyone to share his heart recently. Oh, he wishes he wasn't single, of course he does, but luck has been straying from him more and more, not to mention the full-time schedule at Rosario's Books that all but robs him of his personal time. Add to that that he just cursed himself into being undeserving of any trust and love in the world…

  


"I haven't got no one," he eventually croaks out. "Not right now."

  


Daniela scrutinizes him, scanning him up and down with those piercing eyes of hers that make Usnavi want to crawl down under his bed.

  


"What a shame," she replies and he never quite knows when she's being sarcastic or genuine.

  


"Oh, Usnavi, I'm sure you'll find someone!" Carla peeps with a chipper smile. "You're such a catch, any girl would be lucky to have you!"

  


He returns her smile uneasily, uncomfortable with the attention all on him at once as he is just trying his best to be merely of service to others.

  


The truth of the matter is that he feels that he might have found that someone, that maybe he did. He hates himself for it, for how silly and presumptuous it is. He knows near nothing about Vanessa, her likes and dislikes (he's not even sure in which category he would fall), her job, what her life looks like, or any sort of personal information that one ought to know about the girl of their dreams. What he knows for sure is that he won't be able to get her out of his mind for a long while. There was something about the way she smiled and something even more enticing when she _didn't_ smile. Even the memory makes his blood rush. _You can't fall in love after having one night of sex with someone_ , he tries to convince himself, the constant chorus of his mind the past few weeks. _You don't know anything about her and love is very different from attraction_. But Usnavi feels that he _can_ in fact know that he _wanted_ to fall in love with her at least, for that door to open up. Well, Vanessa slammed the door shut and even though his heart is urging him to, Usnavi can't simply pry it back open. Her choice matters more than his longing.

  


"Mi amor, do you need anything?" Claudia asks and for the hundredth time this month, Usnavi realizes that he's been lost in his Vanessa thoughts again.

  


_Snap out of it. It wasn't meant to be. Not when built on a lie and a betrayal_.

  


"Oh, erm…" He rakes the back of his mind for anything to say and finds nothing. It's so much harder to think with the wolfish grin of Daniela on him. Daniela… Hurriedly, he gets one question out. "How is Benny fitting in?"

  


He knows at Camila's face that this question ought not to have been asked for her sake. He should have known. The daily running of the bookstore has been tense this month like never before. Out of fear of her lashing out, Kevin has avoided Nina, who herself is avoiding her parents whom she deems equally responsible for the situation with Benny. Usnavi avoids Nina out of shame and guilt. And Camila is mad at Kevin, who doesn't understand her resentment and is ignoring her. The whole team is divided, each one of them in their own encampment.

  


Usnavi has heard it from Claudia who got it from Daniela that the arrangement of Benny working at her bakery is meant to be temporary. Nina is apparently working her way to putting Benny back into Kevin's good graces. He feels a bit sheepish and sorry that she doesn't think he's worth telling those plans anymore.

  


"Like a fish in the ocean," Daniela replies, all mockery gone from her face. "How kind of you to ask."

  


"Usnavi is such a devoted friend," Claudia says like a punch of pure irony hitting Usnavi square in the face.  

  


Carla nods, maybe the actually only friend Usnavi can be proud and grateful to be good to. They have always been great friends and he's never let her down. Not her. He ought to cherish that.

  


"Just last month," Claudia goes on and Usnavi wishes he could stop her but of course that would be compromising himself, "He spent the whole night with Benny and Nina figuring out what they'd do for the boy. He's always been there for them."

  


Daniela cocks an eyebrow and not for the first time, Usnavi feels his entire soul bared to her, out of his control.

  


"Did you now?"

  


He mutters something that even he isn't sure is intelligible to himself, much less to the ladies, and excuses himself to his room.

  


When comes time to himself on his own, lying in his bed with a book in hand, he's trying his best to stop thinking about her, to get over it, to think of anything but her. Nina has recommended him a new fantasy series, something with vampires, but he simply cannot get into it. Each time the vampire girl has another victim, Usnavi can only think of how little he'd mind being bitten and trapped by Vanessa. Whenever the words of the author hit him right in the guts it's because their beauty reminds him of Vanessa's. When a plot twist surprises him, he thinks of how much he'd love a plot twist to hit his own life. The novel ends up unread on his night stand as his mind makes up a story of his own. A story he hopes might come true.

 


	5. The Undate

Benny was never a demanding dude. Even as a kid, his momma only had so many minutes in her day for all her kids to share and with four siblings, Benny learned to make do. He kept that attitude into adult life and prefers to have low expectations to avoid great disappointment. His standards of a good job include a boss who doesn't hate him and a paycheck at the end of the month. That's all he asks for.

  


Expectedly, working at Daniela's Baked Goods fills those two mediocre checkmarks. Less like he had imagined, though, the place is a blessing for a million other reasons. The pay has been decent enough, not much different from Rosario's, something you can survive but not thrive on. But everything else has been such an improvement he can barely believe this is currently his life. The clientele is kind and loving, mostly middle-aged women shopping for their families, and he hasn't had a case of one customer complaining about him yet. The work itself is fine and getting more interesting every day as he finds in himself a talent for bakery he never thought he'd ever have the opportunity to unearth. The bakery is a tad closer to his home than the bookstore as well and the schedule gives him free time in the evening − at the cost of working much earlier but Benny has always been an easy morning riser.

  


He loves his coworkers, too. Vanessa is a tough case to crack, still undecipherable for him, but she fistbumps him whenever he bakes a perfect tray of loaves and never fusses with him when they need to arrange their timetables to fit each other. They respect one another and he appreciates her. She has only been at the job for a year, he's told, and she's as glad as he is for him to be the new one, for Daniela to fixate on him instead of her. Daniela can be a tease, with him as much as with her girls, but she means well most of the time and he loves her jokes more often than not. Carla, he never really knew well, more knew _about_ through Usnavi, but of the three, she's the one he gets on with the best. They go jogging together three times a week, chat about the day, the upcoming projects, and she's lovely company.

  


She's not Nina, though. None of them are.

  


"Sorry I'm late!"

  


Nina pushes the door of the coffee shop open and the sun shines in, blinding Benny if he weren't so keen to look at her. She's wearing a big hat Abuela Claudia knitted her years ago in thick blue yarn, her hair puffing out underneath, wet from the drizzle outside. Her smile could light up the whole room as she hands him a couple of books.

  


"Here," she says. "For your personal edification."

  


Benny can't help but answer her smile in kind, glancing down at the titles. He doesn't recognize either of them. He often doesn't.

  


"Well, I'm sure I'll enjoy them."

  


Nina is the one thing he misses from Rosario's, of course, even more than Usnavi who he loves like a brother. He misses their chats on slow afternoons when they would argue whether fantasy and sci-fi really should be categorized apart, the winks across the shop when a customer would pronounce an author's name all wrong, her cries for help when a huge box of books was delivered that she couldn't lift. And of course, her constant book recommendations. That part hasn't stopped, at her insistence. For six weeks, they've been meeting up every Tuesday to exchange the news of the week and catch up on each other's life. This part is new, as new as Benny's newfound love for pastry, and he finds himself loving this even more.

  


"So, how have you been?"

  


He puts the books away in his backpack and answers, handing her a cup of plain black coffee with two sugars, her usual, ordered for her as she warned him she would be running late.

  


"Great, actually," he says, sipping his own cup − hot chocolate, as he never loved coffee near half as much as any of his _café_ -crazed friends. "Daniela taught me how to make crêpes today."

  


"Oh, _la recette des crêpes_?" Nina smiles. "How fancy. You'll have to teach me some day."

  


"I might," he replies. "I'm learning all sorts of stuff here, it's actually very…" He pauses for the right word. "Gratifying."

  


There's a fleeting expression on Nina's face that she hides all so well. Guilt. _None of this is your fault_ , he wants to tell her, and has before. He can't blame _her_ for him being out of a job. In a way, he doesn't even blame Kevin. Not too much. Nina says it's only a matter of time before she makes him see the light and if there is one person in the whole world whose judgment Benny trusts, it's Nina Rosario. He might be back at Rosario's Books in no time with her push.

  


And still… There is something that grew between him and Nina that had only been a seedling before Kevin made him redundant. Of course, they've always been very courteous towards one another, never anything less than friendly, but seeing the way she pushed herself for his sake, how she arranged it all… Benny is grateful and even more than that he is flattered. And all on her own, too. Nina ranted about that before, how she had no one she could trust, not a lifelong friend like Usnavi who has seen her when she was a little thing still in diapers, or a much more recent one like Vanessa who she only met through Daniela last year but clicked with instantly so fast they often describe themselves as soulmates − of a platonic kind. Neither of them could be there for Benny that night, but in truth, Nina was more upset about it than he was. He had Nina's help. That was enough to get him a job, enough to make him happy.

  


"I'm so happy for you," she says but can't quite hide the tension behind her words.

  


Feeling her unease, Benny tries to think of anything of importance, a more cheerful note to the sad little melody Nina is playing herself.

  


"Oh, by the way, Carla… You know Carla, right?"

  


Nina nods.

  


"Through Abuela Claudia. For a while I used to think that she and Usnavi would end up together," she confesses like a naughty secret. "Before I knew she was…"

  


Benny laughs, his mind trying to come up with images of Usnavi and Carla together. He shakes his head.

  


"I was little!" Nina defends herself, but she's laughing at her own silliness as much as he is.

  


"I was gonna say, she's got a new girlfriend and it's getting pretty serious, she's spending her birthday with her next week."

  


"Ugh," Nina sighs. "How did I not know this? Vanessa never tells me this stuff!"

  


He nods pensively.

  


"She doesn't gossip at the bakery either," he eventually admits. "I think she's scared Daniela ask her when she's next."

  


"Oh, _that_ 's not gonna…" Nina blurts out but cuts herself short. "Oh, I shouldn't…"

  


Benny wants to smile. Nina Rosario, the queen of good manners and pleasantries, caught in idle gossip? He slides a gingerbread cookie her way, a subtle bribe. Pink in the cheeks, she accepts it and nibbles on it before her full confession.

  


"Van is not really the 'settle down' kind of girl, I think," she says, her voice low like she's trusting him with the highest secrets of state. "I don't believe she'll be finding herself someone like Carla any time soon."

  


Benny chuckles, though such things have been suggested in hidden words in conversations at work as well.

  


"I'll tell Daniela not to get the weddings bells ready too soon, then."

  


It's good to see Nina again, to see her in such a different context without the pressure of work, the eyes of their coworkers, including but not limited to her parents. They talk for as long as they can afford until Nina has to run off to her little apartment that he has yet to visit − Nina says she'd rather they meet up outside of their respective homes and he can only respect her wishes. It's good to talk to her in more ways than one, not just the pleasure of an entertaining conversation with a smart and thoughtful friend. He also never knew how little he liked the piercing eyes of Kevin Rosario until they stopped keeping watch on him.

  


"So, have a nice night then," Nina tells him once he's walked her home and they've lingered on her doorstep for so long that her cheeks are red with the chill. "We miss you at the shop."

  


They hug − a rarity never allowed before.

  


"I miss you too," he lets out before she slips inside and escapes her fate of turning into an icicle.

  


He scolds himself for his wording the entire walk back home.

 


	6. Usnavi's Secret

Nina hasn't mentioned his slight of last month again, so Usnavi tells himself that his efforts to benevolence the past few weeks have paid off. They don't talk about it but there is more warmth in the way Nina presents herself around him, more effortless kindness sent his way. He's glad for this, more than she imagines, for the stars have aligned for him again to let him be happy. How much they have, he only fully realizes on a slow afternoon when it's just him and Señor Rosario handling the meager trickle of clients as Camila is handling the paperwork of the monthly orders back in her office and Nina took the afternoon off − the paycheck came the other day and she needs to go on a shopping spree again to buy the last few things she needs after moving out of her parents' home a couple months ago with less than steady finances but a stronger desire for independence than material comfort. One second, he's restocking the light novel and romance aisle, the next he is bumping into destiny.

  


"Fuck," the girl says when he accidentally steps on her foot. "Watch your step!"

  


"I'm sorry, I…" She turns around to glare at him and her eyes widen at his sight, and she takes a quick step backwards that looks involuntary.

  


He gulps, afraid to speak, to breathe, to exist. Vanessa, whose last name he never learned, whose beautiful eyes and hair magic spelled him under her charm, whose hands he still remembers in his own and through his hair, Vanessa stares at him like he was the very last thing she wanted on her mind. His heart is racing in his chest, booming and swelling and he finds a million things he wants to say but not one that would make him sound less than an idiot.

  


"How can I be of service?" He eventually asks and of all the terrible things, acting the employee if he couldn't act the former lover, this seems to be the one to warm her up. She gives him a hint of a smile but puts up a serious façade in a matter of seconds. He wonders how she does that. His own heart is always plain on his face to see, much more to her. He wonders how she likes what she sees in his eyes, if he's being cautious enough.

  


She turns to the aisle, her back to him, finger tracing the titles of the volumes on the shelf, the letters pink and red and purple, all curves.

  


"I'm looking for a book," she replies, her voice so measured and stern.

  


He wants to smile, to shout, to go dance in the streets to thank the Lord God to have granted him his wish to see her again, but then, he is still just a plain bookshop employee and she is, apparently, a customer to said shop and there is a way these things are done.

  


"What kind of book?"

  


She shrugs, grabbing the first book she gets her hands on. She glances at the cover and winces, puts it back down.

  


"I dunno, romance?"

  


He wants to smile.

  


"Oh, I love romance novels too!" He blurts out before he can stop himself. "I mean, I know it's dumb but I can't help but wonder if someday maybe I'll…"

  


" _It's not for me_ ," Vanessa cuts him, her tone suddenly sharp as she turns to glare at him. "It's my friend's birthday soon and I thought I'd give her something schmaltzy. Nina works here so I thought…"

  


He blinks a couple times, latches onto the one part he knows he can't mess up.

  


"You know Nina?"

  


"We live together," she replies and Usnavi's world turns upside down.

  


_They know each other. Nina and Vanessa know each other. They live together._ He's been to Nina's place without even knowing, and not even to see Nina but to…

  


" _Oh my god…_ "

  


She stares at him and he sees plain in her eyes the same realization as his own.

  


"Oh my god, but if _you_ work with Nina, it means…"

  


Panic takes over shock as Usnavi finds every reason to feel ashamed.

  


"I can't believe I saw Nina's place and…" His voice lowers so no one can hear, especially not Kevin Rosario, "and _did it_ in her home, oh my god, she's never going to forgive me… Was it her bed? Oh my god, did I _have sex_ in Nina's bed?!"

  


She slaps his arm − not nearly forcefully, just a reminder to hush and be quiet.

  


"Of course not," she hisses. "I don't bring back anyone to _her_ room."

  


"We were gonna do it on the couch! Oh my god…"

  


" _You_ were gonna do it on the couch," she says and for the first time since the secret came out, there is a smile hinting to turn up her lips and it relaxes him, but only a little. "I told you we couldn't."

  


He drops into one of the armchairs they keep in this part of the store for customers to browse at their ease. Behind where he was standing, Vanessa spots a book of poetry by some ancient Greek poetess he doesn't know and grabs it. He frowns quizzically but she shakes her head and stays on topic.

  


"Don't tell Nina," come the words he dreaded and expected. "About… when was it, last month? Don't tell her."

  


_It was forty-one days ago_ , he thinks but has the good sense of keeping to himself. As if he was going to tell Nina about that night, he thinks bitterly. He still has his guilt to shoulder. Not to mention that telling Nina about his romantic or amorous endeavors has never been on his to-do list.

  


"I won't," he promises. "I couldn't."

  


She nods and after a bit of hesitation, sits next to him, the armchair right by his. Her hand is so close to his and if he was a better man, a braver one maybe… But then she gathers both her hands at her lap on the book she picked and the occasion is missed forever, and who even knows if she would have accepted any advances. She was quite clear on that night.

  


"It's kinda funny, isn't it?" She says after a long pause.

  


Usnavi is grateful for the silence to be broken.

  


"Mmh?"

  


"How we both knew her like that, but not each other… It's… I dunno. It's funny."

  


"Laugh kind of funny or weird kind of funny?"

  


She shrugs, making an 'I don't know' sound. Her face is even prettier in plain light, he thinks, a cursed thought she probably wouldn't want him to have. He saw it under the dim light of the bar, outside in the dark night and under the soft light of her bedside lamp, but not like now. There's a small mole above her eyebrow, he notices. He finds it pretty. Maybe because it's hers.

  


"Are you like, friends?" She asks. "Or just coworkers?"

  


_Siblings_ , he thinks, even if his parents left this world without giving him a sister. He had to find one all on his own. Maybe that's the biggest gift Abuela Claudia ever gave him, introducing him to Nina back when they were little.

  


"We're friends," he says. "But, er… You… She never…"

  


"Mentioned me around you?"

  


He nods. There's been a few short mentions of her roommate, surely, but never by name, and as little as she could, it seemed sometimes.

  


"I think it's not you," Vanessa says with a sad smile. She looks around as if checking for any eavesdropper. "Her parents don't like me very much. We met last year at some party my boss was throwing and Nina was invited to − she hates parties, though − and she told me how she felt like a bit trapped at home sometimes? With just her and her parents, and working together too…  And I told her she could move in with me and she finally took the plunge but her parents never forgave me. She says she tries to like… keep everything on the down low when she's around them."

  


"They don't like you?!" He cries out and lowers his tone at her flashing eyes. "Sorry… But how could anyone not like you?"

  


She bites her lip at that, looking at him like he's just said something dumb. She's about to add something when she gets interrupted.

  


"Oh, hey Van," Nina's voice says out of the blue. She glances at the counter where her father is still leaning, going over some papers with no customers in sight except Vanessa here with Usnavi. "Needed anything?"

  


Vanessa throws Usnavi a glare that says he better not say anything and quick as a whip, quiet as a mouse, he jumps to his feet turns back to his shelves to put some order, clean up in silence, ignoring the girls.

  


"I'm set, thanks," Vanessa replies and how different her voice when she's talking to friends, he hears, how natural she sounds even when putting up a lying face. "Got the present. Sapphic poetry, she'll like that, right?"

  


Usnavi cannot handle the chit-chat of Nina, his friend, his sister, and the girl of his dreams who is apparently also her roommate, just casually making small talks not ten feet from him. His hands are shaking and he grabs a few books by the same author to still them, calmly reorganizing them by color and font.

  


"For sure," Nina says cheerfully. "I got us a crêpe-making pan!"

  


Usnavi risks a glance, enough to see Vanessa roll her eyes, more endeared than annoyed. She gives Nina her farewells and with one last look at Usnavi he finds himself utterly unable to decipher, she leaves the shop. Kevin Rosario hasn't noticed her. How he could not, Usnavi cannot say. The only room with a view is a room with her in it.

 


	7. Grumpy Girl

"I _cannot_ believe," Daniela tells Carla emphatically, knowing full well that this has happened before and will happen again, "That you would abandon us so."

  


She's sitting with her girls in the tiny seating area at the back of the bakery where they arranged a few tables so people can come grab a bite if they so desire. It's early in the day and the shop hasn't opened yet, not when they have deliveries to put away and loaves to rise and bake. How lucky she feels to have access to Benny's strong pair of arms, Daniela cannot find the words to express.

  


"I'm so sorry, Dani," Carla squeaks, pursing her pretty little lips, her head cocked sideways in sincere apology. "I can always postpone it, it's just that she was only available on Fridays and…"

  


"Oh my god," Vanessa cuts her, her voice steel against Carla's softness. "You're not gonna call off your date just because Daniela's being an ass."

  


Daniela huffs, her nose high in the air, secretly proud as a peacock of her little employee for standing up for anyone other than herself. She supposes she _might_ let Carla leave for the day to get ready for this date, if she really has to. It _was_ her birthday yesterday after all.

  


"Yeah, Carla," Benny chimes in, a pile of boxes up to above his head in his arms − it's a miracle he can manage to balance them without the whole pile toppling down. "Don't cancel, she really sounds like she could be Miss Right."

  


Carla twirls one of her precious curls, a shy smile at her lips.

  


"I don't know, I think she could be…"

  


"How _touching_ ," Daniela comments. "Don't you worry, we'll just have to reorganize the whole club meeting on short notice…"

  


""I told Claudia last week," Carla says. "She agreed to host the meeting since I won't be able to."

  


"… and find a new place to have it tonight and…"

  


"You're going to her place, she's aware of it. You're aware of it."

  


"… and find snacks to serve…"

  


"I baked cupcakes, you just have to have them delivered to her place beforehand. Or you could take them with you."

  


"… and leave us all on our own to fend for ourselves."

  


"You'll be with Abuela and Camila the whole time and my phone will be on in case of emergency."

  


Daniela huffs.

  


"Bueno, if you have it all figured out then…"

  


"You're gonna be just fine, I promise."

  


Carla gives her one last sorry look and a hug before leaving early for the night − so much time needed for her beauty prep. She's barely out of the door that Vanessa glares at Daniela like she's just slapped a baby in the face.

  


"What's wrong with you?!" She snaps. "Why can't you let people just… be?! You're always like this. Carla just took a day off, it's not the end of the world. Stop caring about other people's business and making it about yourself."

  


There's a chuckle coming from behind the mountain of pale pink boxes Benny is carrying − or is it a gasp of shock? Daniela takes a good look at her little employee, tortured between chiding her for her tone and patting her head for being so assertive. She loves when Vanessa speaks up, even to complain. It's all too rare for her to open that pretty mouth of hers sometimes, no matter how much Daniela tries to thaw her out, gossip her way into her heart. She's never been too good to abide a closed heart.

  


"Nothing's wrong with me," she says, the truest thing to ever come out of her mouth in her life, in her humble opinion. "If anything, _you_ …"

  


Vanessa, who was turning away from Daniela with an almost visible dark cloud of anger surrounding her, on her way to maybe consider helping Benny, swings back around.

  


" _If anything me what?_ " She bites with the strength of a lion cub pretending to roar for the first time.

  


"Oh, excuse me," Daniela raises her hands apologetically, "Que belicosa. I just saying, you could stand to change your attitude a little bit. Add a pinch of sweet."

  


"I'm fine being bitter," Vanessa replies flatly, definitely turning her back to Daniela purposefully now, grabbing a box from the pile their delivery guy left at the door that needs moving to the kitchen at the back. She struggles with it and Benny looks like he wants to offer his help but doesn't know how. Huffing, she lifts it on her own and disappears into the kitchen.

  


"Well, _someone_ is being moody. Benny, am I such a devil?"

  


Rubbing the thin layer of sweat on his forehead with the back of his hand, Benny takes a seat next to Daniela for a short break, grabbing a can of Pepsi from the fridge right behind him. He takes a sip and breathes out contentedly.

  


"She _was_ on the defensive," he agrees. "I think she just hates talking about dating."

  


"You're damn right I do," Vanessa grumbles in passing on her way to picking another box.

  


Benny and Daniela share a glance and a smile that Benny hides into his soda can.

  


"Mija, I told you a thousand times before," Daniela says towards Vanessa's general direction, though she is still avoiding looking at them. "You have so much to offer, no one to share it with."

  


"And _you_ ," Vanessa mutters but Daniela has learned to have a very strong hearing. "Have nothing to offer and yet you still force others to take it."

  


_She's prickly today_ , Daniela thinks. _Someone needs to soothe her_. She thinks of Claudia's motto. _Patience and faith._ God knows she's always needed both to handle this girl.

  


"You're really not looking to date?" Benny asks and Daniela wants to clasp a hand at his mouth to prevent him to further the mess she's started with Vanessa, but then, she is in no position to criticize him on those grounds.

  


Vanessa is picking up the last of the boxes, a much heavier one.

  


"If −," she starts and has to pause to grasp it with a firmer hand, "If I was, I wouldn't tell any of you."

  


It's lucky Daniela has a soft spot for the girl, really. Another employer might take her grouch for impoliteness, for lack of work ethics. Daniela never does. She's had Vanessa at her shop for almost a year now and though she is not sure the girl would say the same in return, Daniela has greatly appreciated working with her thus far. If only she weren't so private…

  


"Alright," Vanessa says, grabbing a cherry soda and clinking it with Benny's can. "Boxes are done. What's the plan with no Carla today?"

  


Daniela lifts the fancy towel Carla wrapped over the basket of cupcakes and gets hit by the entrancing smell of cinnamon topping. Always the good girl, of course, Carla made Daniela's favorites. She smiles and hopes for a good meeting today. With or without Carlita. But there's still a whole day of work to go through before her beloved Stitch & Bitch.

  


"Okay, Benny, I need you at the counter for me," Daniela says. "You have a pretty face, the customers will like that."

  


"Front desk?" Benny smiles cheerfully. "That's a promotion."

  


"Vanessa is not in a mood for it today."

  


"What?" Vanessa yelps. "But what am I gonna do?"

  


"You," she replies, shoving the basket into Vanessa's arms, "Are going on a delivery for me."

 


	8. Vanessa's Delivery Service

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be aware that this chapter contains explicit content.

Once is an accident. Twice is coincidence. Thrice is a pattern. Vanessa should have thought better of tempting fate, she realizes. She now has a pattern of running into Usnavi.

  


"Erm…" He mumbles, staring at her like a divine apparition at his doorstep.

  


A million thoughts are running through Vanessa's mind, none of them appropriate, few of them kind. She checked the address properly, she tells herself. Daniela wrote it down, mentioned the drawing of a bird at the door under the cross. Vanessa had it all right, can't have missed it. She's at the right place for sure. So why the hell is the guy opening the door and not, as promised, Daniela's knitting club member? She described an old lady who Vanessa is sure she must have talked about countless times before, only she never listened.

  


"Are you fucking kidding me?!"

  


His eyes widen and he mutters something irrelevant and incoherent, wilting away before her gaze. She must be glaring, she's sure, yet she can't find it in herself to have some self control. She shoves the basket into his arms and pulls out Daniela's note from her back pocket, checking it one last time. 

  


"Vanessa, I…"

  


"Fucking corner of the 183rd, first floor, the door with the bird, that's the place alright! Why the fuck are you here?!"

  


Her voice is cracked despite herself. This must be a mistake, it _has got_ to be a mistake. She always throws them out, all her hook-ups. Gone and forgotten. Why does Usnavi keep shoving himself back into her life? And why does she let him?

  


"What are these?"

  


She snorts.

  


"Cupcakes. _What are you doing here?_ "

  


He opens the door a bit wider, letting her in, and closes the door behind her.

  


"Closing for the cat," he explains. "And also, I live here."

  


Vanessa finds herself in the middle of an old lady's living room. From the old clock to the dated curtains, not to mention the doilies covering just about every piece of furniture around the room, everything screams kindly old abuela, and yet Usnavi finds himself in the middle of it, cautiously putting down the basket onto the table of the adjacent little kitchen. Frowning, Vanessa looks around to get any sort of clue. Her eyes catch on a framed picture of Usnavi on the mantelpiece from at least fifteen years ago at his communion. Another one exactly the same with Nina's little beaming face. Her hair was adorable, a fuzzy cloud of darkness around her face. And right next to that picture is…

  


" _Carla?_ "

  


"Oh, yes, those came out great, didn't they?" He says, all befuddlement gone from his voice, replaced by excitement as he grabs the photo of what looks like Carla's quinceañera. "She was so happy that day, we danced a few times… Wait, _you_ know Carla? And why are _you_ here?"

  


"I could be asking you the same question!"

  


"You have," he points out.

  


She stares and sees him melt down into a puddle of nerves before her gaze as she crosses her arms and waits for his answer.

  


"I live here!" He defends himself. "You're the one to come in and talk about Carla and…" Suddenly his eyes widen. "Oh my god, you work with Dani and Carla? At the bakery?"

  


"You know Daniela too?!"

  


She drops into the sofa, which sinks comfortably into her weight, and rubs the brink of her nose.

  


"Is this a bit?" She asks. "Is this just a thing where Daniela jumps out and shouts 'Surprise!' to humiliate me? It was just a one-night stand, for fuck's sake, she has no right to do that…"

  


He chuckles until he notices she's being serious.

  


"No," he clarifies. "There's no bit here. But she _would_ do that, right? She used to scare me… I think she still does."

  


He carefully sits on the other side of the sofa, leaving an acceptable distance between them. Her mind flashes with the memory of them tumbling down on her own couch at home. That thing about his eyes, his smile…

  


"Usnavi, why are you here?" She asks, much more softly.

  


"I live with Abuela Claudia," he says. "She's been friends with Camila, Daniela and Carla forever. She, erm, adopted me when I was twelve."

  


_That sounds like a sad story,_ she thinks. She's not much for sad stories, she leaves them to Nina in her books. Maybe that's why her and Usnavi are friends. There's a whole vibe about them that she sees now. Like neither of them ever did much mischief in their lives. Good obedient kid. He sits with his hands on his lap, his back upright.

  


"No, I mean why are you _here_? Why do you keep bumping into my life?" She sighs.

  


"Erm, fate I guess?"

  


She snorts soundlessly. There's a cat peeping at her behind the curtains on the other side of the room but it dashes away under a dresser as soon as he notices she's looking too.

  


" _Fate_. Right." She leans her head back on the sofa. "I don't _do_ meet cutes, you know. I don't do romantic, I don't do dating, I don't do fate."

  


_Not with Daniela at my back, anyway. Not with the risk of gossip following me around like a cloud_. She looks at the old grandpa clock. The shop must be open by now. She ought to go back. But then why is she in no rush to run out that door?

  


"Where _is_ your grandma anyway?" Vanessa asks. "I was supposed to deliver the cupcakes to her."

  


"Ah, she's at her embroidery class with her church friends," he says, red in the face for such an innocuous mention. "She, er, won't be back till lunch."

  


She stares at him, the way he adverts her eyes, his fingers fidgeting along a seam along his thigh. A smiles cracks onto her face unbidden.

  


"Well aren't you just…"

  


"I'm not asking for romantic!" He says and gulps at that before going on. "We don't have to date and, I mean, we've already met… It wasn't all that cute… It doesn't have to be fate, we can just… be."

  


_Is that how they call it now?_ She scoots ever so slightly closer to him, notices the way his breath hitches in his throat.

  


"What are you offering now?"

  


He dares meet her eyes and she notices again how big and brown they are, how endearing.

  


"I think we had fun that time and, er… If you wanna we could… It doesn't have to mean…"

  


She cuts him with a kiss, a frustrated kiss, though lacking no passion. The way he responds so completely, so immediately, his lips against hers like he'll be hanged tomorrow… His hand finds her waist, the other cupping her cheek, and she loves how he takes up so much more space when they're kissing, as if that physical contact gave him all the confidence in the world…

  


"Daniela can't know," she cuts the kiss, goes back to it instantly. A good kisser, that Usnavi. You wouldn't know it from looking at him. "No one can know."

  


"Yes, yes," he mutters, craving contact, leaning into her like a damsel into her knight. "Anything you want."

  


There ought to be something forbidden about this, she thinks. About making out with an almost stranger in his living room, which is also his grandma's living room, and Nina's eyes spying on her from the mantelpiece where the pictures remain in solemn judgment of Vanessa's choices.

  


"Take me to bed," she demands and there's a strangled noise coming from Usnavi's throat.

  


Usnavi's room could be the room of a middle schooler, she tells herself when he lets her in. There's posters of video games she never played, films she never saw. In a corner, a pile of game controllers and some outdated gaming systems under a TV that looks older than herself. A huge bookcase for such a small space, filled to the brim and more, books piled onto each other, sometimes two rows on the same shelf, and he wasn't lying when he said he liked romance, though most of the books are science-fiction or fantasy. She sees a few Spanish volumes, wonders how well he speaks the language. Probably better than she does. She's sure Nina likes that. There's a small window in the corner, a desk, a closet where she wonders how many guayaberas she'd find. He's wearing yet another one today.

  


She drops onto the narrow twin bed, kicking off her Converse sneakers. Usnavi looks around anxiously, as if he was just spotting a dozen messes he wanted to fix before letting anyone into his space.

  


"C'mere," she slurs as smoothly, as seductively as she can and, slamming the doors shut, he joins her on the clean blue sheets. She takes the hat off him, palms his shirt. "Take this off."

  


He jumps to obey, almost ripping the garment off himself in his haste. She shrugs off her jacket, tosses it in his face, laughing out when he struggles to extirpate it off himself. He hesitates a long few seconds before taking off his jeans as well, the bulk in his briefs a promise of the fun they can be having.

  


"You're pretty, has anyone told you that?" She tells him, the thought on her mind since she opened that door, since she saw him at the bookshop, since he scared off that douche at the bar.

  


He looks down self consciously and she pulls on his hands, puffing with the sudden weight of him above her as he lies her down on the narrow small bed.

  


"And you're gorgeous," he says, his mouth exploring down her neck, at the hemline of her sweater which she makes quick way of, throwing it away somewhere in the small space. She'll hunt for her clothes later, when all this is done. This is a mess she'll have to work to fix, find excuses for Daniela, find cover-ups in case any person in their circles of acquaintances starts being suspicious, find a way to make it all work. But before all that, she'll have fun. Switching them around, she rolls on top of him, taking her seat on his crotch and under her, she's starting to feel his interest grow. She smirks, looking down at him, how his eyes marvel at the sight of her.

  


"Vanessa…"

  


"Yeah," she breathes out, pulling off her shirt − the one she wears without a bra, which Usnavi appreciates, she sees plain on his face. "Yeah…"

  


His hands play with the waistband of her jeans and she opens them, just the button and the zipper down, but enough that he can slide his hand inside to toy with her through the fabric of her underwear. She doesn't remember which one she's wearing today. Hopefully something cute. She rests her hands on his chest, loves how hard the muscles are underneath, much more than you'd think to look at him. Maybe all the boxes of books? Or maybe he works out, though she wouldn't bet on that.

  


Usnavi's fingers press down on her clit through the fabric, heavily, almost enough for her. She moans, throwing her head back, and the sound awakens Usnavi's courage. Sitting up, he wraps a firm arm around Vanessa's waist, keeping her close. His fingers dive under the layer between them preventing her pleasure, two pushing in sharply, hurriedly.

  


"Mmh, yes," she says, her hands burying into his hair. "Just like that."

  


His mouth dips to her breasts, lips pursing around a nipple, toying with it and she feels raw and red and beautiful under his ministrations. She grinds back to find him hard under her, harder still when he pushes back into her, a rhythm building.

  


"I don't have condoms," he says, because _of course_ he doesn't. "But I'll just…"

  


Vanessa doesn't have any on hand either, not on a cupcake delivery, but then she tells herself they don't need any to have fun, not really.

  


"No," she says and disentangles herself from the embrace. "I will."

  


She dips to her knees to Usnavi's bewildered face.

  


"Oh my god…" She pulls down his briefs, finds him hard and wet at the tip. She licks her lips. "Oh my god, oh my god…"

  


_I shouldn't be doing this_ , she tells herself as she drops kisses along his length, lips pursing around the head once she reaches it, her hand taking over. Of course, although there were never specific instructions saying she shouldn't bang the guy she delivered cupcakes to, she's more or less certain that job-wise, this isn't exactly ideal professionalism. But even more than that, she hates to think about what she's getting herself into. By some sort of weird luck or curse, Usnavi and her have had a whole circle of friends in common without knowing each other for quite a while. But who knows if said circle will not notice anything between them should this become a situation?

  


"You're so good at this," he says and she's not even sure he hears himself. "Oh my god, this is so good…"

  


With her other one-night stands, Vanessa simply asks them to shut up. It's easier, she can focus on what she's doing and who cares about hurting their feelings? She's never gonna see them again. But no matter what, she feels like she _is_ going to see Usnavi again, by design or accident. She'll let him blabber as he wants. Making herself more comfortable, she slides a hand between her legs, palming herself not nearly enough to prompt an orgasm just yet but it keeps her on edge. She likes that. She likes this whole thing going on.

  


She'll have to be careful, she thinks as she takes him in her mouth, bobbing her head up and down around him. He's bunching up the sheets in his clenched fists at his side, anything to not grab at her hair, she supposes. She likes that too. There's a lot of everything when you decide to risk yourself to casual encounters and you never really know what to expect. Usnavi has been nothing but a pleasant surprise.

  


"Vanessa, you… I'm sorry, I'ma…"

  


With one apparently last moan, an involuntary buck of his hips up into her, Usnavi is gone. Warmth shoots down her throat and she presses down on his thighs with both hands to keep him still. So much for keeping herself on edge.

  


"Fuck… 'M so sorry," he groans. "I'm sorry, I didn't wanna end too soon, I just…"

  


She licks her lips cautiously, swallows the last of it and his words die with the gesture. She lies down next to him, watching him catch up his breath. Fingers playing with the hair on his stomach, she feels his racing pulse under her fingertips, how taut and stiff his muscles still are under her touch. One of his hands covers hers and she pulls it back between her legs.

  


"You didn't end anything," she says. "This is only the beginning."

 


	9. Secrets

Usnavi is the luckiest guy in the world. He has been for a couple weeks now.

  


This afternoon was the fifth time his phone buzzed to a text from Vanessa − whose last name is García, he's learned since, and he has repeated it on his lips more than he can count, Vanessa García, the only name that matters − and he's jumped to the call more eagerly than he ever had anything at all in his life before, replying the affirmative as soon as he saw the sender, her beautiful face asking for even more delicious things from him. Yes, he has a contact picture now. She sent him a cute selfie the other day, to which he answered with a heart-eye emoji and she texted him to shut up, but he kept the selfie and looks at it every so often, at Vanessa's lovely face with a bit of flour on her forehead and eating a fresh donut she proudly baked all on her own, so proudly she had to take a selfie of it. It makes the text even better, even if it written in Vanessa's usual gorgeous prose.

  


_my place @ 8? nina is out_

  


It's a deal they've made implicitly, not even in that as words as it takes to describe it. There is no contract they both signed, no list of what is acceptable and what isn't. The only rule she openly asked for is that no one knows what they're doing and in all fairness, Usnavi isn't even sure what it is that they're doing. It's not romance, she said and he agreed to that. It's not dating. Oh, of course, there is the sex, and that is excellent in and of itself. Usnavi is not a sex god, never claimed to be one. He's had a few girlfriends over the years, not that many but enough that he's not nearly a virgin anymore. Enough that he knows Vanessa is the best he'll ever have. She could have any man she wants in her bed and yet… Those texts, booty calls he supposes, those nights… He has no idea what they're doing, where they're heading, if anywhere. Some would call it 'friends with benefits' but he feels they have a lot more benefits than they have friendship.

  


The benefits do not include intimacy. Vanessa doesn't cuddle. She'll sometimes relent and hold him a little bit, maybe a few minutes or less, but she has a life going on, he sees, and before long that life stops involving him in her bed.

  


"That was great, what you did with your finger when …" She starts as she stands up and away from him and goes on and he feels his cheeks burning up with every word.

  


She may not cuddle, not give him any more space in her life than the exact tiny spot she'll allow him to stand in without crossing over the lines, but she is very generous with her compliments. They always make him blush, how specific they can be. Everything they do makes him feel that special sensation deep in his gut, this mix of lust, excitement and guilt. Today, they've done it at Nina's place again, in Vanessa's bed − or rather, started against Vanessa's door then found her bed. His heart is heavy with a dozen emotions at least.

  


"I'm glad," he says, lingering one last moment on her sheets, enjoying the view as Vanessa picks some lounge wear from her closet and gets dressed again. He loves to know that he was the one who got to peel those layers away in the first place. "I want to make you feel good."

  


She looks at him then, gives him a smile that makes his insides twist. _Shut up_ , he thinks. _She's said she doesn't want romantic, you've agreed it didn't have to be_. There is no romance, he supposes, in the way she appraises his naked body still flat on her bed, his chest heaving softly as he has mostly caught back his breath after she rolled off him.

  


"When are you free again?" She asks.

  


Every time they meet is a risk, the fear that it could be the last. When will she get tired of him, when will she decide that this arrangement isn't working for her anymore? But Usnavi has struck his luck so far, has gotten another text again every time, and he will keep answering the call every time for as long as she wants him.

  


"Abuela has her knitting club on Friday," he says. "It's at Camila Rosario's house this time, she'll be out all night."

  


How many people they're hiding from, how many friends would receive the shock of their lives if they knew that poor Usnavi De la Vega has let himself get bewitched by the lovely Vanessa? That she kisses him stupid every few days, that she lets him between her sheets, between her legs? How many would wonder whatever he could be offering for her to take him up, how many would pity her for such a poor choice when she could be getting so much better? Abuela Claudia will never know, of course, or Nina, or Benny, or…

  


"Friday's no good for me," she says. The cat scratches outside her door and she lets him in, patting his head. As soon as it spots Usnavi, it freezes into place before dashing under the dresser. "I'm at the bakery all night. Thursday?"

  


"I, erm, I got this work thing, Nina and I read to kids in Spanish, it's usually all afternoon and sometimes late."

  


"After it?" Vanessa offers. She's fully dressed and pulled out her phone, checking her calendar, sitting back on the bed next to him. Her eyes glance at him briefly and he feels so exposed, beyond his nakedness. He pulls the sheets to his chest. "Nina's out for the night, her mom always invites her for dinner on Thursdays. She'll go straight to there from work."

  


_Is that how it's supposed to work_ , he thinks. Is he supposed to be spending all day with Nina and never tell her that he's heading to her place to have sex with her roommate and close friend after his work hours? Of course he'll take the offer, would take it in every alternate version of his moment, but still, the lies he's spreading wear heavy on his mind.

  


"Sounds good," he says, giving her a tentative smile.

  


"I'll text you the details," she says and hands him his undershirt. "Here, Nina will be back soon."

  


This is the part he could do without, the rush to hide this away, to leave the place where such wonderful things happened and pretend he's never even set a foot here.

  


"Oh, right, right…"

  


It's almost playful, the way she picks his clothes and throws them his way as he tries to keep up and put each garment on before she gives him the next. Before he knows it, though, the game is over and he is standing fully clothed in the middle of Vanessa's room, unwanted. There comes her hand at his lower back, almost at his butt, to show him the way out.

  


They always share their goodbyes safe inside, away from possible prying eyes in the hall.

  


"Don't forget this," she tells him and he loves her voice even in those last moments, how it still slurs a little bit from the bliss they've had.

  


She shoves his hat onto his head. Her hands linger on his cheeks and she gives him a kiss that'd be enough to make him blush all over again. Instinctively, his hands reach out to hold her close by the waist, but she snakes away from his touch.

  


"I can't wait to see you again," he says, stealing one last peck on her lips before she opens the door.

  


There's always these smiles he doesn't know what to make of, the ones that aren't really seductive, betraying fondness much more than desire. He could live for those smiles, mysterious as they are.

  


"Me neither," she mutters as if she didn't really want him to hear, as if that was secret even from him.

  


The door is shoved closed in his face before he can linger, bask in that smile. He stares at it for a few seconds before telling himself that Nina must come home soon and he ought to be gone long before that. He walks home in the setting sun, readying his face to lie to Abuela Claudia's face after telling her he'd be at Benny's tonight this morning at breakfast. Thinking back of the wonderful night, Usnavi still feels like the luckiest guy in the world today. But such unstable luck is short-lived and he wonders when it will draw to an end.

 


	10. Of Daniela's Woes

It took Vanessa a few days to calm down from her little tantrum of the other day. When she came back from the delivery at Claudia's home much later than she ought to have, Daniela listened to her excuse of bad traffic with an easy smile. Maybe she _had_ exaggerated with the girl, squeezed her too tight, and Vanessa had taken the time to unwind. Maybe it'd been out of spite. Daniela cannot say, but she's let loose a little bit since that day and Vanessa is all the happier for it. She's smiling a lot the past couple weeks, spending more time with Carla as well, which is always a good sign. Daniela wants to keep this good feeling going as long as she can.

  


"Dani," Vanessa asks with a honeyed voice that sounds nothing like her usual. Daniela could stand to hear it more. "Can I have the afternoon on Thursday?"

  


That gives Daniela pause. Grumpy she may be, and certainly lacking no stubbornness, but Vanessa works hard and she's not one to beg for days off only days in advance. Truth be told, the shop needs every hand on deck if they can, but then there was Carla's day off last week, and Vanessa has been so good this fortnight…

  


"Will you tell me why or is it another secret?"

  


There is torture on Vanessa's face as the anger threatens to come back and Vanessa looks like she is trying her darndest to push it down.

  


"Okay, okay," Daniela relents, unwilling to cause another dramatic episode. "You take your afternoon and your secret. Here, go make some frosting."

  


She shoves sticks of butter into Vanessa's arms and the girl doesn't even whine as she makes her way to their kitchen robot, whistling some happy tune to herself. _What has gotten into her?_ Daniela watches her for a full minute, lost in her own little Vanessa world, before shaking her head and getting back to the front room of their shop.

  


"What's with Vanessa?" She asks Carla at the cashier counter.

  


"Mmh?" Carla smiles at the customer, a little girl buying a single heart cupcake for her friend outside, before turning to Daniela.

  


" _Vanessa_ ," she repeats. "Did something happen?"

  


"I don't know what you mean," Carla replies, grabbing two sticks of bread for the next person in line, giving them a smile much brighter than the dim sun outside.

  


"You haven't noticed? She's… happy."

  


"People are happy, Daniela," Carla says and hands her a macaron, forcing it so near her mouth Daniela is forced to take it and have a bite. Because Carla made it, it's delicious. "They don't need a reason."

  


Whatever the reason might be − and Daniela is convinced that there must be one, no matter what Carla believes − Vanessa is turning into a model little employee this week, cheerful with the customers, hardworking in the kitchens, pleasant with her coworkers. For once in her life, this includes Daniela. After the show of that last time, Daniela is much more careful to not make a big show of appreciating this change of heart. You never know what the poor girl might think. Maybe she'd hate to be put on the spot like that again. Daniela has no idea what triggers her rage and what is appropriate teasing.

  


"A'ight, see you tomorrow," she tells them on Thursday as Carla is keeping the front desk and Daniela is teaching Benny how to make meringue. Time is pressing and she's handling the afternoon loaves at the same time − they could really have used another pair of hands today, but is it worth Vanessa's cheerful little voice?

  


"Have fun!" Benny tells her and they fistbump.

  


"Sí," Daniela says, "Have _fun_."

  


She waves at them, grabbing her things and swiftly leaving the shop. They eye her walk out all the way across the room. There's a smile at her lips Daniela wants to see again and again. Vanessa leaves and Daniela kneads and kneads but in truth, her mind is on anything but the dough.

  


"And where is she flying off to," she asks to no one in particular, though Benny is the only other person in the room. "And to whom…"

  


The boy is re-reading the recipe she gave him, always eager to prove himself, to show her he can handle any responsibility she throws his way. She knows she can, but still Benny will grab at any way to convince her that there is not a single flaw with his work ethic. He only looks up to catch a last glance of Vanessa out the front door of the shop, her head up in the air.

  


"You think she's hiding something?" He asks, circling a word on his recipe and putting his pencil back onto his ear.

  


Daniela smiles to herself, maybe a little sadly.

  


"I think she's hiding a thousand things."

  


Benny nods at that. Carefully, he starts cracking the eggs open one by one into a separate cup before pouring each of them in a bigger mixing bowl, separating the whites. She loves his technique. She can't believe she didn't know much about the boy before Nina shoved him into her hands. If she had, she would have tried to pry it from Kevin Rosario's claws long ago. She's not looking forward to the day when Nina inevitably finds the soft spot in her father's heart to get him to hire Benny back. She'll miss him.

  


"She looked… nice."

  


Daniela quirks an eyebrow at him. He catches it and scoffs, getting back to his eggs.

  


"Not like _that_ ," he says and she believes him. There's something honest about Benny, always saying the truth when it's kind and keeping to himself when he has nothing blissful to say. How radical a change from Vanessa… "I just mean, she looked like she made an effort. I think."

  


_Que bochinche_ , she thinks, _we're converting him to our ill ways_. She thinks back at Vanessa's outfit, wishing she'd have the good sense to sneak a picture as evidence. No such luck, although she does remember the red circle skirt and cute little top.

  


"Benedict, you're a genius!"

  


He grimaces at his full name but the frown turns into a grin at the compliment.

  


"I like to think so," he replies cheekily. Grabbing the whisk, he starts to beat the whites. "I think that's exactly what she doesn't want us talking about, though."

  


Daniela sets her loaves under clean towels to let them rise, turning the timer. There is something clean and tidy she's always liked about baking. You follow the rules, the exact recipes and you get results. She wishes life were always that easy. Carla says she has it all wrong, that baking is fun because you can experiment all you want and really let your creativity run wild but Daniela is not much for that. She doesn't like to do guess work, she likes to _know_.

  


"She's a little brat," Daniela says. "I love her more than she knows, but she's a brat. A brat who has a date. I'll need you to spy on her."

  


Benny rolls his eyes good-naturedly.

  


"Sure, I'll keep my ears on the ground. But Nina …" _Target acquired,_ Daniela thinks. "… hasn't noticed anything, only that Vanessa has been kind of distant. She's a bit sad about that and I don't know if I want to… Why are you looking at me like that?"

  


"Oh, nothing," Daniela says, sashaying towards him, grabbing his arm from behind to show him the right angle to whisk at. " _Someone_ 's been speaking to Nina, huh?"

  


It's cute, really, seeing a big boy like him try to shrink himself all little, to take so much less space than he does. It fails miserably, of course. If anything, his reaction is more proof of Daniela's theory. She leaves him be, but it _would_ be good to get another victim again, with Vanessa so fragile these days and not up for it.

  


"Well, _well_ ," she says. "Right before my eyes. She never said."

  


"There's nothing between us," he says with finality. "There just isn't. We're friends."

  


She eyes him, how he goes back to work and pretends to not notice her anymore. He's applying the advice she gave him with perfection, the fastest learner she's ever known.

  


"Well, you keep your secrets as well," she says and makes her way to the door back to the front room. "I'll go back to Carla, the only person here who is honest with me and cares about me and my needs."

  


She's barely set a foot inside the shop that Carla grabs her by the arm.

  


"Dani, can you take the counter, Jane sent me an email with a video of thirty puppies, I really need to check it out, thanks!"

  


And she's gone like the rest of them. Daniela greets the next customer with a rehearsed smile. You really can't trust anyone.

 


	11. Rosarios Fight

There was always something Nina liked about washing dishes. Maybe memories of her childhood, washing dishes with Usnavi in Abuela Claudia's old kitchen. They used to play swords and shields with brushes and sponges and make beards out of dish soap suds. At home as well, she used to spend so much time with her mom cooking and the most soothing part was always that time after eating their hard work's results, when all was done and neat and everything just felt right. Or maybe it's just the smell of citrus soap that she loves, the warm, almost hot water that wrinkles her fingers, the quiet only disturbed by the sound of plates clinking together and water splashing and swirling. It soothes her.

  


Right now, however, the only reason why she is plunging her hands into soapy water is because if she had them do as they please, they would wrap around her father's neck and choke the breath out of him. She can't have that after a family dinner. It would look messy.

  


"Nina…"

  


Her shoulders tense even more and she rubs and rubs the same plate clean over and over, no matter if it has been spotless for minutes. Cautiously, her mom takes a few steps towards her. Standing at her side, she picks a towel and starts drying the wet dishes Nina has left on the rack.

  


"You know he means well…"

  


She sighs. Deeper into the water she grabs the cutlery left at the bottom. The water is so hot it's not entirely comfortable diving her hands in for so long. She lets them linger.

  


"Actually," she says and feels the courage inflate in her with every word, "I _don't_ know that, Mom."

  


"Come on, Nina, you're smarter than…"

  


" _Don't!_ " Nina snaps and feels guilty about raising her voice immediately after having spoken. "Sorry, I… Please. Don't tell me I'm too smart for this. I'm smart enough that I _know_ he's wrong."

  


Her mother sighs heavily but has sense enough to know when Nina is right. She puts down the plate she was rubbing dry and pulls on Nina's shoulder. Half-heartedly, Nina accepts the embrace that she is offering, if only because her mom did nothing wrong. It's all him, it always comes back to him…

  


"He'll come around," Camila says, "about Vanessa. He'll have to or he'll sleep on the couch."

  


Nina snorts, much more for her mother's sake than out of genuine amusement. Sometimes, she wonders how far her father will have to go for her to finally reach her final breaking point. Or has she reached it already when she moved out of home? Nina cannot say.

  


It was all because of Vanessa, of course. The instant they met, Nina was filled with the certitude that they were destined to be in each other's lives. Vanessa inspired her in more ways than just becoming roommates. Every day she shows her how to be brave and strong and Nina is every so grateful to have such a loyal friend. A friend who just so happens to not be cut out of girlfriend material, by her own decision. Those aren't even the words Vanessa uses, she'd say she just likes to have fun, just prefers hook-ups, isn't up for commitment.

  


Her dad had other choice words Nina doesn't dare think about, for fear she'd get even angrier than she needs. It's like he never approves of any friend Nina makes, not Vanessa and her promiscuous ways that aren't hurting anybody, not Benny, poor Benny… Does her dad even approve of Nina herself? She is sometimes not sure if he loves her or the image he has of her.

  


"It's not even about Vanessa," she admits. "It's just… Does he really not trust me with _anything_? I feel like he just believes Vanessa perverted me with her wicked charms and she was the one who made me leave home, but it wasn't like that, _you_ know that, Mom. It was me, I… I can make my own decisions…"

  


"Of course you can," her mom says, rubbing her back and Nina grips onto her much fiercer than she initially thought, her wet hands leaving marks on her back but she can't find it in herself to care just now. "He's an idiot."

  


"And what does he think, that Vanessa gives me slutty advice every night at home, because she never does, we barely talk about that at all, usually we just eat cookie dough and watch movies…"

  


At that, her mother's shoulders sag and Nina's heart breaks even more. Is she _relieved_? Is she only playing nice but secretly thinking exactly the same things as her father? Because how horrid and disgusting the thought that maybe, in a possible reality, Nina would be _having sex_ , how preposterous. And bless Heavens that Vanessa has not been passing on the slutty legacy?

  


" _Not you too_ ," she moans, breaking away from the embrace and turning to the sink again. She plunges her hands into the water but all the dishes are done. "Mom, you can't be relieved at those things! It − It doesn't matter!"

  


"Oye," her mom chides her, pinching her cheek a bit sharply, not enough that it's painful but getting there. "I'm your mom, I can be relieved at whatever I want."

  


Nina glares and gets another towel, ostensibly turning her back to her mom as she helps wiping the dishes as well.

  


"The truth is… Oh, I shouldn't say."

  


That gets Nina's attention but she won't give her mother the satisfaction of knowing she intrigued her. Camila sighs.

  


"Look, I think your father was… suspicious. You leaving, being on your own to do whatever you do, and how close you were getting to Benny…"

  


Nina's heart skips a beat.

  


" _Benny?!_ "

  


"Mija, you won't fool me with him," her mom replies with absolute certitude. "I thought it was… Well, it doesn't matter. He doesn't work here anymore."

  


"I thought the shop was in financial difficulty!"

  


Her mom has at least the grace to look guilty at Nina's consternation.

  


"I was against it," she says. "I thought you were old enough to know what you're doing and Benny is a very nice young man…"

  


" _Yes he is_ ," Nina retorts, "But there's nothing between us! Oh my god, he got fired because of _nothing_! Mom, you can't let that happen!"

  


"I…" Her mom starts but Nina won't let her finish. Rushing out of the kitchen, she barges into the next room to have a word with her father, a strong one, except… They find the living room empty.

  


"He must have gone to bed after the fight…"

  


Nina doesn't find it in her to go look for him to say goodbye.

  


She is still fuming by the time she comes home. Vanessa turns to her, her cheeks pink, fresh out of the shower, wrapped in a fluffy lime green towel on their couch. She smiles. She smiles a lot these days, Nina has noticed. She likes that.

  


"I was almost gonna start without you," she says. "We were at season fi…"

  


"I hate my dad!" Nina cuts her. Guilt grips her instantly. "No, I don't, I love him and my mom but he's so difficult…"

  


Vanessa shuts her mouth, looking at Nina incredulously. Cautiously, she hands her the ice cream she was nibbling on. Nina takes it, shoves a spoonful of pistachio ice cream before speaking again. It's too cold, barely out of the freezer, but she chews on it if she has to.

  


"He fired Benny because he thought I was gonna do him!"

  


Changing her mind, Vanessa snatches the pot of ice cream back, the perfect snack for her to be an eager audience to whatever Nina will tell her.

  


"He was suspicious," she explains. "He thought I had like a crush on him, something like that, and he thought you were going to turn me slutty…"

  


"Would that I could," Vanessa jokes through a too big amount of ice cream, green at her lips. "Do you?"

  


" _No!_ " Nina replies, maybe a bit too loud. "No, I don't, but it's… It's so _unfair_! Can't you see?"

  


Vanessa hums in agreement, mouth full again.

  


"And of course it's Benny, _of course_ he'd never do it to Usnavi, he's way too proper and Latino and never does anything out of order…"

  


There's a heavy cough coming from Vanessa, who strangled on her ice cream. Nina pats her back to help her get it down before going on.

  


"So _now_ what am I gonna do?"

  


Vanessa ponders on the question for a while, three spoonfuls of ice cream − that Nina bought but is starting to feel she'll never get a taste of again.

  


"Now," she says dramatically − Daniela is rubbing off on her sometimes. "You're gonna do what the fuck you want."

 


	12. One Day, Some Day

"What are you thinking about?"

  


Vanessa is snatched out of her thoughts by Usnavi's sleepy voice − it's dangerous to let him stay this late, she knows, and she's learned that Usnavi is the furthest away from a night owl, would fall asleep if she let him, but she can't resist his… his eyes, she thinks, or his smile, his hands. She can't resist him.

  


"Mmh?"

  


Usnavi snuggles closer to her, a leg between hers and with another guy, she'd take that as foreplay for another round. They've had three already, though, and he's not even so hard anymore, just basking in the afterglow. He's got her bad, she thinks, he's really got her. She used to forbid herself to cuddle and here she is. She has no strength left whatsoever.

  


"I was asking, what are you thinking about? You look… pensive."

  


_I'm thinking about you_. She could decline that answer in as many specifics as possible, of course. She's cursing herself for every aspect of it but the more she thinks about it, the more easily she tracks it down to that afternoon at the bookshop last week.

  


It was the kids, she thought at first. Usnavi had told her he was reading to children at Rosario's Books and Vanessa thought that ought to be amusing, so she had gotten herself an afternoon off the bakery for it, with the excuse that it was to see Nina if really pressed to give details. She was planning on listening, hidden away in some corner as far from the readers as she could within earshot and then go home. She wanted to make herself discreet and forgotten and for this to be her dirty secret.

  


When Usnavi began to read and she heard how soothing his voice was, how different from his normal speaking voice, all anxiety and awkwardness gone from it, she thought the children were not nearly invested enough in this whole experience. How dare they hear the most talented, the most passionate, the most devoted reader of all times and only barely react? That was how she explained the pang in her chest that day. She was feeling upset that Usnavi's talent was not recognized. What a talent he had, Spanish rolling off his tongue − she never knew it was his first language and he never said, but the fluidity with which the words came out left no other explanation. Different voices for every character, of course, and another one for the narration, inflections and accents and everything and Vanessa had never heard such a beautiful thing.

  


Nina took the next story and Vanessa had to hide herself from view to be absolutely safe. What excuse would she have to attend an event that Nina never even told her about, never mentioned at home? And Nina being way too smart to believe any lie Vanessa could come up with about developing a sudden interest for children's literature, even more in Spanish, hers being weak at best? But all throughout Nina's story, Vanessa could never stop her heart from racing, still rushing with the memory of Usnavi. She dared to sneak a peak, saw his smile as he listened along Nina's story, affection plain on his face. She liked that smile. She still likes it, because she knows how warm it is, how soft it feels when Usnavi gives her that smile. She thinks she loves it, maybe.

  


It wasn't long before his turn came again. This time all plastered on Nina's face, that same smile, the pride radiating from her. Vanessa took a good long look at them. She still can't believe Nina had barely mentioned him before, much less since she saw them sit there together reading together. The way they look at each other, the way they interact, you'd think them long lost twins. Of course, they don't really look the same, Usnavi's hair all straight and sticking up weird without his hat, his complexion a tad darker than hers, her dimples more pronounced, and her face just like her mom's and nothing like Usnavi's. But every gesture towards each other betrays a lifetime's affection for one another.

  


"The other day…" She says and feels his grasp tighten around her instinctively.

  


She couldn't stop herself. She just couldn't. When the reading was over − and she stayed until the very end, even after Nina left for dinner with her parents − she couldn't help herself. Surreptitiously, glancing around to make sure no one she knew had tracked her down to this very bookshop, to avoid being seen by Nina's parents who she feared might have been lingering behind, she'd tiptoed towards him, taking his hand in hers and, after pulling him away from any spying eyes, had pushed him against a shelf and made out with him like she was thirteen again and hornier than her body could handle. She'd taken him home that night, Nina away at her parents, and they'd done it a couple times as usual, except nothing was business as usual anymore.

  


"Yeah?" He asks hopefully.

  


His hand is playing with her hair against her back, twirling a strand between his fingers and caressing her bare skin at the same time. She closes her eyes. _Control yourself,_ she thinks, but she knows the demand on herself is in vain. She's already broken her self-imposed rule that they would keep this to strictly fucking. Cuddling isn't much of a stray, but then, it's not just the cuddling that has changed, is it?

  


"I didn't know you could read so well," she replies eventually, a million more things to say that she refuses to let past her lips. "Out loud, I mean. You were very good."

  


_This isn't romantic. This isn't dating_. The mantra has been on her mind all week and every time she repeats it to herself, she feels it grow fainter and dimmer and she knows it won't be long until she forgets to even remember.

  


Usnavi breathes out self-consciously, halfway between a sigh and a snort and his fingers stop. _Dammit_.

  


"I didn't know you were listening to that…"

  


She kisses his brow and hates herself for it, for how soft and natural the gesture feels, for how easy it comes to her to be tender with him now.

  


"You'll have to read to me some time. I'd like that."

  


He relaxes and presses a dozen little kisses against her neck. It's not just her, she knows. Since the beginning it was clear that she was the one pushing the brakes on what this could be, this nothing of a relationship. Whatever Usnavi is feeling, she can't say for sure, but there is a lot of it. This week, as she has been allowing herself to creak that door open, he has banged it full open on his part and he is showering her with all of his attention.

  


"Anything for you," he says, his voice all slow and adorable and warm against her skin.

  


He could be good for her. He could be different. Vanessa doesn't have a sordid romantic backstory, a past lover who betrayed and spurned her and left her heartbroken on the curb forever. She doesn't even have a past of many break-ups. She rarely dated enough for that to happen. Her story is not nearly as interesting, just a typical girl growing up shit poor, with no one to fend for herself in her stead, gradually losing her faith in humanity and growing less attached and more independent by the day. Or she just really likes sex and romance is a mess she can't afford. Romance is hard work and doesn't Vanessa work enough already?

  


But Usnavi, how he makes it easy to believe this could all be a smooth path to happiness. It's that afternoon, probably, how very adorable he was. Adorable, but much more importantly caring, reliable, kind… Someone she could trust with her heart and not have him drop it on the floor and shatter it. He often says she's so strong but he doesn't know that she doesn't have the strength for this at all, not yet.

  


"Nina is gonna come back soon," she whispers regretfully.

  


How she wishes she wasn't a coward when it comes to this. How she wishes she didn't have a bloodhound of a boss to track down her every gesture to hold it against her. In here, between the sheets, there is no one to witness how soft he makes her. Anywhere else and she'd hate to be known as the softie, she'd hate for her private life to be exposed at any level, or even mentioned. But in here, in this bed…

  


"I wish I could stay," she hears him mumble.

  


_Must be the tiredness_ , she thinks. He's not usually that vocal about this growing frustration of secretiveness. But then, she's not usually that kind about it either. This week, though, she doesn't think she'd be able to shove him out as easily as she used to. To leave him out her doorstep without a second thought. She can't do that anymore.

  


"I wish you could stay too," she replies and with one last kiss on her lips, deep and deliberate, he extirpates himself from her embrace. She hugs herself, missing him already as he slowly gets dressed.

  


"See you soon," he tells her at her doorstep, holding her hands.

  


She smiles, squeezing his hands. Daring to do something she shouldn't, she leans forward and gives him another kiss, brief but enough for him to _know_ , she hopes, that one day, some day she might want this secrecy to change. Not now, not today, not before she's figured out how to handle it, but maybe some day. She can only hope he understands and waits for her till then.

 


	13. Gingerbread

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was dictated with Dragon! I bought it today and already I can't believe how practical it makes writing for long periods of time. I'm so gonna use this in the long run, I love it. But hopefully I haven't missed any typos here and there. If you spot any, please let me know.

Less is more, Benny has been telling himself ever since that fateful day Kevin Rosario fired him. He took a long time to process that radical change of lifestyle, that betrayal. Now, almost two months later, he has almost entirely convinced himself that it is all for the best.

  


_Are you coming soon? I'm at our usual table_

  


Nina never used to text him near as much before. Of course she didn't, not when they spent all day at Rosario's in each other's presence. There was no need. It was a good trio, the two of them and Usnavi. Nina and Usnavi have always been peas in a pods and Usnavi has been Benny's best friend for as long as he can remember. But him and Nina… Benny thinks they might have gotten an even better deal now that they're working apart. Less time together, sure, but how much better quality. Pushing open the door of the coffee shop that has become their hangout, Benny finds Nina beaming and waving at him from the two big chairs near the back of the room that they've been occupying shamelessly for hours every few days. What used to be a weekly occurrence has quickly turned into more, two, three, sometimes four times a week. Benny could stand to make it even more.

  


"Hey," he smiles, plopping down onto the deep and soft leather armchair. "I'm here."

  


On the table, Nina's cup of coffee is right next to his hot cocoa she ordered for him, the books she's lending him under her gloves. It's getting cold out there, snow on his shoulders that he dusted off before sitting, but in this cozy little place, the chill cannot touch them. Not with Nina's smile in front of him. He grabs his cup at the exact time as her and his numb cold fingers accidentally brush against her warm thin hands − or is anything an accident anymore? She looks down with elegant modesty and takes a sip of coffee. Before he forgets, Benny springs upright, sliding a large pink paper bag under the small table.

  


"Look between your legs," he says, "And don't be obvious. Secret merch."

  


Nina's eyebrow waggle playfully but she does as he said. She bites her lip hard as soon as she sees the present he left her, lest she would cry out too loud.

  


"Oh my god…" She takes another sip of coffee, her legs spreading so she can have a better look at the bag under the table and more importantly, its content. "Oh my god, that's adorable!"

  


"Daniela showed me how to pipe the icing," he says. "But I didn't show them to her, I wanted you to have the surprise."

  


"I love them!"

  


She pulls the bag onto her lap and, graciously making sure no employee is looking, slips her hand into it to look at them all. Benny is quite proud of his idea. Sure, it may have taken the whole afternoon but it was all worth it for the smile on Nina's face. Gingerbread cookies are way easier than you'd think. The hardest part was probably coming up with the list of titles to use. Thank god for their weekly book exchanges.

  


"Books! Book-shaped cookies!" Nina cries out excitedly. "My favorite books in the world!"

  


Benny scratches his head, trying not to be smug about it. He was hoping for a good reaction.

  


"I can't wait to show them to Usnavi!"

  


Benny bites his tongue. He was wondering if he ought to say something.

  


"Actually…"

  


She looks up from the large bag filled almost to the brim − Benny did spend all afternoon on those.

  


"What? What is it?"

  


"Usnavi has seen them already," he admits. "He passed by the store earlier today. Also Monday. And twice last week."

  


Nina cocks her head, squinting at him. He ought to have told her earlier, he thinks. His efforts to not go quite as far as his coworkers when it comes to gossip made him think that Usnavi's comings and goings to the bakery were none of anyone's business. He still believes that. It's not like he has even talked about it with Usnavi himself. He is his friend, not his spy. But then, the epiphany Benny has arrived to on his own… No one knows Usnavi like he does.

  


"Has he, now?" Nina asks, not nearly as surprised as Benny would have thought. Maybe one person knows Usnavi like he does after all. "How peculiar that Vanessa never even mentioned…"

  


Benny chuckles.

  


"I can't even imagine Vanessa talking about work at all, to be honest," he says. "Sometimes it feels like she is one burnt loaf away from quitting in rage."

  


Nina surreptitiously takes a cookie in her hand, glancing around if no employee is looking (because how dreadful, how utterly impolite it would be to be caught eating cookies she didn't even buy in this very coffee shop!), and has a discrete look at it.

  


" _Pride and Prejudice_ ," she says longingly, before nibbling a corner off. She seems to remember their discussion then, shoves the whole thing into her mouth without ceremony and takes a large super large sip of coffee to water it down. "Quitting, huh? I don't think so... She needs the money more than she hates the job."

  


"Actually," he says, "I should take that back. She has been much happier the past few weeks."

  


Nina perks up, her hands full with War and Peace and 100 Years of Solitude cookies. The latter one is his proudest achievement, beautiful landscape illustration and all. It took 40 minutes in and of itself. Her face is pensive, brows knitted in deep thought. Eventually, she nods.

  


"She has, hasn't she? I mean, I love her grumpy and all, but she's been such a delight. She cleaned up our bookshelf the other day. I think that was the first time ever."

  


Benny hates to be gossip. Well, not _hate_ , but if he was to pick a side in the war between Vanessa and Daniela, he for sure would prefer to avoid overly private discussions as well. But some conclusions he has been more and more leaning towards are just too juicy...

  


"I..." He clears his throat. "I don't think it came out of the blue."

  


Nina was piling the cookies into different genres – God knows her tastes in literature were so wide Benny has had to pick what he could – but looks at Benny even more quizzically than before. Oh, how Benny hopes to be right.

  


"I _have_ noticed," he says hesitantly, "that Usnavi would not pick Carla's queue... Not even once in all the times he's been coming to the bakery…"

  


Nina's eyes widen at what he says, though not exactly in surprise. Nothing ever surprises Nina, Benny sometimes thinks, not really. She's so smart that every possibility had at least the lowest degree of plausibility in her mind. There is nothing she hasn't already thought of.

  


"So you're saying..."

  


Benny raises his arms modestly.

  


"I'm not _saying_ anything," he says. "I'm not sure at all. I just have an inkling..."

  


"But have they even _met_? I mean, I always thought I should invite Usnavi with you and we could have a nice evening, but there just wasn't ever any time… Maybe I should have… Were they _talking_? Did they… you know… look like they had talked before?"

  


"Talked, sure, you can call it that… Have you not noticed anything? Usnavi hasn't said nothing to me, but just… I dunno… I thought the way they looked at each other was…"

  


"There was that time the other day…"

  


Benny shouldn't follow along with this, because what if someone were to do the same to him, shuffle through every aspect of his life in search for the slightest indication that there was something amiss… But it's not like either of them have any ill intentions against Vanessa or Usnavi. This isn't a bounty hunt. Just the beginning of a suspicion that there is more than what they had been told, which is to say nothing at all. Usnavi has never been one to overshare about his private life, not even when they were younger. Benny has always had to gather the information by himself. Whether out of fear of mockery or something else, Benny cannot say. It's not like he has a history of taunting Usnavi. Some people are just private by nature.

  


"What happened the other day?" He asks.

  


Nina shrugs.

  


"It's not even just the one time," she says. "Just, the other day she _really_ looked like she'd just had someone over. I thought nothing of it, of course. It used to happen more, her, erm, _visits_ , but I think she's started to be more cautious about it."

  


"For good reason," he says, "because of our bloodhound of a boss, I guess…"

  


"I mean, I'd told you that she likes casual things. Just, these days she has been more secretive about it. I was thinking that maybe she was going through a dry spell, because the other option was that she was… erm… _seeing_ someone she did not want me to know about."

  


Benny takes a long sip of hot chocolate, looking at the leaves swirling around in the wind outside. Fall is almost at its end and, although he hates the cold coming on worse than before, the sights of the city are to die for. Almost as pretty as these dates that are not quite dates.

  


"There is no way to know for sure," he eventually tells her. A pause. "They were smiling at each other a lot. You know how Usnavi looks when he is smiling to a pretty girl?" Nina snorts into her coffee. "Well I think he finds Vanessa extremely pretty."

  


"She _is_ extremely pretty!" Nina retorts.

  


"Never said she wasn't. It _was_ cute, honestly. He bought her cookies."

  


He leaves the implication unsaid, the bag between Nina's legs back on the floor. The cookies he spent all afternoon baking for her, hiding from his own wolfish boss.

  


"It's so odd, isn't it? How this could very well have been going on right in front of our noses and we're only noticing now… Do you think this has been going on for long? Was it a not-yet-dating-but-soon-will-be kind of smile or…?"

  


"No idea," Benny says. "You know Usnavi, when he starts to get a crush, how attached he can get so fast… It doesn't mean anything has happened, I don't think. But Vanessa was just as bad, really. I don't know how they found each other, but I'm seeing it. They look… right."

  


The truth that Benny will not say, will not admit, much less to Nina, is that he finds this situation quite familiar. From the outside, him and Nina meeting up on their own, without the excuse of work, is not all that different from Usnavi's flirtatious visits to the bakery. That's how he sees it, at least. Of course, he likes to believe himself smoother than his friend, but then, is there would be much of a difference between his constant showering Nina with baked goods and Usnavi's not so subtle visits to the bakery? Benny in the safe haven of this coffee shop and Usnavi's well-timed visits only whenever Daniela is absent, both of them seemingly afraid of openly acknowledging their budding feelings. Or at least, Benny is, for fear that the feelings are only on his part. Not so with Usnavi and Vanessa. Whatever is happening between them, it is entirely on a mutual basis. Who knows how much that actually entails. There is no telling what these two have been doing behind closed doors. And unlike Daniela, Benny is in no rush to force more details out of them.

  


"So what are we going to do?" Nina asks.

  


Benny shrugs.

  


"I guess we'll have to let them live."

 


	14. Boys Night

"Hey, it's… _you_ …"

  


As soon as the words have left his mouth, Usnavi regrets them. Something in Benny's face… That was incautious, he knows. One visit too many to the bakery, no matter how casual Usnavi believed himself to be, must have been the one that revealed him for good. His hands starts to shake of their own accord. _Don't be like this_ , he tells himself. _Be strong_. _You have nothing to fear if you_ _keep everything pushed way down._ He wants to laugh at the very notion that he could manage to not keep his emotions right at the surface for everyone to see.

  


"It _is_ me," Benny replies, a cheerful smile at his lips that Usnavi should not feel so threatened by. "And you wanted…?"

  


"Nothin'," Usnavi swears, though even himself wouldn't believe this ridiculous tone. " I… erm… Why are you at the counter today?"

  


It was only a matter of time. Usnavi could not have been that lucky for so long. Coming to see Vanessa at her own workplace, even if he was careful to never visit while Daniela was present, that was not thought through. She let him come, of course, her downfall as well as his. Says she likes to see him around when he can sneak in for a bit. With his luck, he wonders how getting caught has not happened even sooner.

  


It's just that he misses Vanessa ever so much all the time. Of course, even at the bakery, they do try to be careful. Vanessa tells him to not look quite as dorky where everyone can see them, but she says that in a kind tone that tells him he could be as dorky as he wants in private. It's not like he has any control over himself, unfortunately. He only just has to see her and he cannot answer for anything his twisted mind comes up with. Maybe he really should take that chill pill that Benny has been teasing him about ever since they were little. God knows Usnavi has tried.

  


"I work here," Benny replies and even though Benny has always been the largest of the two, Usnavi has never felt so small under his gaze.

  


"Sure, sure," Usnavi says. He wishes he had something to keep his fingers busy, but they are betraying him all the same, fidgeting against his thighs.

  


"Did you want anything? I'm supposed to ask if you want anything."

  


"I… You know what, I'm good."

  


From that point on, Usnavi starts to wonder if anyone could be in on it. There is no one he can trust, really trust about this, no one but Vanessa. And with Vanessa's constant vigilance about not getting caught… Usnavi better keep his doubts to himself, does not want to worry her.

  


No one makes it easy. Certainly not Daniela, of course, whom he has always believed must have a third eye or something. At Stitch & Bitch, she eyes him all night long in the corner of her eyes, he thinks. Or maybe he is being paranoid. It's not like she has never done this before, even before this whole Vanessa situation. Still… Carla is no better. He can't say for sure, but he thinks that her smiles have something of a tease to them now. And if Benny has caught up on the situation, with them working together… Usnavi has no idea how to handle this mess.

  


He knows he shouldn't, but he is the one who broaches the topic the next time they hang out. They haven't had time to do it nearly as often as they used to when they were coworkers, but once in a while, Usnavi gets invited to Benny's tiny studio. He cooks and Benny does the dishes, then they settle on the couch and chill for a bit, a breather in the rush of their daily lives.

  


"So…erm… About the other day…"

  


Benny quirks an eyebrow. Sitting on the couch, he turns ever so slightly towards Usnavi, grabs himself another handful of chips.

  


"So you _do_ have something to say? I wasn't gonna…"

  


_Breathe_. _Benny is your best friend. He has never harmed you or your feelings_.

  


"I… The truth is… How do you know you're in love?"

  


Benny shoves a few chips into his mouth, chews them down before answering.

  


"Well," he says. "I think when you are, when you really love someone, you just want to see them all the time."

  


Usnavi nods cautiously. Benny goes on.

  


"I think you just try to make time for them, even when it's not all that practical. I think you make them a priority. And you give them gifts. Spend time with them, compliment them. Think about them all the time, and their smile, and pretty hair, and…" All of a sudden Benny sits upright, looking all the more serious. "I mean… That is probably how you feel. What should I know?"

  


Benny has always been the wisest of them two. That's what everybody used to say. Usnavi was the mellow one, Benny the clever one. He can trust him on this. If that description of love is accurate, then of course Usnavi loves Vanessa. That makes nothing easier, quite the opposite. Thoughts are rushing to his mind, bumping into each other, and he cannot seem to find the end of it all.

  


"Buddy, if you have something to say," Benny says. "You can tell me anything."

  


"But it's supposed to be a secret," Usnavi moans. "She said she doesn't wanna…"

  


"It's Vanessa, isn't it?"

  


Usnavi hesitates, thinks about her rules that she so plainly laid out the first time. But then, even she has not been following them all that closely. Usnavi is no genius like Nina, not even as smart as Benny, and he might need reassurance every step along the way but he understands feelings at least a little bit. No matter how much he dislikes to talk about them with Vanessa or anyone at all. It's only been a few weeks, and yet whatever there is between them has already evolved, and if Benny already knows… He nods, guilt still clutching his stomach at the thought of having broken Vanessa's rules.

  


"We… We met that night you got f… well, when you stopped working for Rosario's. I-I lied. I wasn't sick."

  


He sees on Benny's face that this was not what he had been expecting. Usnavi himself was just as surprised. A one night stand? Never something he had done before. Much less something he would brag about to his friend.

  


"Oh my God, you…"

  


" _I'm sorry!_ I hated myself, but then she visited the bookstore that one time and she's so nice, and then she literally showed up at my door, and… and…"

  


His words leave him then as they so often do when his mind gets all fuzzy. Benny presses a heavy hand on his shoulder, grounding him down. He has always had a way to soothe Usnavi, ever since the first panic attack he witnessed back in kindergarten when Usnavi realized he'd forgotten his lunch at home and felt guilty for having made Abuela prepare it for nothing.

  


"Buddy, it's fine. Water under the bridge." Usnavi manages a smile. "So there is a reason why you've been visiting the bakery so often."

  


"I think… I mean, we've only been… _you know_ … We're not dating or anything, I think…"

  


The smirk on Benny's face is almost as bad as Daniela's always are. Maybe she is rubbing off on him.

  


"No me diga," he says, mimicking the bakery girls. _Definitely rubbing off on him_. "But what's the problem?"

  


In an ideal world, nothing would be the problem at all with this situation. Usnavi is getting pretty much everything he wants. Of course, the sex is every bit as good as it gets. Vanessa never complains, on the contrary. He's never been used to getting as many compliments on his skills in the bedroom as he does now. Maybe that's another thing that he likes about her. The list is long. They are having sex every time they meet, but it's not just about the sex, it's everything that comes before or after. The stolen glances, the brief touches, the cuddling and the talking and the kissing and everything in between. Every step closer to an actual relationship but denying themselves that by any means. And Usnavi is starting to persuade himself that he is the only one uncomfortable with that denial.

  


"I… I don't know if she likes me. Not like that."

  


There is a passing look in Benny's eyes that Usnavi does not understand. Suddenly, he realizes that he has no idea what Benny's love life even looks like at the moment. He has not mentioned anything in a long while. Or anyone. He wonders if maybe that is something he ought to talk about as well but Benny shakes his head and the opportunity is gone.

  


"I dunno, man. I mean… Have you talked about it with her?"

  


Usnavi taps on his thigh nervously.

  


"No."

  


"Well, there's your solution."

  


And what a solution that is. Usnavi only fears that one day, he will actually have to follow up on that tip.


	15. Crêpe night

"I can't do this!" Nina cries in frustration.

 

Benny chuckles and takes the pan away from her, scraping the remnants of a complete burnt mess. Nina feels guilty about the dishes he'll have to wash just because of her own incompetence.

 

"Yes, you can," he promises. "I'll show you again."

 

Patiently, he does it for her again, buttering the pan, pouring a bit of batter inside it, spreading it all across, much thinner than pancakes, much runnier. She's not used to that. Apparently Benny is an expert already, masterfully flipping the crêpe over, a triple turn in the air.

 

"Carla says everything is in the wrist," he says.

 

"Well, if  _Carla_  says so," Nina smirks teasingly.

 

He chuckles, sliding the perfectly done crêpe onto a plate with the rest of the ones he made. Nina has yet to add a correctly done crêpe to the pile.

 

"You know, she's the genius behind it all. Daniela does the advertising and the planning and Carla is the creative one."

 

"How about Vanessa? She's the charms?"

 

" _I'm_  the charms," he retorts.

 

"Can't argue with that."

 

She hates herself for her words immediately, of course.  _Stupid_.  _You can't go around saying things like that_.  _What if he listens to you?_ But he says nothing, doesn't drop the smile at his face. Often, she wonders if it ever goes away.

 

"Now you do it," he says, handing her the pan.

 

She looks at him, his honest smile, and gives it another try. As soon as she grabs the pan, however, she feels Benny's arms around her from behind and startles, which only makes her lean even more into his broad chest. He takes a step back immediately.

 

"It's alright," he says. "I just wanna help you. If that's okay?"

 

She nods and sighs out when his arms get back around her, bulky and strong against her own. He's rolled up his sleeves and their skin is touching − she wasn't expecting that. She wasn't expecting any of that. Nina takes a big breath and tries to remember everything he taught her about crêpes. For once in her life, her mind goes blank.

 

"Please help me," she mutters and she doesn't know if she wants this to start or to end.

 

He repeats the same gestures as before, the flip of the wrist pouring the batter across the pan, how light and breezy it's supposed to be. Sometimes, she believes Benny makes everything nice and breezy. Certainly her heart. This has gotta come to a stop one way or another. Maybe her parents were right after all, but she'll never admit that to their face.

 

"See," he says. "Like this." A hand guiding hers, as gentle as if he was picking a baby bird, he shows her. "You gotta wait till it starts making bubbles and drying, then flip it over."

 

She almost misses the moment the crêpe is supposedly good to go, so engrossed she was in the feel of Benny's body against hers. He is the one to get that cue, the moment when you can safely flip and the crêpe will be perfect gold. Hand grasping hers, He does it all, really. The crêpe flips beautifully in the air and lands perfectly. Lost as she is in the feeling of Benny's hands around hers, Nina almost forgets to feel proud. The crêpe gets its glorious spot on top of the already quite tall pile, her – albeit rather mediocre – work mixing with his. Just like old times.

 

"There you are!"

 

She laughs and with the motion, her head gently butts into Benny's chest. Her breath hitches at the sensation.  _You foolish girl_. A lifetime of books and cleverness and still she finds herself unable to deal with what she is more and more suspecting to be a crush. How Vanessa would laugh if she could see Nina in this situation. And her parents might cry.

 

"See? It wasn't that hard."

 

She wants to bask in the sensation forever, never have him let her go. Is this what Vanessa feels when she is in Usnavi's arms? Nina cannot say. She used to think that there wasn't much to Vanessa's relationships, but the smiles, the joy bubbling up on her face… It's not all that different from what she feels in this instant, with Benny's arms around her. Maybe there is more to both of these secrets.

 

"Of course not," she says and if he will not let go, neither will she. "But I'm ready to try again."

 

The rest of the batch ends up being made in this fashion, with Benny pretending that Nina is the one responsible for the perfect crispy golden crêpes piling on. By the time they're out of batter, there are way more than two people could possibly consume in one night as they are planning to.

 

"You're sure it's okay we're here?" She checks once again.

 

Benny nods, getting everything ready. He sets down two plates for them on a kitchen counter, a nice little corner. There is a slight hesitation in his eyes before he turns off the lights directly near the counter, the room only lit up by the one light on the other side of the room and…

 

"Oh, that's lovely!" Nina says when he lights up a candle and sets it down on the counter between them.

 

"Lovely," he repeats, smiling at her.

 

He puts down a large pot of Nutella on the table and, grabbing the first crêpe, spreads it across before rolling it up and handing it to Nina.

 

"Out of syrup?"

 

"Carla says that's how they eat them in Paris."

 

Nina smiles.

 

" _Bien sûr_ ," she replies. "Carla's never been to Paris."

 

"I've never left the Heights," he says. "Doesn't stop me from dreaming a little bit."

 

Their eyes meet across the kitchen counter but they're just as quick to advert their gaze, each back to their plate. Nina spreads some more Nutella on a pancake, rolls it up and takes a big bite off it. They're delicious − what else coming from Benny?

 

"Oh…" He breathes out suddenly, staring at her.

 

She likes his eyes, realizes that maybe she always has. People keep praising the beauty of blues and greys and greens but the truth is that they have no idea what they're talking about. There is immense depth in Benny's brown eyes, so dark you'd think they're black, the pupil barely discernible. Brown eyes are warmth, comfort, safety. They're the rocks on the beach and a hot cup of coffee, they're the bark of a strong oak and its branches supporting her, back when she was a kid and loved to sneak out to Fort Washington Park with Vanessa and spy on the boys from up there. Brown is chocolate spread across French pancakes. There is no need for anything else in the world.

 

"What? What is it?" She asks.

 

"You got a little…"  He wet his thumb with his tongue and Nina has to tear herself from staring. "Let me."

 

Reaching over the counter, he rubs some bit of Nutella off her cheek, which she feels warming up quickly under his touch. Instinctively, accidentally, she licks her lips and Benny drops his hand.

 

"Hope it's good," Benny says, his mutter echoing in the empty room but Nina can barely hear it over the loud  _thrum_  of her heart at her temple.

 

"Delicious."

 

The more they have been spending time together, just the two of them, the more this delicious and frightening feeling has been gripping her.  _Love_ , she would say if she was so idealistic.  _Not love_ , her brain takes over every time the word even comes to mind. Not yet, not now, but maybe, if she dared to open that door…

 

After their little secret crêpe dinner at Daniela's Baked Goods, once Benny has cleaned up everything and locked every door and pantry, he walks her back home. Vanessa might be home, or she might not. Even before this whole Usnavi affair − of which Nina has not dared touch a word to either of the culprits yet − her schedule has always been hectic.

 

"This is me," she smiles when they reach her front door.

 

Benny has never been to her home, not once. No one has except her and Vanessa, her little haven of safety now that she is gone of her parents' clutches, at least on that front. One day, maybe. Another door she'll have to dare to open.

 

"I had the best night," Benny says.

 

Tentatively, he reaches out, grabs her hand. They're both wearing gloves in the almost winter but she's deeply regretting that choice now. They smile at each other and she wants to believe in everything their eyes promise. For half a heartbeat, it almost looks like he could be leaning in right now, and she almost tells herself she ought to lean up. No one else is here.

 

A car passes in the street and its front lights flash into her face, blinding her. Instinctively, she thinks of her parents, her father, and she takes a step back without meaning to. Benny, kind Benny who she does not deserve, presses a kiss on her hand before letting it go and she wishes she could bottle up that moment and not let it go. Not let him go.

 

"Good night, Nina."

 

"Good night, Benny…"

 

Vanessa is not, in fact, home when she walks in. Nina is half minded to run back out and pull Benny down to her level and kiss him breathless, but the moment is gone now. There will be another one, she's sure, with all the time they've been spending together. There'll be a time when this whole ball get rolling. She'll just have to wait for it.


	16. Holiday Spirit

Carla's home is a swirl of red and gold everywhere, her Christmas tree so heavy with decorations that Daniela wonders how it has not fallen over. There is a scent of gingerbread so strong in the air she wants to squint up her nose. For Carla's sake she takes it all, for the pretty smile plastered all over her face every December.

  


It _is_ her place after all, for all she tries to push the Christmas fever onto the shop. The bakery remains Daniela's domain. They have reached a compromise of no Christmas decoration at the shop, only Daniela's hanukiah which is way more discreet and elegant than Carla's nativity explosion at home, but as many holiday specials as Carla wants in the baked goods the shop offers. Peppermint this, pumpkin spice that, it's a mountain of new biscuit recipes, cakes and pies, and Daniela's only input has been some six-strand challah. One thing is sure: Usnavi must have bought all of them at some point since they added them to their shelves.

  


"Claudia," she says, helping the elderly lady into her armchair by the mantelpiece covered in socks − even Daniela has one, though she's sure she should make the naughty list every year by any measurement. "I have an account to settle with your boy."

  


Carla looks at her quizzically as she hands Claudia a large mug of steaming hot cocoa with whipped cream, cinnamon and tiny marshmallows. Daniela's stomach almost hurts just by looking at it.

  


"What's Usnavi done?" She asks before Claudia can. "You never told me about that."

  


"I didn't because you would _ask_ him," Daniela replies. "And that's not how we do things."

  


Carla pouts but gives Daniela a drink nonetheless − just coffee for her, thank God. Claudia takes a sip of her sugary monstrosity and Daniela swears she can almost see the wince of too much sweetness on her face but she just gives Carla a polite smile and puts down the mug on the coffee table in front of her − for the rest of the night, Daniela is sure.

  


"I was wondering the same thing," she finally replies. "I haven't asked. Is he not paying for what he buys?"

  


Daniela snorts.

  


"Oh, he's paying, alright…"

  


"Oh, you mean how he's been coming to the bakery a lot?" Carla asks, and hands Camila another of these horrendous drinks, and even she is too polite to refuse. Sometimes, Daniela feels like the only person with a spine around here. "I like it when he visits!"

  


_So do the finances of the shop_ , Daniela thinks.

  


"Yes, what a _pleasure_ ," she says. "Claudia, have you enough bread for your birds?"

  


There is a knowing smile on Claudia's face.

  


"Yes, near enough. I hope he is no trouble. I don't know what comes over him."

  


Camila Rosario, bless her, chooses the perfect moment to interfere.

  


"So _this_ is the reason he's been bringing all those cupcakes to the shop… I thought he was being thoughtful… Nina has been downing those like crazy these days."

  


Daniela stops to think about Camila's shop, and whatever Usnavi might bring all those pastries that he's buying there for…

  


"Mmh… Do you think there is a chance that the boy could have a bit of a crush on…"

  


Camila reacts first, choking on her hot chocolate.

  


"On Nina?! Daniela, you don't know what you're saying."

  


Carla glances between the two of them, looks like she might at something, but settles for drinking a sip of her drink that is probably worth half a pound of sugar. Daniela throws her hands to the sky in apology.

  


"Well, it's not like he would have no reason. You know Nina is a catch. She's smart, thoughtful, gentle…"

  


Claudia shakes her head.

  


"No," she says. "There is nothing there, Dani. I don't think."

  


"Oh, I'm just bouncing off ideas. I don't _know_. What do you suggest instead?"

  


Claudia affairs herself to getting out her knitting needles and for a while, there is just the clicking of her work between the four of them.

  


"Camila, you _would_ tell me if…"

  


"Carajo, I promise you, even if the boy did like Nina that way, the feeling is not mutual. He's like a brother to her. For all Kevin has… Oh, but I shouldn't say…"

  


Daniela smells the scent of hot gossip even through Carla's chocolate hell. Leaning forward to Camila, she neglects her own doily that she had brought to maintain the illusion that this _is_ indeed a knitting club – it wasn't even that pretty to begin with.

  


"Oh, but you _should_."

  


Camila glances at her, shakes her head ever so slightly with some amusement, but goes on.

  


"Well, Kevin had always hoped that if they spent enough time together… But it's no use, she sees him as her brother, a friend, and I really don't think that this is worth digging into."

  


This is what Daniela strives for, the only kind of guesswork she cares about, trying to pry apart the smallest pieces of gossip and get to the truth of it. Every tiny detail that's out of the usual is an occasion to launch a full on investigation by every means at her disposition.

  


"Maybe he's trying to make healthier life choices," Carla suggests.

  


Camila, Claudia and Daniela snorts at the same time, albeit discreetly.

  


"Mija, if he is, then he's buying from the wrong shop. Benny has put on a couple pounds just this month."

  


"Okay, then I guess we will never know."

  


Daniela takes a sip of coffee – people say you should not drink caffeine after lunch, much less at night, but Daniela has never cared to listen to other people.

  


"Oh," she says. "We'll know. We will know."

  


Daniela secret is easy, when she thinks about It. Oh, asking Usnavi would be way too easy, but she has a secret weapon. Though they haven't worked together in a couple months, Daniela knows for certain that Benny and Usnavi are still best friends. And although Usnavi probably does not show up at the bakery for Benny's pretty face, there is but one person that Daniela might ask for details from.

  


"I smell something brewing."

  


Benny startles. Daniela prides herself in being able to enter her room without being noticed if she so chooses, and to be noticed by everyone if that is what the situation calls for. The boy picks up the spatula he dropped but, to Daniela surprise, turns his back to her when he stands back up. His shoulders are tense, his jaw set. _Curiouser and curiouser_.

  


"What do you know?"

  


_Oh, but does every youngin around me have a secret?_ She grabs Benny by the arm, a gentle touch, silently asking for trust.

  


"I know nothing," she says, " _yet_."

  


It would be ever so easy to play with this, whatever this boy is hiding. Too easy, and in any case not her subject today, not now.

  


" _Usnavi_ ," she says and feels Benny untense instantly, "is coming to the shop way too often."

  


"He's business like anyone else," Benny replies. "What's the problem?"

  


She lets go of his arm, watches him rinse off the dishes of the morning. In a better world, they'd have bigger dishwasher that would fit all their needs. As of now, they have their smaller load one, and they have Benny.

  


"Is there anything… interesting you might want to share?"

  


Rinsing another bowl, another, the molds that won't fit into the dishwasher, the boy is a mountain of silence. 

  


"Nothin'," he replies just a tad too curtly, too moodily.

  


"Oh, well if you take it like that…"

  


Dishes all done, he starts putting them away in their cupboards – she spots a few Christmas garlands hidden away in a corner; she might have to have a talk with Carla about that.

  


"Well, if you know nothing about Usnavi, then you might be more willing to tell me about what _you_ have been up t…"

  


He turns around like the bowls burned him away.

  


" _Sometimes_ ," he says pointedly, "people have a private life. They just do. Yes, Usnavi is buying bread by the dozen, but so what? I mean, who _cares_?"

  


She raises a hand as a sign of peace and the boy calms down instantly. She grabs him a mini-cupcake from a tray lying nearby, shoves it in his hands and he takes a cautious bite off it. His face turns apologetic but he finds nothing to say.

  


"Okay, Vanessa is rubbing off on you, I see."

  


He chuckles, finishing up the cupcake.

  


"Should I take that as a compliment?"

  


Daniela shrugs.

  


"Take it as an observation. You're off the hook for today. But I will track down what Usnavi has been doing whether you want it or not."

  


And she will, even if it is the last thing she'll ever do.

 


	17. Netflix and not so chill

Vanessa thinks herself so smart with this whole situation, Benny thinks. Daniela only has to mention that Stitch & Bitch is happening at her place that night and by complete coincidence, of course, it just so happens that Nina also invites him to watch a movie at her place because Vanessa will be out for the night. How peculiar. How surprising. Who in heaven might have an idea where she's gone? He resists the urge to send Usnavi a good luck text, if only because he feels _he_ might need one as well.

  


"Oh, you baked me a pie!"

  


Benny grins, proud of his idea as Nina grabs the pink cardboard box from him, already opening it and taking the pie out to slice it in two − one slice for him, one for her. He lets himself in, closing the door and, after having a look at this wonder-inspiring place he has never stepped foot inside before, plops onto the couch. Vanessa's cat eyes him disdainfully from the dresser in a corner before jumping off and dashing into its owner's room. Benny turns back to Nina fussing in the kitchen. Their eyes meet and they smile at each other.

  


"This is so sweet!" She says as if she couldn't quite believe that a bakery employee would occasionally be offering baked goods to his friends. "You shouldn't have, I ordered pizza!"

  


"Pineapple upside down pie," he says, taking the plate she hands him as she takes her seat next to him with a slice of pie that looks significantly larger than his own. He raises a quizzical eyebrow. "Aren't you waiting for after pizza anyways?"

  


Nina, already two bites into her own slice, looks at him as if a second head had sprouted on his shoulder.

  


"Whaddya mean?" She asks, a polite hand in front of her mouth as she chews. "God, this is so good."

  


"Baked it myself," he grins. "Carla says pineapple is the best sort of pie you'll ever get."

  


"That Carla," she says and licks her fingers for any crumb of pie that might be left. "She knows her stuff."

  


He takes a tentative bite off his own slice and almost wants to call Carla right now to thank her for the tip. The pie is to die for.

  


"Well, what were we going to watch?"

  


Nina shrugs and opens the pizza box on the coffee table.

  


"Some Parks and Rec, I guess. Like season three. I dunno."

  


The pizza is gone after two episodes. On the third one, Nina carefully leans her head against Benny's shoulder. Butterflies in his stomach, he wraps an arm around her shoulders and loves the sigh of relief the gesture prompts from her. He watches the time: still plenty left before there's even a hint of Vanessa coming back. And Ben and Leslie falling in love on the screen… Another episode, and another, and the feel of Nina right against him, snuggling up by now, her hand on Benny's torso.

  


"I always thought Usnavi is a bit like Ben sometimes," Nina says after the fifth episode. "Don't tell him that. Just… Anxious and nerdy. And lovable."

  


"Reminds me of someone," he teases and she elbows him playfully.

  


"Shut up, I'm a Leslie," she says. "Or an Ann."

  


"You have to be an Ann, cause I'm a Chris."

  


They blink and stare at each other at the hidden admission behind his words. He hadn't even realized it and yet here it is, the offering of romance, plain between them. Before Benny knows it, Nina is launching herself at him and pressing up her lips against his. Gently, his arm wraps around her waist and keeps her close, and he indulges in how soft her body feels against his, how tender. There's fireworks booming in his mind and though he wants everything with her, from her, he keeps the pace as slow as she'll allow, trying to savor the moment rather than rush it. Nina's hands are behind her back as if she was afraid of really be kissing him here, the two of them at home all on their own… She breaks the kiss.

  


"Hey," he smiles, trying to look reassuring.

  


With a brush of his fingers, he pushes a curl of hair behind her ear, feels how warm her cheeks are, sees the brightness in her eyes. The show is still going on in the background and he can't believe that he was even interested in it in the slightest before.

  


"Hey," she replies, her voice a tiny breath of nothing but nerves. "I… I don't know what came over me…"

  


"It's okay," he says. "It's okay."

  


He kisses her cheek, loves the warmth and softness of her, but she brings him back to her lips, a hand tentatively reaching out to cup his face. People talk about things clicking into place with just one kiss but in truth, Benny feels like they have already clicked a long time ago and this is only just the confirmation, the proof of the feelings he's held for quite a while in his heart.

  


" _Benny_ ," she sighs with all the affection he's always craved from her.

  


"I'm here."

  


Their foreheads still touching, he steals one more kiss, a nothing of a peck, and feels the smile on her face. She gives him another, and another, arms wrapping around his neck, gripping him like she's afraid he'll disappear. He groans at the touch and, emboldened, she pushes on his shoulders to lie him down, straddling him like they're teenagers making out as hard and fast as they can before parents come home. There's no one coming home before a long time tonight. Arms around her, he kisses back with every ounce of his body.

  


"Benny," she says, her breath hitching a little when she breaks the kiss. "I don't wanna have sex."

  


He stares at her, how nervous she looks all of a sudden, like the anxiety bug has gotten to her again, and she shakes her head. Her fingers play with the hair at the back of his neck, soothing probably as much for her as for him. He lets her speak first, take all the time she might need.

  


"Not tonight, anyway," she says hurriedly, nuzzling against his neck to leave no doubt as to her affections. "I… Let's talk first, alright?"

  


"Sure." He loosens his hold around her, twirling his fingers into her long hair, the curls almost as tight as his, gorgeous. He's always wanted to know what it might feel like to play with it. He loves to not have to wonder anymore. "What you wanna talk about?"

  


" _This_ ," she sighs. " Benny, what about my parents?"

  


Benny had thought that this conversation might happen at some point, of course, but he had been hoping that this point would come much later than minutes after their first kiss.

  


"They're _your_ parents, you decide. I'll go with what you say."

  


There is a groan coming from her against his neck and he pats her hair. From this close, he can smell the faint smell of berries that must be lingering from her shampoo. It suits her. Everything suits her.

  


"My dad…"

  


There is a pang at Benny's heart that, for once, has nothing to do with Nina, not exactly. This whole mess of a situation will have to be settled one day, for sure. He's not sure what he even wants from Kevin. Once, there was a time when he respected the man more than anyone in the world, looked up to him and craved his approval. Nina is still hoping that they might be able to get Benny back to the bookstore, but Benny has much more faith in her than in Kevin. He doesn't know that there is still hope even for him to get his job back, much less to gain his approval to date Nina. But then, what will they do when they go on dates? When they walk in public? When it becomes known that they're together?

  


"I'll have to talk to him," Nina says. "Mom said… Well, it doesn't matter what she said. I'll talk to him and explain and…"

  


She's getting a little bit restless against him and he holds her snug again. She melts into his arms. It feels so good, he thinks, to finally be holding her, to embrace her and keep her close, to show his proper affection. He's been waiting for this for quite a while, if he has to be honest. He's not sure exactly how long, maybe weeks, or maybe even years, but this was not born yesterday.

  


"What makes you happy," he says after a while, after Nina has settled into him again, "is also what makes me happy. I-I want you. I wanna be with you."

  


She leans up on her elbows to look at him quizzically. He wants to kiss her then again, wishes things could be as easy as that.

  


"You _have_ me. We… We are together. Aren't we?"

  


The weight of her above him, the feel of her body in his arms, her face so close to his, there for sure is something between them that wasn't there before. Something Benny has been craving for much too long. Affection, he supposes, maybe even love, but he wouldn't have taken it from anyone but her. He doesn't want anyone else.

  


"Yeah," he breathes out, hearing the relief in his own voice. "Yeah, we are."

  


"I'll make things right with my parents," she promises. "And then we can tell them about _us_ ," Benny's heart flutters at the sound of that word between them now, "and then tell everyone as well. It'll be alright."

  


He frowns.

  


"You wanna keep this a secret?"

  


"Just for a while," she says, apologetic. "I… My parents have to know first. At some point. And they'll know way too soon if we tell others."

  


Benny hums. He's not sure he's a fan of that, but he did promise Nina he'd go along with whatever she wanted. No take-backs. He gives her a kiss on the crown of the head.

  


"I'll let you handle them, then," he says. "And then we can tell everyone."

  


_And let us hope that this does not take too long._

 


	18. The biggest secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that this chapter contains sexual content. If you don't read smut, there is almost nothing to find here, you might want to read the last couple paragraphs if you don't want to skip the chapter altogether but it's really Nina and Benny's first time together and the chapter focuses on that.

Benny's studio suits him. It's small, for sure, but the window makes it look bigger. It's very orderly, way more than Nina's own place − not for lack of trying, but Vanessa's hurricane of mess is impossible to get under control. He keeps a few potted plants around, another impossibility in an apartment with a cat. His couch doubles up as a bed and Nina is starting to think they might need to make use of that latter option at some point in the very near future.

  


"Benny," she sighs, moans, can't control herself. "Benny…"

  


"Yeah," he presses kisses everywhere, her lips, her cheeks, her neck, her hair, and still she wants _more_.

  


Lying down on his sofa, there is no place in the world she'd rather be than here with Benny above her and his hands holding her and his mouth and… She wants so, so much more. Benny's hands are slow, not shy but not too daring either. He's keeping himself in check, she thinks, and wonders if she really wants him to.

  


"Benny…"

  


His hands stop at her waist, as they have the other day, and the next day when they made out at the coffee shop like they're in middle school again, but today Nina want them to never stop. She squirms into his touch but that only makes him drop her side altogether and cup her face. She pushes her hips into him, wants to see if he's hard − could a nerdy girl like her make a cool guy like him hard? − but when she pushes up, so does he and their bodies remain those two inches apart.

  


"Benny," she sighs and there is a hint of exasperation in her voice, she hears. "Don't you want to…"

  


She manages a leg between his, traps him there and for all inexperienced as she is, she is quite sure that a nerdy girl like her _is_ , in fact, capable of making a cool guy like him hard.

  


"Oh," he realizes. "You wanna…"

  


" _Yes!_ "

  


She wraps her arms snug around his neck, pulls him down for a kiss, gives it all she got.

  


"Hey there, Miss Eager Pants," he smiles into the kiss, "I wasn't sure after the other day." He kisses her again. "I was hoping."

  


His leg is pressing down on her and even just the slightest rub against her reminds her of how much she wants him. _Way too long a time of fighting those urges_ , she thinks. _It's time to go with the flow._ Cautiously, she slides down a hand between their bodies to press against the bulge inside his sweatpants quickly taking up shape. He leans on one elbow to give her better access, mouth pressing against her neck, nibbling on the sensitive skin, kisses from her jaw to her shoulder.

  


"Oh my god," she says, feeling her face burning up more than ever before. "Oh my…"

  


It's not about the size of him, although there is that too. It's about everything in this situation, every little detail. The clock on the wall that tells her she's at a boy's home after dark, the TV they never even bothered to turn on today, all pretense gone. Loosening the string of his sweatpants and there it pops out, hard and hot against her hand and Nina shouldn't feel so embarrassed that it took her twenty-three years of her life before touching a dick for the first time and yet here she is, wrapping a hand around him, tentatively giving it a few pumps, and she has never felt more overwhelmed.

  


"That feels nice," he whispers against her ear, kissing it and her arm still around his shoulder tightens, grabbing onto him like a clam onto a rock.

  


"I'm not an expert," she says, feeling much too self-conscious.

  


She tries to remember stuff overheard here and there over the years but nothing comes to mind beyond "Just rub it", Vanessa's most recent piece of advice. She rubs it.

  


"You wanna take these off?" He asks, toying with the hem of her jeans.

  


She nods, lifts up her hips to let him pull them down − not even all the way off, only down to her ankles, but if that's what they'll have, then she'll deal with it. He settles back between her legs, the weight of him on her, and his hand palms her through her underwear − she made sure to put on something cute this morning, striped blue things that made her butt look nice in the mirror. Thank God Vanessa didn't catch that.

  


"I'm not an expert either," he says, but you wouldn't believe him from the way he makes her feel.

  


Pushing her panties soaked with too much making out to the side, fingers pressing inside her, one at first, bigger than hers but nothing she can't handle, soon two as she gets wetter, looser. She sighs against Benny's shoulder and feels him press his face into her hair, breathing deep.

  


"I haven't… done this in a long time," he admits. "I wanted _you_."

  


"I haven't done this ever," she blurts out, her words turning into a moan as Benny twists up his fingers a certain way inside her.

  


He kisses her then and she wonders how he manages such a tenderness even when their hands are at their funny business between each other's legs. With every kiss, his fingers press down, stretching her deliciously, more than her own. But how could anything she has ever done on her own be as good as what Benny does to her anyway? Benny turns her into the Nina she wants to be, more confident and funnier and more attractive, most likely, and definitely sexier. Nina has never really felt sexy in her life before.

  


"Nina…" He moans against her when she tries stroking him a bit tighter, a lot smoother with the wetness of him spreading with every motion.

  


He leans down, kisses her breasts through her shirt and she wants to pull it off, but then she also doesn't want to stop touching him. He gestures for her to at least pull the fabric up to grant him access and how thankful she is when his mouth starts pressing a thousand delicate kisses across her breasts and she is very glad that she feels pretty for him in that cute bra with a little bow in the middle.

  


She has no idea what she's doing, of course, and for all he claims not to be an expert, Benny touches her exactly how she was craving to be touched, but she feels like she may be learning how to do this, getting somewhat used to it. Benny pumps into her hand and with their position, it almost feels like he's rocking into her and Nina has imagined the rest of this way too many times to allow herself to wonder anymore.

  


"I want…" She sighs when his tongue flicks against her nipple, a complete tease. "Benny, do you have a condom?"

  


Against her bosom, his mouth turns up into a smile and he nods. As much as she liked the feeling of it under her fingers, she lets go of his dick, holding onto his shoulders to try and get him to look at her, to make him understand that she really wants this so very bad. His eyes… She looks into his eyes and gulps.

  


"I'll go get 'em," he finally says and gets off of her, standing up all of a sudden.

  


She supposes that things can only go that smooth for a while before the awkwardness emerges again. As Benny searches through his duffel bag a few steps from her, she tells herself that she _can_ be assertive and take initiatives and be sexy if she wants to, but in truth, she still feels like poor old Nina. Pulling down her pants and underwear all the way down, she kicks them off and takes off her shirt and bra as well − did Benny put the heating way up so they could be naked comfortably? Or is it just the heat of the moment? When he turns back around and catches her halfway through pulling down her panties, she thinks she maybe look less assertive and initiative-taking and sexy as she might have hoped and more like the awkward nerd she feels inside, but Benny smiles and the worries go away. They always do.

  


"Let's just…" He says and fiddles with the sofa's mechanisms to plop it down into a bed.

  


He grabs her a pillow and a few cushions so she can lie all comfortably, doting on her even in this instant. But he only has to look at her laid out there for the heat to be back into his eyes and between them. Suddenly Nina's mouth is dry and she asks herself how she's going to survive this very night. Can one die of too much anticipation?

  


"You're beautiful," he tells her, pulling her hand up to his lips to press a kiss on it.

  


"You're not so bad yourself," she says and he chuckles, looking down at his body as she's gesturing.

  


"I know, right?" He smirks and of course, Benny would know how to relax the tense mood she's sure she must be radiating.

  


He takes off his sweatpants, with nothing underneath, and his tank top, and she has to bite her lip when he finally grabs the condom (from a box he just now opened, she notices, and doesn't know why she finds the thought of him going to buy himself condoms just for her so enticing) and rolls it down his length. She gets for the first time a whole look at fully naked Benny, gulps, and nods instinctively. She's ready for this. He settles back between her legs, leaning down to kiss her as his fingers are spreading her open to guide himself inside.

  


"You tell me if anything isn't awesome, alright?"

  


" _Oh_ ," she sighs out. "Oh, this _is_ awesome."

  


He enters her exasperatingly slow, but the way he stares into her eyes, the affection and care and _love_ she sees in his gaze, it all more than makes up for it. Even when he is entirely in, their hips and bodies as close as two people can be, he waits a little bit to let her get used to this − it seems he didn't ignore her dumb earlier confession of virginity after all. A light kiss on her brow, another on her cheek, on her lips, his hand reaches to stroke her cheek.

  


"I… You mean so much to me, Nina."

  


It takes some getting used to, for sure, to have him inside her in this way, never something she's done before. Not just that, but there is also bliss in having him in her arms, in the touch of skin against bare skin, in an embrace so tight she forgets where she ends. His elbows on the pillows circling her head and of course, Benny would never dare to rest his arms on her hair and pull on it.

  


"You too," she says, her voice no louder than a whisper, somehow, as if this was a sanctuary moment she should not disturb. "I… care about you so much."

  


The confession is right there floating between them in the few inches between their faces but she guesses that a first "I love you" during sex would be ill-timed. Instead, she pours the feeling into a kiss and finally, Benny pulls out and drives himself back in and she never thought she could enjoy the slide of him nearly as much − though she had already very high expectations.

  


"Oh, god…"

  


"Good?" He asks, keeps a hand against her face to look at her the whole time.

  


His eyes would be almost too much, if they weren't so beautiful and brown and deep. Where would she look anyway? Benny is the only thing of interest in this room. Hesitantly, she tries to accommodate herself to the roll of his hips, pushing hers at the same time as best as she can from the tight nest underneath his body. He smiles, his mouth half open in his pleasure. At his shoulders, she feels how tense his muscles are, how hard, and she wishes those arms around her all the time from now on. And to think she's here in secret and no one will ever know about this naughty night, no one but her and Benny…

  


"Better than good," she breathes, unable to find her proper voice. "Please…"

  


Benny is impossibly measured and she wonders how he does it. How ridiculous, she thinks, that a pretty boy only has to make love to her and she feels like she's lost her mind. Her breath is hitching as Benny fills her again and again, the pace steady but slowly getting quicker as they both get more flustered and lost in the sensation.

  


"Let me…"

  


He leans back up on one arm, the other pulling at her leg and wrapping it around his waist. From this angle, she sees his heaving chest and has to bite her lip before she remembers that she doesn't have to hide herself anymore, and she moans at the sight, reaching up a hand to touch him. He smiles, flexing his pecs just for her and she wants to laugh and scream into her pillow and kiss him till the end of times.

  


"Oh, Benny…"

  


"Fuck," he grunts. "Fuck, you feel so good."

  


He reaches down where their bodies meet, rubbing her clit with every thrust in heavy slow circles.

  


"You'll have to show me how you like it best," he says. "I want to…"

  


" _You already do_ ," she cuts him. "It's so good, everything you do to me."

  


There's a fondness flashing across his eyes, almost out of place in the sensuality of this moment, but she can't help staring. They've stared at each other so many times before, often across the bookshop when they thought no one would catch them, and definitely every time they met up for coffee and chatting, but staring into his eyes now as their bodies are joined is nothing like any of those looks they ever shared before. There's a vulnerability in being so close, so exposed, but she knows that she can show Benny how fragile she is without him ever thinking less of her. This intimacy will never be used against her.

  


"I… Benny, harder," she dares to say and wants to cringe at how she sounds, how unused she is to be saying any of this.

  


He obeys, first with his thumb pressing down even heavier on her clit and she's never felt it so engorged and sensitive before, not even those long afternoons as a teen when her parents were out of home and she was _very_ stressed out. Then his hips catch up and the motions get deeper with every thrust, almost pulling out entirely then slamming back in. Not too harsh, of course, nothing she couldn't handle, but enough to make her gasp.

  


"You're even more beautiful now," he says.

  


She wants to think it must be a lie, her hair all messed up and her forehead sweaty and her face very flushed, but then she looks up at him, the sweat at his brow, his teasing smile mixed with the pleasure on his face, and she's never found him so handsome as right now, never loved him more. This is their secret, but it's the most beautiful secret to keep she could have hoped for.

  


"Benny, I'm…"

  


"I know."

  


He keeps going through her orgasm, her leg shaking around him and he's never felt so thick inside her as when she clamps around him, his motions perfectly controlled all through it. There is a veil of calm and satiety falling upon her when it all fades away and rather than getting caught up in the urge of getting closer and closer to the edge, she almost feels like she's enjoying him more now. He cups her face once more and she presses a kiss on his palm. A grunt and she knows the exact moment he's coming as well, thrusting more deeply once, twice, a couple more times, his lip quivering a little bit. He lets out a heavy breath and his shoulders sag as his entire body loosens.

  


"I'm gonna deal with, er, you know."

  


She misses him as soon as he pulls out to climb off her, but there will be other times. There will be so many other times. He hands her a towel he was apparently stashing near the bed for this very purpose and she is grateful for him turning around to handle the mess of the condom so she can clean herself up a little bit without him watching. It's not much, but she does feel a bit freshened up by the time he gets back to bed to hold her against his broad chest. Nina never knew cuddles could be so perfect, his body so warm against her. She yawns, nestling even closer to him and he kisses the top of her head.

  


"We should have done this way sooner."

  


He chuckles and she loves how that sounds, her ear pressed against his torso, how it heaves under her.

  


"You tell _me_ ," he retorts.

  


"I wanna stay here in this bed forever."

  


He doesn't say anything, just holds her close, but they both know the reality of this and Nina cannot possibly come home tomorrow morning, much less tomorrow night. There is a charade they must keep and she'll play that part like she must.

  


"I _know_ ," she sighs. "I'll have to go back home."

  


An hour later, she's walking back home with the feeling of Benny's arms around her still overwhelming her. She doesn't even need to fake the smiling face when she opens the door, so elated she still feels, but all for nothing. The apartment is dark and empty, the cling of her keys in the bowl at the entrance echoing through the room.

  


"Well, wouldn't you know it…"

  


She should have known better than to expect Vanessa at home at night, nowadays. On the fridge, she finds a post-it that says "Gone for groceries brb xxx" with a heart doting the 'I' but she wonders how long that post-it has been here tonight.

  


"Groceries, is that what you call him now?"

  


In her room, she drops her coat, her bag, stretches herself in all her height. She feels all cramped in the best way. There's a dash of fur flashing out the doorway, straight to Vanessa's room.

  


"It's fine," she cries out after Pepper. "I never liked you much anyways."

  


She changes into sleepwear, her body exhausted already, even if her mind is bubbling up. Plugging her phone to charge, she notices a text message.

  


_home safe? I miss you <3_

  


She hastens to reply to the positive. If this is what secrets look like with Benny, she's fine keeping that one for a while.

 


	19. Usnavi's Gifts

She opens the door to him in her loosely wrapped bathrobe, some present from Daniela from her last birthday. She'll never thank her enough, except that Daniela can never know about this, ever, so she'll never thank her at all. Vanessa knows she's being way too risky, a tad too cliché, but it's all worth it for Usnavi's mouth gaping open, his eyes bulging at the sight. Thank God it wasn't a neighbor asking for milk.

  


"Hello," she purrs in what she deems to be her sexy voice.

  


Usnavi's hand is stuck mid-air after his knock − she was waiting for him to be there and opened promptly. She grabs it, interlacing their fingers as she pulls him inside, shutting the door behind them.

  


"You're… You're very beautiful," he manages to get out.

  


"Yeah," she says, trying to keep her smirk in all good fun and not too teasing. God knows Usnavi is sensitive to that. "What you got there?"

  


He blushes, smiling like an idiot, and shoves a paper bag from the bookshop into her hands, looking away when she takes it and almost tears it open in her haste.

  


" _The Hedge Knight_?" She asks and invites him in her room − there's no need for pretense here, as they both know where the night is going to be headed.

  


"I saw that you had _A Song of Ice and Fire_ in your bookshelf and I didn't see the novellas accompanying it so I thought… Oh, nevermind, it was stupid."

  


"No!" She cries out when he tries to grab the book back. "No, I love it. Thank you."

  


She kisses him and she loves how he always melts into a kiss whenever he's been fussing nervously just before it. He makes her feel like she's helping.

  


"I also got you this," he says, handing another paper bag.

  


She opens that one as well and gets an even better surprise.

  


"Brownies!" She cries out and takes the first brown square of delicious smelling pastry out. "Oh my god."

  


"I mean, I know you work at a bakery and maybe you're tired of stuff like that… I just… I had the afternoon off and I felt like making brownie…"

  


She takes a bite and groans at how good it is.

  


"Oh my god, how are _you_ not the bakery employee? We must get Daniela to hire you."

  


He laughs self-consciously and she's sure he must know just as well as her that this cannot happen, for the simple reason that Daniela must never know about them, ever. But those masterpiece brownies…

  


"Here," she says, holding up the piece before his mouth. "Take some."

  


"I had some at home," he says. "With Abuela Claudia's afternoon cafecito."

  


Sometimes, Usnavi is being an insufferably good boy. She eats another square of brownie all on her own. The first time in the world that anyone gives her brownie, if you don't count Daniela handing her the trays, snapping at her to hurry up and cut them to fill the display. Which Vanessa does not, in fact, count as a gift. Usnavi grabs the book from her to let her enjoy this, putting it down on her desk. He's probably urging to put it right next to the others and to put some order into her bookshelf, but Vanessa won't let him. He can handle a bit of a mess. He must, if she's in his life.

  


"C'mere," she demands and Usnavi comes to her like a good boy. "Here, take some, please."

  


"But Vanessa, they're for you…"

  


She holds up the brownie at his mouth again.

  


"Don't you trust me?"

  


He sighs and rolls her eyes and Vanessa shouldn't feel her stomach gripping tight like that, noticing once again how pretty he is when he's like this, when he just pretends to be uptight because she can see the smile hiding behind this face.

  


"Bueno, then."

  


"Close your eyes."

  


He dutifully closes his eyes, all the trust in the world. Vanessa ought not to betray that… She passes a finger across his lips, how he opens them eagerly but it's only just her finger. He looks so peaceful, so calm, like there is nothing in the world that could disturb them. She smashes the remaining of the brownie square against his cheek.

  


"What the… _Vanessa!_ "

  


Laughing, she falls back onto the bed, her robe flapping around her. She smirks at Usnavi, still standing over there with chocolate mashed on his cheek, but he grabs a kleenex from her vanity and rubs it off before climbing into bed after her, fingers launching an attack on her sides, tickling her breathless. She giggles until she can't take it anymore and he nudges her legs apart, finding his place between them as the laughter resolves to give way to kisses.

  


"I'm sorry," she says through kisses, holding him tight, fingers burying into his short hair.

  


He reaches up, cupping her breasts through the thin silky fabric, toying with her.

  


"No you're not," he replies, a smile at his lips as he covers her neck in open-mouthed kisses, almost enough to leave a mark but Vanessa gave him strict instructions the first time he attempted to.

  


"No I'm not," she says, her hips rocking into his.

  


A good boy like Usnavi, he's good to her all night.

  


When they're done, Usnavi likes to hold her and talk and she likes to indulge him. His head buried against her chest, he clams onto her like he's afraid this was the last booty call he'll ever get in his life. Far from the truth, she thinks. He's been coming more and more often these days. It just so happens that Nina has been out of home more and more often as time goes, for some undisclosed reason that Vanessa has not thought to ask more details about. Not to Nina herself.

  


"D'you have something important coming up at work?" She asks.

  


Usnavi presses a slow gentle kiss against her breasts, two, ten, before answering. Vanessa's fingers play with his hair − he always seems to like that.

  


"No? I don't think so."

  


She nods, crossing off that possibility. Usnavi's leg finds its way between hers and his kisses get more insistent, but all of a sudden he remembers something and takes the tiniest of distance from her.

  


"There _is_ some project that Nina has told me about…"

  


_Ha. There it is_.

  


"Tell me about it," she demands, pulling him back against her − she's not much up for a round two tonight, satiated as she is, but she'd rather let him down gently.

  


"I mean, I don't really know much," he shrugs. "She said she's working on it before she presents the idea to her father and I didn't…"

  


"Think to ask for any details?"

  


"Yeah. She's like that, Nina."

  


There is a fondness in the way he says Nina's name that Vanessa understands and appreciates. She is a special girl. One day, she wonders if Nina will have to learn about this, two important people in her life finding each other. She dismisses the thought.

  


"She wants to get Benny back at the bookshop, I think," she says.

  


Her fingers are tracing circles across Usnavi's back and he nuzzles against her neck. There is something good in allowing him these cuddles, there just is. He looks so much more soothed and happy after, and truth be told, she feels the same.

  


"I don't think it's just Benny," he says, his voice getting that special slowness of post-sex once he's realized that they were done for the night. "Rosario's isn't doing too well with the, ya know, _gringos_ putting up vegan ice cream all over the block. It's for the shop that she does everything. Nina loves our shop."

  


Would that Vanessa could say the same about her own place of employment. But she has heard similar things discussed between Daniela and Carla and she nods. A less juicy reason for Nina's absence than she would have hoped for.

  


"I mean, it's a nice enough shop," he says and there is no stopping him now that she's launched him. "But it's nothing special at all, and the only thing it has is that we speak Spanish but how unique is that? It's the Heights, everybody speaks Spanish. But we just do our job and try to be good people but sometimes, it's hard not to feel overwhelmed when you could lose to competitors any time at all and you're the boring old corner shop and…"

  


He's fussing again and at some point Vanessa thinks he may have stopped talking about the shop itself.

  


"Shh," she says, grabbing his hand and stroking it. "I think you're doing much better for yourself… er, yourselves, than what you think."

  


He grins like an idiot against her neck.

  


"Okay."

  


The bathrobe is laying on the ground, all its effect done and passed. It's all just tricks and jokes in the end, she thinks. What's real is this, holding Usnavi against her, talking and sharing and learning about each other. She'd give everything to keep this real for as long as she can.

 


	20. Benny's Friends

Self confidence is never something you're born with. At least Benny doesn't think so. Sure, he's always been the smiling guy, the one who greeted everyone in a room and won more fights than he fought by staring down at his-would be opponents. But more than having some predefined assurance, he's built it over time and made it his protection as well as his weapon. He's tried to explain this to Usnavi before, and to Nina even, but they seem to think he's the only person on whom it works.

  


Of course, context helps. It is a hell of a lot easier to feel confident these days when he arrives at a work he loves to be greeted by coworkers he respects and who openly appreciate him and treat him as a friend. It's even easier with texts from Nina all over his phone and the memory of her hands in his and of her mouth on his lips and the knowledge of their love in his heart. It's easier without his ex boss's funk and scrutinizing eyes. Who knew becoming a baker would open so many doors?

  


"Hey," Carla grins when he arrives at work bright and early long before opening to prepare the first loaves of the day. "Just the one I wanted to see!"

  


"Yo, what's up?"

  


She smiles and pulls out a pompom hat from her bag, brandishing it excitedly. It's big and bulky and bright yellow, and he loves it instantly.

  


"I made this for you!" She says, shoving it in his hands. "I know you still have a lot to learn…"

  


Another dude would probably refuse himself this level of confidence but Benny has never had a care in the world. When, the other day, Carla caught him looking at the complicated stitches of her scarf during one of his breaks, she offered to teach him needlework and they've spent every lunch break together this week to let her transmit her ancestral family skills, as she puts it. He always knew this was a passion of hers and Daniela's. He has no idea why Vanessa never looked into it before: he has fallen in love with those skills as soon as she's showed him the first stitches.

  


"Oh, thanks!"

  


"I also asked if you could come to the knitting club…"

  


"Stitch & Bitch," he smirks.

  


" _The knitting club_ ," ever-polite Carla insists. "Yesterday's meeting was at Camila's. And you could if you want, it's just that we've never had a boy, but sometimes Usnavi sits with us so the others said they didn't see a reason why you couldn't."

  


That reason, Benny sees it plain as day, although he's not sure he wants to talk to Carla about it. Camila Rosario is the reason. Now, he can't say that the woman ever did him any wrong. She even did him plenty good, polite and reliable as a boss, kind and open as a friend's mom. As a boss's wife, however, he cannot vouch for her all that much. He's sure that him getting fired was not her work, most likely her husband's, but that doesn't mean he's all that eager to spend extra time with her if he can avoid. Not to mention now that he's seeing her daughter in secret… And who knows what Camila even thinks of him in the first place? Politeness and outward respect is one thing, but who is to say she is not tacitly agreeing with everything her husband would dare to say? No, Benny finds no desire in his heart to spend any time with her outside of bare necessity − which hasn't been the case so far since he got the job at Daniela's Baked Goods.

  


"Oh, erm," He plays with the ribbed hem of the hat. "That's really cool, Carla, but I think I'm gonna say…"

  


"What are you two doing here?" Daniela interrupts. Standing in the doorway with light glaring from behind her, she looks every bit the gloomy apparition she wants herself to be. "Get to work! Door opens in hour and a half."

  


"Yes, ma'am!" Benny salutes and gets to his dough.

  


In a way, he's not unhappy with the offer, even if he decides to refuse it. They say it's the thought that counts, and as cliché as it sounds even to him, there is truth in the statement. What matters is the acceptance and friendship of his coworker, a healthy workplace. All the rest fades away. He knows he won't hurt Carla's feelings by refusing the knitting club, because their relationship is not based on just that. It's the way she teaches him so much inside the kitchens and outside, how they jog together every few days, how she tells him childhood secrets about Nina (she doesn't know about them, not yet, but he relishes in those anecdotes all the same). Benny's happiness is no longer dependent on whether his boss approves of him or not. There are countless aspects of his relationships with everyone that make him happy and for that, he is grateful.

  


"You're awfully gleeful," Vanessa comments, coming in a bit late, her baggy eyes hidden away behind a make-up thicker than usual.

  


"I am," he says, humming to himself.

  


Yesterday, he couldn't see Nina but they chatted all night in text and she sent him a selfie just before going to sleep. All night, he could only dream of her sleepy little face, tired eyes and hair done up in two buns. He's a very happy man.

  


"And _you_ ," he says on a whim, "Are just the same. You don't need to hide it."

  


"I'm not hiding nothing," she says. "Not before six in the morning. I hate this job."

  


He snorts, smiling despite himself at what he knows to be a lie, no matter what Vanessa says.

  


"Well," he says. "I think happiness suits you. And not just you."

  


They work in silence, the sound of Daniela's salsa coming through from the other room where she cleans up the shop with Carla, gossiping and laughing and probably dancing a little bit as well. He loves that sound. It reminds him of sunshine. All of a sudden, Vanessa drops her bowl. It almost clangs against the floor but instinctively, Benny dives down to get it before it can shatter. Small blessings.

  


"Yo, you alright?"

  


" _You're his best friend_ ," she hisses.

  


Benny gets back up, carefully keeping the bowl upright so its content doesn't garnish the floor Carla just mopped, and puts it back onto Vanessa's station. In his heart, he knows exactly what she's talking about, but he still quirks an eyebrow. It's better to let people say what they have to say rather than pry it out of them, he finds. They often do eventually, if Usnavi is any measure.

  


"Mmh?"

  


Vanessa glances at the door and looks torn, as if she wanted to rush and slam it shut. She settles for a more discreet option and whispers almost inaudibly.

  


"You're Usnavi's best friend," she says. "He spilled the beans, didn't he? That little…"

  


Benny smiles, focused on his own work. Fold and turn, fold and turn, the new kneading method Carla showed him the other day.

  


"This is adorable," he says, getting the dough cutter from his utensil box. He's careful to keep his tone down as well. "I only have to mention that you look happy and your mind jumps to Usnavi. I like that."

  


She groans, leaning against her table, staring down at the floor in her frustration.

  


"I _told_ him it was supposed to be a secret. Oh my god. What's he even…"

  


"Hey," he says, lifting a hand to pat her shoulder but thinking better of it. With Vanessa, there is never any telling how a gesture might be perceived. "Hey, it's alright. I'm happy for him. And for you."

  


She looks back up, her dark thin eyes peering into him like he's a known liar and she's just pierced another one of his schemes.

  


" _Happy?_ "

  


"Of course," He shrugs. "You just said it, he's my best friend."

  


She sighs. He really wants to pat her back or her head, do something, anything to make her feel better but she's a tight little ball of stress and tension and he's afraid she might snap in his hands if he tries anything, or bite.

  


"Well," she says eventually. "At least you're not upset or jealous or anything, I dunno."

  


"Why would I be? Me and Nina are perfectly ha…"

  


He realizes his mistake as soon as the words leave his mouth and groans in frustration. The look on Vanessa's face is utterly priceless, though he daresay she might have been expecting something like that at some point. There's a lot more satisfaction and teasing than surprise in her eyes.

  


"That bitch," she says emphatically. "She never even told me."

  


"Don't call her that."

  


Vanessa chuckles.

  


"I know, I know, sorry… But still, she never said! Dude!" She punches his shoulder playfully. "That's awesome, she needed something like that, all stressed and everythin'…"

  


_I needed it just as much. You wouldn't believe how much I needed Nina_.

  


"Same with Usnavi," he says instead. "You know, already when we were kids, he was all anxious like that? But recently, he's been doing much better…"

  


There is fondness flashing across her face that he's very glad to see. So Usnavi wasn't the only one catching feelings after all. Not that it surprises him in any way. It's basically a best friend's hard rule that you must believe your homie to be the biggest catch in the universe and Benny certainly thinks that about Usnavi.

  


"You cannot tell _anyone_. Ever. In the history of forever."

  


He thinks back to what Nina said.

  


"Actually, you also shouldn't tell anyone, if you don't mind…"

  


"Mmh, you're Nina's naughty secret? Kinky."

  


He rolls his eyes.

  


"It's not like that, just…"

  


A shadow interrupts their secret discussion. Hand at her hip, scarf tucked over her perfectly done hair, cleaning detergent bottle in her hand, Daniela is the fiercest janitor baker boss you could ever come across.

  


"This isn't social hours!"

  


Benny smiles to himself, getting back to work. Yes, he can really say that this job has been a blessing, grumpy coworker and all. He even believes that he will miss it sorely when Nina manages to get him back in Kevin Rosario's good graces. She says they're on talking terms again, progress coming by tiny steps. He's not so sure he's looking forward to getting back to that status quo.

 


	21. The Idea

"I think I got the idea that'll save Rosario's," Nina mutters excitedly as she slides back next to Benny into the booth.

  


They're eating out tonight. Nothing fancy, just some Cuban diner, but just sitting together, having a good time, talking, they need that too. Benny cocks an eyebrow at her.

  


"In the restroom?"

  


She giggles − _you stupid_ , she thinks, _giggling at anything your boyfriend says, what are you, twelve?_ − but goes on.

  


" _No_ ," she replies, pushing his arm. "But I walked past the dessert tray on my way back and it reminded me…"

  


That is only half a lie. In truth, she has been working on this idea quite a lot this week ever since it sprouted to mind during one of her pillow conversations with Benny. Like all of her ideas, she likes to cherish it and water it and see it grow until she shares it with the world, even with Benny. The dessert tray was the only excuse she found to talk to him about it, though she has been wanting to have his opinion for a while.

  


"You could help us," she says and feels herself gesticulating as she often does when she gets too excited in a concept, but she can't stop herself. "I don't mean _you_ , I mean the bakery, you could give us cake and the kids would love it and…"

  


Her words get lost as she realizes how unclear she's being, not helped in the least by Benny's amused smile. His hand is on her thigh, not insistent but a calm reminder of his presence. She likes that. She breathes and starts again.

  


"I was thinking we could organize special afternoons at the shop," she says. "For the children of Washington Heights. They'd read books together, maybe we could make some sort of competition of it, kids react well to challenges like that. They'd get a discount if they buy a book on those afternoons, maybe a special prize if they win the competition, I don't know… And cakes and pies for the whole family to enjoy."

  


Benny is still staring, his smile not nearly as amused as it was. She grabs his hand, suddenly needing reassurance.

  


"It could be a fun time for everyone, I was thinking…" She concludes.

  


Benny blinks and shakes his head, pressing a kiss on her cheek. They're careful to never visit shops or restaurants their loved ones would frequent and in those secret places, they can be as affectionate as they like, just like home.

  


"That's a fantastic idea," he says, squeezing her hand. "I love it. I'm blown away."

  


"I just think that people want more of a bookshop than just books."

  


He nods, pride glinting in his eyes. She feels herself go rosy with pleasure.

  


"You're so smart," he says. "And ingenious, and everything, but… Our bakery being suppliers? I dunno about that…"

  


"Come on, I'm not gonna order cakes from anyone else," she smiles.

  


"Your father… ?"

  


Nina grows silent. She was hoping he wouldn't ask, but of course Benny is far too clever, he always was. The truth is that Nina and her father have been in a common and tacit decision agreeing to ignore the entire elephant in the room, ignore that he thinks she's still a child, that she thinks he's a bit of an a-hole, and they have coexisted together rather smoothly the past couple weeks. Of course, it helps that it's not just the two of them at the shop. Her mom has always been the glue of the Rosario household and Usnavi's tense but persistent attempts at making conversation with the both of them has born its fruits as well.

  


"Dad won't refuse to buy cakes from Daniela's just because you work there," she says. "He… likes Daniela I suppose, as much as anyone can like Daniela."

  


He looks like he has more to say about this, but shakes his head and strokes her palm with kindness, sneaks in a quick kiss.

  


"Well, you've thought of everything, haven't you?"

  


"That's what I do," she smiles.

  


The best part about these date nights, she couldn't even pick. Benny's eyes, maybe, how he always looks at her so intently, like she's an old love poem he's trying to decipher, or his hand holding hers, how warm she feels whenever even their thighs are touching when they're sitting side by side. She loves him, she thinks, and hopes to tell him one day, and sooner rather than later.

  


The worst part is easy to pick. After they split the bill in equal halves, Benny takes her hand and out they go. They try to linger the feelings, of course, as he walks her home but sooner or later they must reach her block, her building, her floor, and it's only at the door that they must stop and let go of each other for one excruciating night apart again.

  


"So…" She says, the word dragging on with regret. If only Vanessa weren't home tonight…

  


"So, I will see you again soon," he says, bringing her hands to his lips, warming them up with kisses. "And I'll miss you until then."

  


"How much will you miss me?" She teases and his eyes flicker with heat.

  


With a laugh she tries to control, she gets pressed up against the wall, kisses peppered across her neck and jaw and ears, her whole face, and breathlessly, exhilaratingly, she tries to get back down but in vain. Benny presses up a leg between hers and she feels glad she's wearing a skirt today, even with her thick woolen tights. She pats his shoulders and he stops where he is, breathing heavy against her neck.

  


"This much," he says.

  


She pulls him to her lips and they kiss and kiss again, until she remembers that Vanessa is on the other side of this wall, probably, and that it would be very unfortunate for her to open the door and find them so.

  


"I have to go," she says, making no gesture to do so, her hands cupping his face.

  


He nods and leans back in to kiss her again, deeper, before he lets her go. She pats her outfit down, trying to put some order which isn't presently there. She probably still looks like a kissable mess but it'll do, she tells herself. Benny kisses her cheek again and she loves the feel of the tiniest hint of stubble across his cheeks at the end of the day.

  


"Goodnight, Nina," he whispers, his breath warm against her cold skin from outside.

  


"Goodnight," she replies and with torture, lets go of him for good.

  


She waits till he's at the end of the hall and he waves at her one last time to open the door.

  


"Yo," Vanessa greets her from the sofa where she was lounging. "You're home late."

  


"And you're home early, it's a match made in heaven," Nina retorts, patting Vanessa's shoulder on her way to her room.

  


She pulls off her coat and she thinks it might just still smell a little bit like Benny. She breathes it in.

  


"Alright, you keep your secrets," Vanessa says from the other room and Nina hears the sound of chips crunching. "I don't care."

  


"I was working," Nina replies. "Sorry to disappoint."

  


She puts on her pajamas. Her mind goes to Benny again and she wonders if he's ever seen her in her pjs, and what he wears to sleep. She's seen him in lounge wear, but does he sleep in the nude? Will she ever find out? Will she follow suit? Or are they going to cuddle to sleep in matching pajamas? The possibilities are endless.

  


Vanessa's eyes are squinted at her suspiciously when she walks back into the living room, but Nina just pops down onto the couch next to her and grabs a handful of chips, watching whatever Vanessa put on, some thriller thing, she sees.

  


" _You_ were working," she says slowly. "All on your own at the shop?"

  


Nina thinks of Usnavi, of the lies she's telling. She nods. No need to wonder in whose company Vanessa might have been, to be suspicious of this lie.

  


"Yes," she replies.

  


Vanessa's gaze lingers just a bit too long for her comfort, but she eventually nods and gets back to her movie. Nina prays the lying soon comes to an end.

 


	22. Daniela Finds Out

There is nothing Daniela likes more than a good riddle. Of course, her favorites imply the usual who is sleeping with whom, who said what and for what reason, and all the likes. The very best are the ones that she gets stuck on for as long as weeks. December days keep trickling in and there is no telling what is what with the boy.

  


"Usnavi," she says, handing him her cup for a refill during Stitch & Bitch at Claudia's. "Tell me, who's the lucky lady?"

  


He stumbles in his step to the kitchen − thank God the cup was just empty,− turns back around with the worst case of liar face on his pretty lying face. His arms gesture vaguely, helplessly.

  


"Wha−what do you mean?"

  


Claudia, Camila and Carla are all smiling on various levels of secretiveness, Carla keeping a polite hand on her face to hide it, Claudia giving him the soft kind smile everyone is used to seeing from her, and Camila's wolfish grin must be a terrible sight to behold for poor nervous Usnavi.

  


Daniela stands, grabs herself another café if he won't serve it to her himself. Taking a sip, she pinches the fabric at his shoulder and he cries out. Such a sensitive little thing.

  


"You're dressed nice," she says. "Is that new cologne?"

  


He blinks.

  


"Oh, yes, he switched to it a couple weeks ago," Camila chimes in and how the boy glares, it would be infuriating if it wasn't so endearing. "The new one is better, Usnavi."

  


"And that hair," Daniela goes on, combing her fingers through it. She takes her hand out and looks at it. "You've put some hair gel."

  


"Oh, I told him to put the hair gel!" Carla says. "I always say, you need to have some hair gel. It just makes hair so much more fluffy and pretty."

  


"Pretty, yes," Daniela says, staring at Usnavi as she wipes her hand on a towel. "Pretty for whose sake?"

  


His tail between his legs, Usnavi goes back to sit by Abuela Claudia's chair in the living room, folding his hands so they don't shake, she thinks.

  


"I can… It's not like I… I mean, I take care of myself!"

  


"Yes, of course," Daniela nods, "But I can smell the scent of romance from miles away, mijo. It smells like new cologne."

  


There is no more prying info out of him. Suddenly standing up, he kisses Abuela Claudia goodnight and goes to his room. They all look at Daniela as soon as he's gone, shaking their heads and _tssk_ ing.

  


"Qué?" she asks, shrugging. "You know it's true."

  


"Maybe he _is_ doing this for himself…" Carla says.

  


Camila knits a few more stitches, ending her row, and turns it around before replying.

  


"I don't think it is just for him," she says quietly, hoping not to be overheard from Usnavi's room.

  


"Ah, yes, insider's information," Daniela gives her that wolfish grin she's perfected over the years. "Camila, you are a godsend."

  


Camila rolls her eyes but answers all the same.

  


"I have noticed him idling by the self improvement aisle…"

  


Carla _aww_ s but this gives Daniela pause. So this is getting really serious… Of course, it was never out of the possibilities she envisioned, but she has to admit that she thought he might have been having a fling of some sort, but this? Shutting himself off and being seen reading books to work on himself? What is the boy even playing at? If only life was easier and everyone would come and tell her about their romantic endeavors. It's certainly what Carla does, bless her.

  


"You're _sure_ it's not Nina?" Carla asks.

  


"Carajo, we've been over this," Daniela chides her. "Let's not dig out roadkills from the ditches."

  


Carla pouts but gets back to her scarf. It's a bulky yellow one, Daniela sees, and she thinks she might just know whose tall and attractive young baker might be the recipient of that gift. If only all employees were like Benny, she thinks, and all young men as well. Benny wears his honest smile on his face at all times and, unlike a certain grumpy girl, seems to enjoy Daniela's presence and leadership. Vanessa would need a whole lot of his motivation and good cheer, and Usnavi would need his honesty and openness. Benny would never hide something like this.

  


"The ladies at church were talking about it too," Claudia admits. "He didn't like it and hasn't gone to mass the past two Sundays. I think it best to keep Usnavi out of those discussions, Daniela."

  


"You know me," Daniela says emphatically. "I never meddle into anybody's business."

  


That is, until the business comes meddling right into her face. Daniela cannot pretend that she had any intention to stop her investigation, not in the least. She was, however, not planning on the evidence jumping to her face the very next day. Her one morning off in the week, Daniela spent making a list of potentials to this Usnavi mystery, but the second she arrives at the bakery through the back door in the kitchens and sees what's happening in the distance, she knows that her list has been for naught and that the culprit was in front of her eyes the whole time.

  


"No me diga…" She whispers.

  


Benny is busy restocking the aisles, huge trays of breads and cakes in his arms. Carla is at her cooking station, earbuds under her curls, dancing and humming to herself while she finishes the icing to some new marvelous creation. They haven't noticed her walk in from behind the shop, the entrance nearer to her home which she often takes for sake of efficiency. And in the shop side of the building, she has certainly not been seen by her couple of little culprits.

  


Daniela may not be so tuned herself, having never been in a romantic relationship and well intending to never do so, but she knows flirting when she sees it, even from this far. The boy is hunched over the counter, a slow hour of the day. He's nibbling on some cookie that they keep by the counter, usually to tempt little kids, but he must have bought it to spend more time by their lovely cashier, she supposes. Leaning towards him, she's whispering and smiling and twirling her hair in her finger like a proper fool. Daniela cannot believe the truth has been hiding right under her nose this entire time.

  


They are the least subtle lovers the world might have seen. She stares at them, stuck there in place for minutes, who knows exactly, and the whole time, neither of them seem to notice her or even anything at all happening around them. When, by some miracle, the boy decides to leave, Vanessa gestures him back close to her to mutter something in his ear that leaves poor Usnavi blushing like a maiden. He leaves with his bag of fresh pastry in front of him.

  


"Well, I never," she says and Carla, blessed Carla only now notices her.

  


She takes the earbuds out of her ears and grins.

  


"Oh, there you are! Slept well?"

  


"Of course," she says, "I dreamt of little liars and the dream has come true. Carlita, why didn't you tell me Vanessa was hiding behind this the whole time?"

  


Carla's brow knit in confusion. She puts a finishing touch to the cake, ironically heart-shaped.

  


"What do you mean?"

  


Daniela grabs her arm and gestures towards the shop, where Vanessa is waving at Usnavi through the window, leaning on an elbow on the counter long after the boy is gone.

  


" _This_ is what I mean!"

  


Carla looks and thinks and thinks some more until her mouth purses into an O shape and she gasps.

  


"Vanessa and Usnavi!"

  


"Finally!" Daniela exclaims.

  


"That is adorable!" Carla smiles. "Oh, wait till I talk to her…"

  


Daniela stops Carla right in her tracks.

  


"You," she demands, "are not going to say a thing. They can't know that we know."

  


Carla frowns.

  


"Why is that?"

  


"Because I have a plan," Daniela says. "And the best laid plans are made in secret."

 


	23. Suspicion

There aren't too many things that Benny is afraid of. Deadly diseases, maybe, snakes, accidents, not anything directly relevant in his daily personal life. But that morning, one of the rare days off for Vanessa, Benny feels as close to terrified as he's ever been when Daniela sashays towards him in that manner of hers. Her hand clutches on his shoulder like a vice and she looks at him like he will not leave this kitchen unless he gives her everything she needs. He gulps, puts on his happy face.

  


"What's up, boss?"

  


She likes the name, he knows, feels flattered by it and if there is one tip to survive working at Daniela's bakery, it's learning how to stroke her ego. Vanessa has yet to assimilate that advice and there she is, constantly bickering with their employer. Benny would much rather their relationship goes as smoothly as possible. Best give her exactly what she wants.

  


"Tell me something I don't know," she sing-songs.

  


Benny stares at her. _Way to be specific._

  


"What do you mean?"

  


"I mean there is romance in the air," Daniela says. "And I'm sure you can tell me more."

  


Why is it, Benny thinks, that Usnavi had to get himself a secret girl at the same time as Benny's blooming relationship with Nina? It's just not fair. There is no way to tell which Daniela means.

  


"I can?" He cocks an eyebrow.

  


"You can," she says, "and you will. Benny, you know I would never mean to harm Vanessa."

  


Oh, so _this_ is what this is about. He thinks back about Usnavi's confession of love, how scared he was that Vanessa is not into him, but then about Vanessa's giggles and smiles around Usnavi that are quite frankly so alien he has to have seen it to believe it. And he thinks about his promise to Vanessa…

  


"I don't know what you mean," he replies and tries to go work in the other side of the shop, clean up a bit before opening or something, but Daniela is not so easily lost. Grabbing his arm, she pulls him back into the kitchens.

  


"How long has it been going on? And why didn't she tell me?" He tries to avoid her gaze but her perfectly manicured fingers hold his jaw in place to stare into his eyes. "You know you can trust me."

  


Benny has always been an honest guy. That was his downfall as a kid. He'd always get a whooping when his momma found the cookie jar empty because there was no lying to her, not even to save his own ass. So to save Usnavi's and Vanessa's…

  


"I can't tell you anything you don't already know," he says and feels the shame of betrayal in his gut.

  


Daniela has never looked quite so proud or happy. Letting him go, she leans her elbows back on her kitchen station in a confident yet casual pose.

  


"So it is _not_ just my wandering eyes," she says. "It's the truth. Little love birds right under our noses."

  


He doesn't reply, but then his lack of denial is a reply in and of itself, unfortunately. He suddenly feels the urge to do something, anything to avoid thinking about this conversation. It's too early for the second batch of bread and the first one is already on the shelves. Maybe dishes to wash? He looks around helplessly. Just the day Vanessa is out, of course, he has to get himself caught like that. If only she'd been here, Daniela never would have dared to ask him so openly.

  


"Can you be nice to them?" He asks, at least. "They're not into this whole public thing and I think…"

  


"When am I ever not nice?" Daniela snaps with authority. "Did Vanessa say something?"

  


God knows Benny is not privy to Vanessa's deepest held opinions, but it doesn't take him being a close intimate friend to complain about Daniela and Vanessa does quite a bit of that at any given time of the day. Sometimes, he wonders how two women who can be so similar in their assertiveness and confidence can also be so incredibly different and at odds when it comes to interacting like normal human beings.

  


"She didn't," he lies, but sweetens the deal with a bit of truth. "Usnavi's my best friend, he tells me things."

  


"Does he, now?"

  


She stares at him with interest and Benny knows she's expecting him to say more, but he is resolved to at least not betray them this much. Eventually, Daniela gets the message and shrugs.

  


"Well, if you refuse to be interested in a back and forth…"

  


_Cleaning_ , he thinks, there is one thing he can do to make himself useful in this kitchen and it's cleaning. Getting the bucket, he throws some detergent into it, ready to fill it with hot water and clean every surface he can see, starting with all counters.

  


"I have a plan, anyways," she finally says faced with his silence.

  


That gets his attention. He hasn't really been at the center of Daniela's plans so far, bless God, but he's heard rumors…

  


"What? What are you gonna do?" He asks, more flustered than he should.

  


"I thought you weren't interested," she smirks, her perfect fingernails tapping sharply on the counter top.

  


Benny pushes her hand, cleaning the surface underneath from leftover flour he could spot, and she puts it back as soon as he's done.

  


"I never said that," he notes. "Daniela, don't be… disrespectful."

  


She presses a hand on her heart in fake shock.

  


"Bueno, if that is how people see me, I might as well hide my face forever!" More seriously, she adds. "I only want to tease them a little."

  


How unfortunate, in a way, that he finds himself completely unable to judge if Daniela's measurement of teasing is in any way acceptable to Usnavi or Vanessa, or if even her lowest setting is out of bonds for them.

  


"You'll tell Nina to keep an eye out as well," she eventually concludes. "If anyone is well placed to get them to confess, it's her. You still talk to Nina, I suppose?"

  


Benny wants to laugh. _Talk_. That's one way of putting it.

  


"Yes," he replies, doing his damn best to keep his voice completely in check. "Yes, we talk sometimes."

  


"Let her know, then," she says and gets ready to leave him to his cleaning as Carla most likely needs help in the front store, "that Hurricane Daniela is coming."

  


That night, Benny visits Nina's apartment, or at the very least her bedroom. She's still red in the face and breathing heavy under his hands when he tells her. He was planning on telling her first things, but then Nina's kisses and her hands… He was lost in the feeling before he could realize he had a piece to say. Well, it's never too late, although he knows immediately that the moment was badly chosen.

  


"Hurricane Daniela?" She repeats quizzically, until realization comes. "Oh God, does she _know_?"

  


He takes her hand, interlaces their fingers, and pulls her close. She gives herself to the embrace like she's been touch-depraved for the longest time, even though they've just made love and she _really_ isn't. Nina always craves and needs physical touch whenever she's stressed out. Benny is all too happy to provide, especially when he ruined the afterglow with talks of his boss.

  


"Not about us," he replies. "I didn't say anything about us."

  


She huffs.

  


"Well, at least that's that."

  


"Yeah, she doesn't know _about_ _us_ …"

  


Nina knows what he means, of course, always does. She pushes on his shoulder, looking into his face for confirmation and finds it.

  


"Oh, Van's not gonna like that…"

  


He nods, humming.

  


"Mm-huh. And neither is Usnavi, I think."

  


"Of course not! He's… sensitive, and doesn't need any of that drama. Oh, Benny, tell me she's not gonna do anything!"

  


He wishes he could. That has got to be another big difference between working at Rosario's and at Daniela's. Of course, Kevin never thought much of him and Daniela obviously thinks the world of her employees, but then it means that she'll do her darndest to be involved in their personal life by any way possible, even when she doesn't belong. He is at least grateful that Vanessa and Usnavi have fallen to her scheming rather than him and Nina, who seem to have passed below her radar, but it doesn't make it any more pleasant. There is a balance to be found between not caring and caring to the extreme, past the intrusive point.

  


"She is," he admits and Nina groans in displeasure.

  


"Oh, I have to… I don't know… talk to Vanessa? And Usnavi, he has to know we know too!"

  


"Well, they already know I know,," he says. "So there is that. If we work in tandem…"

  


She nods, grabbing onto his arms − she likes his arms, he's noticed, and he always feels flattered by the attention. It's true that he works out a lot. He would have flexed them more when they still worked together if he'd known.

  


"Then it's settled," Nina says gravely. "I have to tell Usnavi and Vanessa I know they've been dating."

 


	24. Vanessa and Nina's Secrets

"Sneak-kiss attack!"

 

Vanessa giggles, pretending to push on Usnavi's shoulders to get him off, but secretly relishing in the way he kisses her all over, her neck, her breasts, up to her face and lips. He's a master of the sneaky kisses, one second they're at his room's door undressing, the next he's pushed her down onto his bed with a swirl of kisses and she never even saw him coming. She laughs and takes it, combing fingers through his hair.

 

"You're a little horny thing," she tells him off. "Door isn't even locked."

 

"We're all alone for three hours," he tells her boobs. "Ain't nobody gonna find us here."

 

How easy it is, she thinks, to lead a double life and have nobody know it. Oh, there was that slip with Benny, but what danger could anyone ever see in Benny? The guy is basically a teddy bear with terrific arm muscles and a nice smile. Vanessa understands why Nina might crush on that, but as far as posing a threat to her and Usnavi's fuck buddy situation, he is harmless, she's sure.

 

"We can do whatever we want," she says, more to herself than to Usnavi, but he nods all the same.

 

"We can do whatever we want."

 

And they do, of course they do, because no one is stopping Vanessa, not in this. She's no saint, but there is zero harm in keeping a boy on the side to please her every few days − or more often, if she has to be honest with herself. They've seen quite a bit of each other the past few months, more and more every week. It's even getting risky, being just a tad too incautious in Vanessa's living room rather than stick to her room, making their arrangements by meeting up in public instead of texting, just for the pleasure of seeing his cute face. She never lets him come when Daniela is supposed to be at the shop or Nina at home but she knows she's toying a dangerous line.

 

The truth is that she's grown very fond of Usnavi. It all started that damned day at the bookstore when she saw him read to bunches of kids. She never should have gone, she sometimes tells herself, because ever since then, something just comes over her sometimes and there's been a tight feeling at her chest whenever Usnavi smiles to her and she wants to hold his hands more often than before. She hates that, but not really, because Usnavi always complies to those desires and holds her and makes her feel like he's never going to abandon her. He makes her feel special, not realizing how special she finds him.

 

"D'you think we could ever…" She starts asking after their first round but loses her words as soon as he wraps an arm around her.

 

Usnavi is laying flat on the bed like a snow angel, Vanessa nestling into his side after she rolled off him. He still looks blown away and it's her turn to steal a kiss from him to grab his attention. He smiles at her that stupid grin he gets every time they've fucked that she likes so much.

 

"What is it?"

 

"You think some day you could like, come to my place and, I dunno…"

 

"I come to your place all the time," he says, his palms at her hips holding her closer.

 

"Like watch a movie or something?"

 

She hides her frown into his chest.  _You're stupid_.  _This sounded stupid_.

 

"Like…" His voice drops to a shushed whisper. "Like  _porn_  or something? I don't know about that, I mean, Nina says it's degrading to wom…"

 

All things considered, they're  _both_  stupid, she corrects herself. She cuts him because she has no desire to know what Nina might be saying right now.

 

"Like The Lord of the Rings, or whatever it is that you like to watch,  _oh my god_."

 

"Oh…" He says sheepishly and she's not sure she wants to look at his face, if maybe she's asking for something he doesn't have any interest for. "Yes, yes I'd love that!"

 

Her shoulders sag in relief and she dares to meet his eyes. She finds them full of excitement, his smile brighter than the sun, a mouth that she can't resist kissing again − and again and again.

 

Goodbyes are always the hardest part. They linger at the door for so much longer than Vanessa would have thought she'd spend, back months ago when she knew nothing, but now she never wants to leave Usnavi.

 

"I wish you'd stay," he tells her between kisses right in the hallway because it's not like Daniela is going to materialize out of thin air here. "I never want you to go."

 

"Tomorrow," she replies. "Tomorrow, come to my place."

 

They can barely wait more than that nowadays, she thinks as she makes her way back home. Already she wants to call him and maybe have phone sex or something tonight, feel his presence one way or another. She might grab her phone as soon as she's in bed. It's not like Nina's bedroom in the apartment is a risk, not for naughty calls: there is the whole living room and the kitchen between their two rooms and they've done it before. She opens the door to the apartment, finds the living room dark already. She smiles to herself, maybe a bit teasingly. Nina must have gone to bed already, the nerd that she is. Pepper trots up to her to rub against Vanessa's legs, welcome her home. Vanessa crouches to pet him and scratch him under the chin, gives him a few kisses before going to her room. She startles as soon as she opens the door.

 

"Jesus Christ, Nina, what the fuck are you doing here?!"

 

Vanessa clutches her racing heart as Nina smirks, proud of her little effect, swirling around when Vanessa enters the room. She gets up from Vanessa's desk chair, all the theatrical staging having done its purpose − if its purpose was to give Vanessa a heart attack. Even the lightning was staged, the ceiling light off, Vanessa's desk lamp the only light in the room behind Nina, a gloomy vibe.

 

"I would have gotten the cat on my lap," she says. "But he wouldn't let me."

 

She shows her the fresh scratches on her arm to prove it.

 

"Good boy," Vanessa mutters under her breath. Louder, she replies. "What's up, Nina? Why are you going all Godfather on my ass?"

 

Nina produces something from between her fingers like a magician and hands it to Vanessa like it's going to cure cancer or something equally as grand. Vanessa grabs it with a lot more bad mood than needed, but it only gets a lot worse when she sees what it was that Nina gave her.  _Shit_.

 

"I think you have some explaining to do," Nina says.

 

Vanessa feels her chest tighten. Turning around, she throws the condom wrapper towards Nina over her shoulder and pulls off her shirt, rummaging through her closet to find her pajamas. An excellent excuse to not having to face her and betray herself.

 

"What do you want me to explain? You know how dicks work, right? They shoot sperm at the end if you've done the job right…"

 

" _I know that_ ," Nina sighs exasperatedly and Vanessa laughs as she puts her thickest sweater on over her pajama top. Wishes she had Usnavi wrapped around her to sleep. He's always hot and Vanessa could never abide the cold. "Look, Van, I  _know_."

 

Vanessa pauses for a split second before putting on her pajama bottom as well − she knows Nina doesn't like it when she takes this much liberty with her body in front of her and even without looking she knows she's probably huffing and averting her gaze modestly. Her own damn fault for intruding on Vanessa's space.

 

"What are you talking about?"

 

When she turns back around and goes to sit on her bed, Nina joins her, taking her hand gently, like Vanessa is a baby dove that needs to be protected.

 

"You can tell me  _everything_ …"

 

"You say that, and then you get squeamish when I tell you about…"

 

"How long have you and Usnavi been sleeping together?" Nina cuts her.

 

"What?!" Vanessa screeches, shoving Nina's hand away. "That's disgusting and wrong and…" Nina cocks an eyebrow at her and Vanessa hates everything about her stupid face right now. "I don't even know who Usnavi is! I bet he's gross and I wouldn't wanna bang him and honestly, how do I know that this condom is not yours, huh?"

 

"I wouldn't have sex with some dude and drop the condom in  _your_  room, smarty pants!"

 

"It was in my room?! What the hell were you doing in my room! Why are you still here!"

 

"Checking if you were sleeping with Usnavi, which you obviously are!"

 

Vanessa suddenly can't stand to be still and starts pacing around the room.  _Caught like a rat. There's no escaping this cage of lies_.

 

"It's not mine, and it's not Usnavi's, and frankly this has got to be yours, I know you've been into Benny this whole time!" Nina's eyes bulge and Vanessa loves to believe that she's got her. "This is Benny's and you're just dumping it into my room to plant false evidence, there is nothing between me and Usnavi, ever, check and mate!"

 

Nina's gaze is filled with heat. She's always loved to win an argument, for any reason, and Vanessa is hopelessly grabbing at every rope to prevent her to. Nina snaps back her answer immediately.

 

"Well,  _Benny uses magnum size_ , so…"  Vanessa pauses and wants to forget about the accusations, raises an eyebrow, her arms crossed. Nina's cheeks get pink with the realization of her confession. "Nevermind that…"

 

"Oh, I'm sure  _you_  don't mind," Vanessa replies, sitting back on the bed and pulling Nina into a hug. "God, you've finally done it. I was hoping you would."

 

Nina squirms but Vanessa holds her all the tighter.

 

"Stop it, it wasn't like… I'm still certain you're doing Usnavi! This is irrelevant!"

 

Vanessa sighs and drops on the bed, lying there motionless. She's still holding Nina but she has stopped trying to escape her embrace and instead cuddles into her, her hair a dark cloud against Vanessa's face. Vanessa plays with a curl, makes it twirl between her fingers before speaking.

 

"Look," she says. "Maybe we are doing it. It doesn't matter. It's nobody's business."

 

Nina gasps and sits up to have a look at her and Vanessa only has to see the beam across her face to advert her eyes. She doesn't like this kind of attention, not from friends, not even Nina.

 

"Van! Of course it matters, you're my best friends! I can't believe you've been secret dating under our noses this whole time… When did it even start?"

 

 _We're not dating_ , Vanessa thinks.  _I don't know what we're doing._

 

"Oh, erm, about that… You know that time you were mad at me for like a week cause I didn't stupid helped you get Benny a stupid job?"

 

Nina's eyes go wide.

 

"Oh my god, that's  _months_  ago! And Usnavi said he was sick in bed…"

 

"Well, he  _was_  in bed."

 

Nina pushes her arm, pretending to be mad but she's grinning like never before.

 

"Look at us," she says, gesturing. "Each of us with a secret boyfriend now, oh I can't wait till I'm able to tell my dad…"

 

 _Oh_. So this is why Vanessa hasn't been privy to Nina's Benny adventures.

 

"Well, I  _can_  wait till Daniela knows. Ideally never, ever. Don't tell her."

 

Nina rolls her eyes and Vanessa hates not to be taken seriously, but she lets it slide just this once, so excited she is about Nina finally getting the sex life she always deserved. There's probably a rule about being best friends that you must always wish the best to your bestie's bits, she thinks. If there isn't, then that's just her personal motto.

 

"Does this mean we're gonna have to like, schedule who gets to be sexiled from the apartment now? Cause like, I asked Usnavi to come over tomorrow, so…"

 

Nina buries her face in her hands.

 

"I regret knowing already."

 

"I mean, you could be across the living room and just all doors shut but I think you…"

 

Nina stands up abruptly, shoving a pillow onto Vanessa's face on her way out.

 

"I'll be gone! I'm gone right now!"

 

"I'm just saying, maybe you should text that lover boy of yours to…"

 

"Gone! I can't hear!"

 

Vanessa still hears Nina's giggles as soon as her room's door slams shut.

 


	25. Christmas Eve at the Rosarios

Ever since she was a kid, Nina has always loved decking the Christmas tree. Even this year, even in a state of semi-conflict with her dad, she's still found an afternoon to sneak into her parents' home with her mom and decorate the whole room. Tonight, now that Christmas Eve has finally come, it paid off marvelously. It's hours into their Christmas meal and Usnavi is still blown away.

  


"I really like what you've done with the lights!"

  


They're doing the dishes in the kitchen while the adults relax and talk in the dining room. It's their duty as the younger ones, Camila says, and Nina accepts that like a good daughter but it helps that she is also glad for it. With all that's happened, she has treated her job more like an unemotional project field and less like the cozy family place it used to represent and she hasn't talked to Usnavi much in a while. Especially with the secret he's been hiding, she's been craving a good long conversation. They're almost done with the dishes and she's still trying to get him to talk about Vanessa. Damn her for being so people pleasing sometimes. She refuses to sneak the topic on him like she's done with Van, because Vanessa is Vanessa and Usnavi is Usnavi, but Usnavi is certainly not breaching it on his own.

  


"Thanks," she smiles. "Mom helped with the baubles but I asked to do the lights."

  


All around the dining room and the living room, fairy lights that she managed to hook around the pictures on the walls to look like a mountain landscape. She's not not-proud of herself. Add to that the humongous tree that her dad always insists on buying and her childhood home looks like a winter wonderland.

  


"It just make you so gleeful, you know? And safe. I… I like that."

  


She washes the dishes and he wipes them dry and sets them aside so they can put it back in their rightful place later together. Always how it was. Sometimes, she can still see the little boy he was with his big eyes and longer hair. He hasn't changed all that much. She used to wonder why he hated Christmas. It has passed now, the nostalgia stronger than the grief.

  


"What else _makes_ you happy, Usnavi?" She asks.

  


Another silly attempt at prying the truth out of him, but she has no illusion that it will be as helpless as the previous ones. If Usnavi has Vanessa on his mind as often as the reverse is true, then he hides it much deeper than Nina thought him capable of. Still, the question gives him pause. Just as she was wondering if finally, she would get a confession out of him, Usnavi hits her with another truth she never thought she needed.

  


"Making my parents proud," he replies.

  


Something twists inside her stomach and suddenly, she's not feeling quite as playful as she was a second ago. Of course, he would think about that in December. Suddenly, her mind whispers to her that this month marked the twelfth year since Usnavi lost his parents just a few days after he turned twelve. It's now been a longer time without their guidance than with it. Although he loves company and has never been without friends, Usnavi can be very private and she realizes that it's been years since the last time she even heard him talk about them. Of course they'd be on his mind more than ever on Christmas Eve, surrounded by the family he has left. She puts a hand on his shoulder and he leans into the touch, giving her a sad smile.

  


"Do you… Do you think they are? Proud of you?" She asks and realizes how terrible an alternative the negative is. "Wait, don't answer that, of course they would be."

  


"Well, they'd be prouder of you." His smile gets less nostalgic. " _You're_ gonna change the world. I'm just sittin' back and watchin'."

  


"That's not true!" She cries out. "Usnavi, you're doing very well for yourself."

  


He gives a half-hearted shrug, his hands gesturing vaguely.

  


"You got your projects and stuff and I just, you know… All I want is…"

  


She feels guilty about almost getting that confession out of him now. Somehow, after an emotional moment, it would feel unearned on her part.

  


"I think you have nothing to be ashamed of," she says. "You're doing just as well as I am."

  


"I try," he admits. "Everything I do, I just try to do good and honor my mom and dad's memory and make people happy."

  


She looks at him, how sorry he looks, how self-conscious, and she can't help pressing a kiss on his forehead.

  


"You're doing just that."

  


How nonsensical that a boy orphaned at twelve is more devoted to his parents and a better son than she is a daughter to her very much alive parents? Nina has always thought that the only way to get through this situation with her father, him distrusting Benny and her mother being half-hearted either way, would be to win them over, to be the only victor in this war of words and silences. Maybe if she tried to just do good and make people happy… And honor her mom and dad, then.

  


"Nina?" Usnavi asks and she realizes she's been away in her thoughts for a while

  


She shakes her head, handing him the next plate to rinse and dry.

  


"I'm fine," she says. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

  


He shuffles on his feet happily, never good at taking compliments, but she knows she's touched him nonetheless.

  


"Bueno, we were waiting for you for dessert," her mom exclaims when they get back to the table. "What took you so long? There's arroz con dulce and tembleque. Nina, serve this to your father."

  


She hands Nina a large bowl of tembleque, which Nina passes just one seat over to her dad. She gives him a big smile and she swears Kevin almost startles at the sight.

  


"Th-thank you…"

  


"No problem, Dad," she replies.

  


She can think of many problems, of course. What about Benny? She can't maintain this secret for much longer. Vanessa already knows, anyways, and she was going to tell Usnavi if they managed to talk about it. She'll have to tell her parents, to be a good and honest daughter. Aside from all the romance, what about the shop? It's struggling but she has her project idea that Benny found so smart. Her dad was a tad less ecstatic about that, probably because of her suggested cooperation with Daniela's Baked Goods, but her mom was very proud of her and said it might just work. And maybe then she can restore balance and get Benny back on the team…

  


"I was thinking," she tells him softly, Usnavi already chatting with Abuela Claudia and Camila piping herself in, "About the reading afternoons for kids I want to organize at the shop."

  


Kevin looks at her with a depth she's not ready to face or to understand.

  


"Yes?"

  


"Do you think we could invite friends over? Carla loves little children and… and Daniela is good at keeping order, and Benny…"

  


She feels him toughen up instantly, his face turning much colder and closed off. He takes another spoonful of his pudding.

  


"I don't know about that, Nina…"

  


She looks at Usnavi, so at ease he is in the company of older women, like the good little boy inside of him never really grew up and he's still the quiet child who was so polite and reverent. She wonders what happened to the good little girl she was.

  


"Please," she tells him. "I think it could be a good time."

  


He sighs, his bowl finished already and he leans over to get himself another portion under Camila's insistent eye. She's always half-way between chiding him for indulging in so many sweet things, because what about his heart, and praising him for truly appreciating her cooking, no matter how plump he's getting.

  


"Muñeca, it's Christmas," he says, "And I don't want to say no. I'll think about it."

  


She nods. This might be as good as it gets tonight and she doesn't want any more confrontation than she's had already.

  


The night flies by, filled with aguinaldo and gentle words and winter lights. Abuela Claudia has fallen asleep in the armchair and Usnavi is loathe to wake her up but knows her back will hurt if she stays there. They only have to show her to the guest room, refusing to let them go back to their cold home on Christmas Eve, not when they have two perfectly usable twins down the hall. Even Nina stays, even though she knows that Vanessa will be wanting company soon enough, Christmas spent with just her mom a perfectly lonely deal. But that will have to wait for the next day.

  


Her childhood room is as it ever was, the Puerto Rico corner with all the pictures given mostly by Daniela, and the huge bookshelf that is near empty now, all her books making the move to her new place with her, a pile of toys that she never played with, always in her books, always in her thoughts, on her fire escape. Her mom has made her a nice crisp bed and she slides under the cover with one very specific person in mind, who hasn't left her thoughts since she talked with her dad.

  


"Hey," Benny's voice whispers, answering on the first ring.

  


It's ridiculous, really, how soothing his voice is, how calm she feels the very instant she hears him.

  


"Hey," she replies as low as she can because who knows whose ears are listening. "I hope I'm not bothering, I… I just wanted to hear you."

  


"Never," he says and she can almost hear his smile. "Did you have a nice evening?"

  


"Yes, I did," she says. "Mom cooked for a regimen. You?"

  


"Busy, Mom managed to find four reasons why baking is not the right career for her son, but aside from that…"

  


If it is the right career for him, Nina cannot say. If she takes Vanessa, she'd say that baking was absolutely the wrong career for her, or at least in that bakery with Dani as a boss, and yet she's been at it for a while and nothing points to her leaving any time soon. But then, Benny belongs with her at the bookshop, doesn't he?

  


"I miss you," she blurts out, her mind coming up with nothing much more interesting at that time of night.

  


"I miss you too," he says. "Tomorrow? I have a present for you…"

  


"Tomorrow, and I'll give you mine too."

  


They go to sleep with their phone in their hands, unable to find it in them to hang up on each other.

 


	26. Caught

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa and Usnavi get found out by the last one they expected.

"Your hands are magic," Vanessa tells him.

  


The naughty thoughts come to mind unbidden but Usnavi pushes them away. It wouldn't be appropriate. It wouldn't be polite, not when they've just finished and Vanessa declared that she was done for the night. She even put her top back on and she's just sitting there in her tiny tank top with Usnavi braiding her hair. He's never been too good at it, he knows. Nina used to complain whenever he tried to do her hair when they were little. But then, Nina's hair is big and bulkier than Vanessa's curtain of beauty. He feels like he could play with Vanessa's hair forever, if she'll let him.

  


"Are they?" He asks, holding up his hand for her to pass him the hair band so he can tie the braid he's just finished, matching the one on the other side. She looks so pretty he wonders why she doesn't wear her hair like this all the time, but then, the way she usually wears her hair down is also so gorgeous he gets a rush in the head every time he sees her. He supposes her beauty must be completely impeccable any way she chooses to do her hair.

  


She nods, pulling his arms around her from behind and lying down into his embrace. It's late already and he knows she's bond to leave at some point but he has no desire in him to boot her out. If he could, he'd let her stay here every hour of the day and they'd spend a whole year in bed and become so used to each other that their breaths would be one and the same and they'd know the color of each other's eyes so well they could paint a picture of it without looking.

  


Still. Vanessa usually prefers to be back home much earlier. He wonders whether Nina has been staying somewhere else tonight, if she's going out of town without telling him. It'd be weird, wouldn't it? He knows Nina, maybe not everything about her, but at least her common whereabouts as far as which city she's in. Vanessa, by any measure, should have left him there a long time ago to join her home, and yet she lingers in his arms. As if she could hear his thoughts (and sometimes Usnavi wonders if she can), she mutters.

  


"Nina knows. She won't be bothered if I come home late."

  


His blood runs cold. They had rules, he remembers, tacit or explicit. No telling Daniela was a big one and on that front, he thinks they're okay. He didn't tell anyone but Benny, but his best friend doesn't really count, because who doesn't tell that kind of things to their best friend? Apparently, even Vanessa did.

  


"How'd she know?"

  


Vanessa shrugs. With their position, it makes her arms rub against his and he feels that she is getting cold after so much time sitting around in just her tank top. He pulls the comforter over the both of them and feels her sigh contentedly.

  


"She found out, I guess. But she's okay with it."

  


Of course, Nina would be. That was never even a question in Usnavi's mind. In years and years of friendship, he doesn't think he's ever had one fight with Nina, not even a small one. It was torture to keep this from her.

  


"So she knows we're…"

  


"She knows we been hookin' up."

  


Of course, this is always the way Vanessa puts it. _Damn it._ Usnavi knows she never made him any promise. He's not expecting her to, but there is a marked difference between expectations and hopes. He has every right to _hope_ for more, to hope for Vanessa's heart and love and tenderness. God knows he wants to give her his own.

  


"Did she… What'd she say?"

  


Vanessa snorts, nestling back into him even further and he loves the weight of her between his arms. He kisses her shoulder, loves the way she shudders into his touch even more.

  


"You know her," she says. "She was pretty excited."

  


A relief he did not even know he needed comes over him all at once, almost heavy.

  


"Thank God!"

  


She stills for just a heartbeat, then pretends nothing is wrong but he knows by the way she taps against his arm that there must be something bothering her.

  


"Vanessa?"

  


"Is it really gonna be easy?" She asks and he finds himself completely lost. She goes on. "I mean, I guess that's Nina… She's nice and polite and cute…"

  


He smiles.

  


"Yeah she is," he says. "But, I mean…"

  


But Vanessa has found an outlet to avoid talking about whatever it was that she was feeling and she interrupts him.

  


"She's just so passionate, you know? She's pretty much perfect. Of course, we tell her, she's gonna be happy. She couldn't be anything else."

  


_Same with Benny_ , he thinks. _Benny is also so nice and polite and passionate_. But then, that would mean telling her that Benny knows and that he broke this promise and Usnavi wants none of that. Not anything that could make Vanessa despise him, or even think less of him for being a blabbermouth.

  


"Everyone is passionate about something," he settles for saying, because if she's going to change the subject, he's not going to bring it back to whatever awkwardness there was a minute ago. "I mean, I dunno if I am, but… I dunno, Benny loves working out and stuff. Carla loves baking."

  


"You love baking too," she points out and his heart flutters. He loves when Vanessa remembers things about him.

  


"What about you?"

  


There is a long pause and Vanessa buries her face into his shoulder, the rebellious loose hair of her braid tickling his naked arm.

  


"I'm passionate about y…"

  


The sound of the front door opening startles them both in the otherwise silence of the apartment. Vanessa stands up in less time than it takes Usnavi to even realize Abuela Claudia has come home.

  


" _Shit_ ," she spits out with as much panic as anger. "Shit, shit, shit. Fuck."

  


She rushes to collect her clothes from the floor, putting them back on at a record speed as Usnavi blinks and lets the situation pass him by, his hands shaking under the comforter, right where she used to be a short instant ago.

  


"Don't just sit there," she hisses, already back into her denim skirt and her tights that were so fun to peel away from her long, long legs. "C'mon!"

  


She throws his jeans at him, his shirt, his hat. Usnavi wrestles with them for a bit, his hands suddenly feeling double their size as he slowly stands up to get dressed.

  


"Mijo?" Abuela Claudia's voice calls out from the entrance hall. "Ya duermes tú?"

  


Vanessa dares to crack a sliver of the door open and the cat rushes in, jumping onto Usnavi's back and planting her claws there. He tries to bite back the cry of pain but then Dulces tries to climb onto his shoulder and he can't help himself.

  


"Shit, that hurts!"

  


"Language!" Abuela Claudia says and before either of them know it, the door to his bedroom opens completely and Vanessa and Claudia find themselves face to face.

  


For a few long seconds dragging on and on, it seems like neither of them are going to say anything. He supposes that Vanessa wouldn't. From where he is sitting, thankfully decently covered though not more than just that, covered to decency, he can't see her face but he is sure that his semi-state of undress tells Abuela Claudia everything even without Vanessa's look of… what would there be on her face? Guilt? Shame? Anger? He's not sure he wants to know.

  


"Well," Abuela finally says. "You should have told me you had company. I would have started a pot of coffee first thing back home."

  


"I was just gonna…" Vanessa starts but Abuela shakes her head and she never finishes that thought.

  


"Come, come," she asks and Usnavi has long learned to obey to everything Abuela Claudia says because she always means the best and she's never wrong, and if she is, then he's just not old enough to understand why she actually isn't. "I can't let you leave without a sandwichito. You look a bit thin."

  


Usnavi has had many awkward moments in his life, but he is not sure any of them measure up to sitting in this tiny kitchen with Vanessa at his right, Claudia at his left, and utter silence between all three of them. Claudia has produced them a PB and J each but neither of them has taken a bite yet and Usnavi asks himself if this is the last time he'll ever see Vanessa. Why, he laments, does Abuela Claudia have to be such a close friend to Daniela?

  


"If you're afraid that I'll tell Daniela…"She finally says and Usnavi sees Vanessa tense up, plain as day. "Then put those fears away. Please, eat something, both of you."

  


Still on the defensive, Vanessa eyes Claudia cautiously, then Usnavi and he feels completely unprepared for whatever her dark eyes contain. She gestures to him, just a nod, and he takes a bite. If only Claudia had come home just a little bit later…

  


"She can _never_ know," Vanessa insists. "Never, ever. She's gonna give me hell."

  


Claudia smiles her mysterious smile that contains all the wisdom and kindness in the world.

  


"And Usnavi as well, por supuesto," she admits. "I always tell her she's being too… insistent…"

  


Usnavi is sure Vanessa must have other words to describe her boss, but he's relieved to see that she keeps those words to herself for Abuela Claudia's sake and simply nods.

  


"Well," Claudia says softly. "Your secret is safe with me."

  


She smiles at the both of them and Usnavi has never loved her more than he does in this moment. He grabs her hand, stroking its back. Even Vanessa seems touched.

  


" _Thank you_ ," she breathes out, all defensiveness gone from her voice. She takes a sip of her coffee. "Oh, this is good!"

  


When she's gone, and it doesn't take long at all, the nervousness of her still all over her face, Claudia turns to him and, with another smile, shakes her head, _tssk_ ing. Usnavi has never felt like a naughtier child in his life, he who was never naughty as a boy.

  


"I won't say anything," she tells him reluctantly.

  


"A-About this to Daniela, or as in you won't judge?"

  


She looks at him, takes another sip of coffee.

  


"I won't say anything," she repeats.

  


_That is no kind of answer,_ he thinks. He's just about to go back to his room and think about what he's done when she calls him back.

  


"Usnavi!"

  


He turns around, tries to look presentable and decent and upstanding.

  


"She's a very nice girl," Claudia says. "I like her."

  


He sighs in relief, his shoulders sagging.

  


"Yeah," he says. "Yeah, I like her too."

 


	27. The Missed Accomplices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniela seeks the help of her beloved employees.

At closing time, like clockwork, their little grump of an employee packs her things and runs out the door as if the bakery was a burning building. Daniela watches her go through the window, that smile on her face that she doesn't bother to hide when she thinks no one is watching. It makes Daniela want to pinch Vanessa's cheek and tell her to be a good honest girl.

  


"Bueno, it's time to plan," she says, turning around to Benny and Carla who were chatting as they were putting away the leftovers of the day.

  


Carla perks up, a pretty smile on that pretty face.

  


"Yes," she says confidently. "I have a new special in mind for Día de los Tres Reyes Magos and I was thinking…"

  


" _Not that_ ," Daniela waves that plan away, but sees the pout on Carla's face. "We'll talk about that later, mi amor."

  


"What's this about?" Benny asks, his brow knitted in mistrust.

  


_Oh, but the boy has seen it coming. He knows_.

  


"Vanessa is sleeping with Usnavi," she says theatrically and Carla gasps. "You knew about this, Carla."

  


Carla unclutches her heart.

  


"I know, but the drama!"

  


Daniela rolls her eyes, but there is fondness to it. There always is, with Carlita.

  


"I thought you'd dropped this," Benny points out. "Since you did nothing…"

  


_He doesn't know me_ , she thinks. _Already a few months here, yet he doesn't know me at all_.

  


"I never drop anything," she says. "Okay, so what are we going to do to lure them out of their little love cave?"

  


Carla rubs her chin in reflection but Benny will have none of it.

  


"Sometimes you just hide who you're dating because it's no one's business," Benny says. "Sometimes it's just cause one of you is not ready to tell."

  


There's a frown on his face that Daniela cannot possibly attribute only to him being overprotective of his best friend. She scans her memories to pinpoint the few times Camila mentioned her husband's suspicions about Benny and… Well, well, _well_. How is it that her entire entourage deems unnecessary to tell her about such changes in their lives?

  


"Is it?" She asks. "Is there anyone else I should know about who…"

  


"So, about the plan?" He cuts her, visibly upset.

  


They stare at each other for a long while, everything about Benny's face begging her not to say anything, silently nodding towards Carla. _So this is another well guarded secret_. She makes a mental note to go find Nina to get her to spill the beans. She'd always imagined there might be something there, with Kevin's suspicions and the way Nina gave her everything to find Benny a new place of employment. But then, who is not ready to tell, and who is? But she's got a better target to hit first.

  


"Well, do you know that the best way to catch flies is with honey?"

  


"Oh, that's a myth," Carla pipes in, evidently happy to share her knowledge. "Vinegar actually works really well, sometimes with a bit of dish soap, my abuela always said that…"

  


" _It's a metaphor_."

  


Carla's face falls.

  


"Oh…"

  


Benny, whose suspicious eyes haven't left her, stops his cleaning up, mid-way through getting the trash bag out of its container.

  


"Why do you wanna catch them? And how?"

  


"I want them to be _honest_ ," Daniela insists.

  


"But they're gonna," he says. "They can't hide it their whole lives, they're gonna say it eventually, when they're ready. When it's time."

  


Daniela eyes him up and down. She wonders when the time will come for Nina and him to come out and expose themselves.

  


"So you won't help me pry it out of them? And I thought you were my friend…"

  


"I won't do it," he says resolutely. "I'm sorry, boss."

  


Launching the trash bag over his shoulder, he carries it out to the dumpster by the corner. Daniela shakes her head dismissively and stares at Carla in turn. Carla shuffles on her feet in all the awkwardness she can sometimes carry, even now.

  


"Oh, erm, I don't know about that, Dani…"

  


Daniela stares, hoping to make her change her mind but Carla avoids her eyes and Daniela is forced to raise her arms to the sky.

  


"Coño, I'll do it myself then!"

  


What she has done to work with two goody-two-shoes like this, she cannot say. Vanessa would understand, except that she cannot possibly know about this, not this one specific topic. Daniela shrugs and leaves them.

  


At Stitch & Bitch, she announces the update in the Vanessa and Usnavi situation as soon as they've settled together with a pot of coffee, Kevin Rosario holed up in his room reading for the night.

  


"It's confirmed," she says, putting down the shawl she's working on.

  


At the pace at which she's going, it'll be the next winter before it's finished. She can only blame herself for having so much to talk about, and so little time for actual knitting.

  


"What is?" Camila asks, diligently working on her scarf.

  


She often covers Kevin in warm woolen items that he dutifully wears when she's in sight. Daniela supposes it should be endearing, the way he accepts the presents even with such little intent to wearing them.

  


"I had it from the most certain source," Daniela says. "Vanessa and Usnavi are _definitely_ dating."

  


"What source? They told you?" Carla asks in surprise. "But I thought… You just told me tonight that…"

  


" _Benny_ is our most certain source," Daniela replies. "You know I trust the boy."

  


Camila frowns at that, but says nothing, her needles clicking and clicking. Claudia's eyes are on Daniela and she's not sure she likes the look of them, like Daniela is a bratty teenager and not a full grown woman with a penchant for harmless gossip.

  


"Well, don't react all at once…"

  


"Mija, you told us last time…" Claudia says and damn her if she doesn't shake her head like Daniela is a disobedient teenager. She's long past that age.

  


"Pero this time it's _for certain_ ," Daniela says, but her effect is lost.

  


The conversation goes on without her. Daniela never much liked not being the center of attention. This is why she surrounds herself with meek and quiet people − Vanessa aside. Still, even if Benny and Carla refused to help, Daniela is very much determined. She's always been. Back in elementary, she won the prize for most bossy pupil in first grade, and a couple years later most likely to become President. She's made sure to uphold that reputation over the years.

  


"How much risk," Daniela asks, pausing for effect, "is too much risk?"

  


Claudia tssks, shaking her head in disapproval already. Sometimes, Daniela thinks that sending Claudia into her life must have been some sort of fate, a way to bring to her all the wisdom she lacks for herself. Most of the time, she tells herself that even if it were so, she'd still ignore it.

  


"There is never enough risk," Camila says, unaware of the tacit disagreement between Daniela and Claudia. "When I was nineteen, Kevin showed up at my doorstep and told me he was taking me to New York. If you don't take risk, you're never going to change anything."

  


"Yeah!" Carla says. "Last week, I tried a very bold orange lipstick, and turned out? It was absolutely my color."

  


Daniela nods − that lipstick was adorable. She feels Claudia's judging eyes still on her and makes it her mission to avoid them, instead turning to her more mellow and compliant partners.

  


"Well then. I guess I'll have to go big or go home."

 


	28. A Moment with Daniela

Never say never, is how the saying goes. Nina never thought she'd see Daniela step a foot inside Rosario's Books, not if she can avoid, and yet here she is, her confident strut straight across the shop to plant her feet in front of Nina herself. She tosses her hair elegantly and puts a hand on Nina's shoulder.

  


"I need un momentito with you. We have to talk."

  


"Dani, if this is about Vanessa, I really don't want to…"

  


Daniela raises her hand to cup Nina's cheeks, stopping her in her tracks. She always had this innate sense of authority that Nina also knows in her mom. Sometimes, it's even in Vanessa, when Nina annoys her in any way. She wonders if she'll ever grow into it herself or if she passed that gene at birth. She still feels like a little girl whenever she speaks to Dani.

  


"This _could_ have been about your little roommate," Daniela says disdainfully, "But I'm told about another _much more_ interesting romance going on and…"

  


The way she looks at Nina… Her blood freezes.

  


"He told you?!" She cries out, already checking around her where the others might be. Her dad is nowhere in sight, thank God, probably in the backroom checking the inventory. Her mom is at the counter chatting with a regular customer. If she has heard anything, she's a master at hiding it. Not nearly as skilled at pretending is Usnavi, whose hands are shaking as he puts away the new books they receive on Tuesday mornings. Across the shop, he keeps his eyes down on his work but Nina knows better. "Can we just… Give me a minute."

  


Leaving Daniela and her smirk alone, Nina rushes to the counter, startling her mom.

  


"Can I take ten? Maybe fifteen? I'll work extra tonight to make it even if you want."

  


Camila's eyes bore into her, and she glances at Daniela behind her as well, and after way too long a wait, which must really only have been a few seconds, she nods.

  


"Don't be too long," she says. "We don't want Usnavi to drown himself in work."

  


They grab a coffee from the corner bodega and walk down to Bennett Park to have as private a chat as they can without Nina's family around.

  


"So," Nina says, "What gave us away?"

  


Daniela takes a slow long sip of coffee, basking in her little effect, before answering.

  


"Your little lover boy. Well, not little…" Nina snorts despite herself. "I tried to get his help to try and get the lovebirds to admit that they're a feather away from making a nest together, but as soon as I mentioned secret romance…"

  


Nina curses at herself internally. Just the last person she wanted to find out, or rather the second before last.

  


"Does my father…?"

  


Daniela shrugs, and Nina already starts to tense but seeing her panic, Dani ends the torture quite immediately.

  


"Mija, I don't know what's Vanessa has been telling you, but I am not a monster. Of course he doesn't know. And neither does anybody at the bakery, for that matter."

  


Nina chugs down the rest of her coffee cup in relief. It burns down her throat in the chilly air of winter and she feels her shiver running through her. She tucks her coat more snug, her scarf tighter. What a sight she must be, a sliver of her pink face between her beanie and her thick scarf.

  


"Vanessa knows," she mutters. "I told her the other day when Benny told me about your _plan_ …"

  


"What could he tell you? He refused to help."

  


"And so will I."

  


Daniela eyes her with what looks like fake disappointment, for she could never really be disappointed in Nina and she knows it. Waving her hand dismissively, she takes a sip of coffee, but finds her cup empty and stands to throw it away. When she sits back next to Nina, her restrained smile holds a much different sentiment.

  


"What a nice scarf and hat you have," she says knowingly. "And what a lovely boyfriend you have for having made them."

  


Nina's stomach gets fuzzy as soon as she hears the word boyfriend. She hasn't really used it herself, not yet. In the inside of her mind, however… But how much better it sounds when it comes from someone else's lips.

  


"Oh, hush, it's a Christmas present."

  


"Of course," Daniela nods. "He's been knitting at the back of the shop for weeks."

  


Somehow that's a sight Nina hadn't envisioned, giant Benny on a chair in a corner of the kitchen, waving his needles around, advancing on his secret present between two batches of bread. She imagines him with flour on his cheek and a satisfied smile at every finished row.

  


"I suppose anyways, that's one of the presents you got."

  


Nina looks at her.

  


"Well, there's been rumors that his baguette is terrific and incredibl…"

  


"Oh my god, Daniela, stop!" Nina cuts her, shoving a hand onto her mouth. She's almost scared that Daniela would bite it − God knows Vanessa always does − but instead she smirks. "That's nasty! There's kids around!"

  


"Well I'm not hearing you deny."

  


Nina eyes her with fake disdain, then huffs.

  


"You're lucky it's me," she says. "I hope you haven't been telling _him_ about those rumors."

  


"You know me," Daniela shrugs. "I never say anything inappropriate."

  


"Well, _neither do I_ ," Nina retorts. She pauses, tells herself the topic is closed. "Tell me more about that plan and whether I should stop you from meddling with my two best friends in the world."

  


"I just want them to cut the chase!" Daniela says, her hands raised in honesty, but Nina is not sure about that kind of bluntness. "You know they're hiding it, but by now, doesn't everybody know?"

  


Nina keeps a mental tally but she's not sure who Vanessa would include in the notion of _everybody_ , or even Usnavi, who is friends with every person who passes him by on the sidewalk.

  


"They'll say it eventually," she says resolutely. "They'll have to."

  


"I wouldn't be sure," Daniela replies. "You know Vanessa, she wouldn't tell me her name if I didn't need it for her contract…"

  


Nina snorts despite herself. Of course, Daniela exaggerates everything, she always does. It's the Daniela trademark. There is an inkling of truth, obviously, in that Vanessa is a private person, but then, Nina can't blame her for it. She's been hiding a secret of her own that she had no plan on revealing to Daniela of her own will before she's managed to get Rosario's Books back in the swell and Benny would be hired again. But then, Vanessa is not so averse to sharing any tiny detail for the sake of it. They've talked about their relationships a little since that day they both admitted to it. Nina refuses to know too much, of course, and nothing sexual if it pertains to Usnavi. But Vanessa has talked a little bit about how well she feels with Usnavi, half-tacitly admitted that there was most likely more to this than a mindless fling. It's not like she is a steel safe that can't be pried open. You just have to go at it with kindness and patience and sometimes, Nina doubts that Daniela owns either of those qualities in great amount. Sometimes.

  


"Oh, just don't torture them," she begs Daniela. "She works with you, but she lives with me and I'll suffer the angsty long baths if she's suffering."

  


Daniela smirks and seems about to tell her something, but Nina's phone vibrates in her pocket.

  


_please come back I think I messed your theme sorting and I'm scared to ask Camila_

  


She smiles, shaking her head with fondness.

  


"I have an Usnavi situation waiting for me," she says, standing up. "I'll see you around."

  


"Oh, trust me," Daniela replies, kissing her cheeks as they make their separate ways. "I will get that gossip out of you whether you want it or not."

  


And Nina has no doubt that she will.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you still want me to update this fic or if you've lost interest.


	29. Step One

Vanessa aside, Usnavi cannot say that he considers himself a very attractive man. Oh, of course, what an exception she is. When she holds him in her arms, Usnavi feels like a most dapper upstanding young man, the lion everyone wants, the king of the club. He feels like he could climb mountains and come back to rule by her side. But that is much more Vanessa's influence then an assurance born within himself, he knows, for he is just another boy from the barrio and is quite comfortable with that position. Anything more would be rather stressful.

  


"How stressed you look, cutie," Daniela tells him and that compliment is entirely too stressful to him.

  


Usnavi's blood is chilling. He tells himself that this is only normal, as fear is the only reaction he's ever had when talking with Daniela. But the way she holds his arm today, squeezing it in a way that feels almost like she is… The fear somehow feels more justified tonight, her behavior out of the usual bounds.

  


"Daniela's here!" He squeaks, the stress rising in him.

  


"Let her in, mijo," Abuela Claudia replies from the other room.

  


Daniela looks at him in a mix of… flirtation? Disappointment at being interrupted? Or is it something else? Usnavi thought he had quite enough with one woman he cannot decipher in his life. He doesn't want another. And Daniela looking at him like he's all that, her hand not dropping his arm, and as she eventually does to make her way into the living room, the way her fingers graze on his skin, not quite wanting to let go… It's not sure he likes that. In fact, he is even certain that he does not like it at all.

  


"Cariño, can you help with the coffee?"

  


Usnavi's hands are shaking. From behind Abuela Claudia, Daniela is looking at him and the glint in her eyes contains a heat he wasn't even sure could be there. Hadn't Nina said she was… He forgot how she said, arrow something, someone who never dates. And even if she could date anyone, he never would have thought that her choice would fall on… He shakes his head. _No_ , he thinks, _I must be wrong, I always am._

  


"Sí," he replies, and he is ever so glad to take a break in the kitchen, away from Daniela's eyes.

  


Even the gurgling of the coffee does not seem to help him calm down, a sound as natural as pages turning, as Nina's smiles, as Abuela Claudia's whispers. Could he possibly be reading the situation wrong? And even more frighteningly, could he be reading it _right_?

  


"Thank you," Daniela purrs as he hands her a cup. "Our Prince Charming. I hope you'll stay with us. There is room on the couch."

  


She pats the very narrow space next to her, much too little for someone to sit if that someone has any concern for personal space. Usnavi's heart beats like a drum and he thinks of Vanessa.

  


" _No thank you_ ," he replies tightly.

  


The disappointment in Daniela's eyes is clear, a pout at her lips he's never seen before. There's something wicked in her gaze, something he can't explain. He hurries back to the kitchen to get the box of biscuits and cookies, anything to get away from her.

  


"Usnavi," Abuela Claudia calls out from the living room. "Do you need any help?"

  


"I'm fine!" He replies, hoping his voice is not too squeaky. "I'm…  _Aargh!_ Daniela!"

  


He's barely turned around to fetch a plate from the cupboard that he finds himself face to face with the last person he is wanting to see in this apartment. _What is she doing? Why is she doing it now?_ Daniela gives him a coy smile he doesn't like one bit, leaning against the table, her arms back in a way that makes her chest perk up in her tight dress. He gulps. _Think of good things._ _Vanessa's hand in yours, Vanessa's smile when you say something dumb, Vanessa's arms around you_.

  


"Hey, you," she says, playing with her hair in a way she never does, controlled and powerful and frightening as she always is.

  


"I gotta bring those to the others," he mumbles and barely manages an escape to the living room.

  


A hand grabs him and he startles, letting out a high pitched gasp, but it's only Carla, thank God. He relaxes into her grasp.

  


"Usnavi, are you alright?"

  


He puts on a fake smile. In the corner of his eye, Daniela is sashaying towards them and he needs to be out of here before anything else happens, before this incomprehensible charade keeps going. Tearing his arm from Carla's hold, he manages to mutter the few words under his breath.

  


"YesI'mfinethanks," he takes a few steps backwards. "I'm… I'm going to bed."

  


"It's only seven…" Carla points out.

  


"I'm tired!"

  


The door to his room slams on his way in and he almost wants to pop back out and apologize for it, then close it normally, but then that would mean getting back in that hellish space dominated by Daniela, and Usnavi has had quite enough of her for the night.

  


He tells Vanessa about it as soon as he sees her the next day, before they even make it to his bed.

  


"I… I think Daniela was hitting on me?"

  


Vanessa stops in her tracks, dropping his shirt. She squints up her eyes, staring, as if deciding whether she wants to believe him or not.

  


"That's… odd. Are you sure you weren't reading the signs wrong?"

  


Usnavi thinks back on those moments, trying to think of them as something other than what he believes, trying to scan his past for any similar situation that was like yesterday's but that he deemed completely normal. He comes up with nothing at all. Never before has Daniela acted so upfront and flirty in a genuine way − nothing like her usual teasing.

  


"No, I definitely think she…"

  


Vanessa frowns, taking a foot of distance.

  


"What the fuck?! Did you…"

  


"I didn't do nothing! It was all her!"

  


She stands, pacing around the room. Her fists are clenching and Usnavi wishes he could just hold her hand and tell her to relax, but he is feeling quite anxious about the whole situation himself.

  


"You didn't _tell_ her, did you?"

  


He raises his hands in honesty.

  


"Never," he swears. "I never would."

  


"Too many people knowing," she mutters. "Too many people… We shouldn't have said anything to anyone…"

  


Usnavi squirms into place, burying himself back into his bed. He wants to forget about it all and think only of Vanessa, but the way she sits back on the edge of his bed tightly makes him think they won't be consoling each other from Daniela's weird behavior tonight.

  


"How many people is that, Benny and Carla," she marks them off her fingers. "And your abuela, and Nina… And now Daniela's hitting on you…"

  


Usnavi nods, not quite sure if Vanessa is leading anywhere with this. She sighs and there is all the frustration in the world hiding behind the sound. He sits up, cautiously trying to hold her hand but she snatches it back.

  


"We should have never told anyone," she says with finality. "We're not telling anyone else, ever."

  


"We don't even know if Daniela knows…" He says tentatively.

  


Vanessa eyes him up and down and he never used to feel exposed to her this way, but in this instant, he wishes he could hide himself away under the blankets and out of her piercing gaze.

  


"Daniela always knows," Vanessa retorts moodily. "She _always_ knows everything and she always comes back to bite me in the ass with it and…" She groans in frustration. "I _hate_ this!"

  


"I'm… I'm sorry…"

  


She glances at him and sighs and Usnavi sees how angry she actually is. It scares him a bit, makes him want to make himself little and irrelevant, because he feels he can't comfort her.

  


"No, it's fine," she mumbles.

  


Throughout the night, he sees how not fine it actually is. Vanessa barely replies to all his attempts to conversations, doesn't engage with him beyond letting him lay his head on her lap to comb through his hair and when the time comes for her to leave, he realizes that this is the first time they've ever seen each other without having sex. And also the first time he's ever felt such a distance between them. _If we lose the one thing that brought us together,_ he thinks, _then what do we have left?_

 


	30. Ultimate Idea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benny gets two visits at home, one of them expected.

So many years of friendship and still, Benny cannot explain why Usnavi would believe he could keep his feelings hidden even for a second. God knows he tries, the poor thing, but they are plain on his face for the world to see and Benny only has to offer a comforting arm around his shoulders for his confession to come.

  


"I'm sorry," he whimpers weakly, burying his face into Benny's side. "I'm dumb, I'm the dumbest."

  


He invited himself at Benny's all on his own, of course. Barged in under false pretenses of 'It's been so long!', nevermind that they still hang out every week like they used to when Benny still worked at Rosario's, nevermind that they saw each other three days ago. It's not like Benny's door is ever locked to him, but then, any minute now…

  


"Nothing new under the sun," Benny chuckles but at Usnavi's lack of response, he squeezes his shoulder affectionately. "C'mon, bud, you're not dumb at all, what's up?"

  


"Daniela knows," Usnavi admits. "Vanessa thinks so and she's mad at me for some reason and I… I can't lose her…"

  


Benny rubs Usnavi's arm up and down, trying to think. He thinks of Vanessa's face whenever Usnavi is mentioned around her and shakes his head.

  


"I'm sure she's not mad," he says. "What makes you think that?"

  


Usnavi looks up − sometimes, Benny marvels at how small Usnavi has remained ever for an adult man. Like the hint of youthfulness, sometimes immaturity, about him is maintaining him ever a good foot shorter than him.

  


"We-we didn't… _you know_ … We saw each other the other day and…"

  


_Ah._ That's the part where the boundaries of their friendship have always been drawn implicitly. Not that they have taboos about it, but there's just never been an interest on either part to be interested in the sex life of the other. _Probably even less now that you're seeing Nina,_ he tells himself, and it's not like he's craving to hear about Usnavi banging his coworker either, though he is fairly sure that he has, and often, and quite well, judging by her mood since this thing started.

  


"A relationship is not just sex," Benny says cautiously. "That's a good thing, right?"

  


"A _relationship_ ," Usnavi sighs."I still don't know if that's what this is."

  


"Well, there is one way to find that o…"

  


A knock at the door interrupts him − a secret knock Miss Nina Rosario has perfected the past few weeks. Benny smiles at Usnavi's instant panic.

  


"Who could that be?!"

  


Benny shrugs and gets up to open the door, not wanting to make her wait any longer than needed. She grins when she sees him and makes to wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him, but Benny grips her hips to still her. To her quizzical look, he cries out to behind him.

  


"See, Usnavi, it's just Nina!"

  


Nina's eyes widen and she blushes, but still enters Benny's apartment as he steps aside to let her in. She puts down some food containers on the coffee table, counting them on her fingers. Her face is all forlorn when she looks up from that tally.

  


"There's not enough for three," she sighs. "Do you have anything left in the fridge? Maybe we'll…"

  


Usnavi, who has been glancing between the two of them as if he couldn't quite believe his eyes, suddenly shakes his head and jumps to his feet.

  


"No, no," he says. "I'll be goin' then."

  


Nina smiles, taking his hand and patting it.

  


"Are you sure?"

  


Usnavi nods feverishly, already tearing himself from her grasp and grabbing his coat that he had left unceremoniously across the table − the tell-tale sign of his anguish to Benny, who is used to Usnavi never leaving anything where it doesn't belong and always hanging his coat neatly on the hanger by the door.

  


"I'll… I'm goin' now. Thanks, Benny."

  


After a rushed hug to both of them, Usnavi is out the door and it has barely closed on him that Nina snorts, dropping onto the couch, her legs tucked underneath her.

  


"What was that all about?" She asks.

  


Benny gives her a smile, graciously accepting the food container she hands him − by the look of it, it seems to be filled with leftovers from Camila Rosario and he won't miss that for the world.

  


"You know him, stressing out about anything," he chuckles. "I think he'll be fine."

  


Nina's smile turns more tense and she takes a big bite to hide that.

  


"Well, it's just as well that it's just the two of us…"

  


He quirks an eyebrow and she takes a big breath before putting down her barely touched food.

  


"I think it's time to reconcile you and my dad."

  


Benny stops eating − a damn shame to set aside this deliciousness which he thinks is homemade mofongo.

  


"You've said that…"

  


She grabs his arm, rubs it up and down as if to soothe him − since when is this how it goes?

  


"I'm sure we can make it work," she says, "And we can make him trust you again and…"

  


Benny grows quiet. He doesn't want a fight with Nina, he has never wanted that in his entire life, but there has been some latent concern of his on this matter and he's not sure if he should ever broach that subject. Every day passes marking one day more far from the bookshop and Benny is not certain that he is sharing Nina's urge to get him back in Kevin's good graces, not as a boss.

  


Could they effectively work on making him seem more likable to Kevin Rosario? Could this work, one way or another? Benny has always been one to see the glass half full and even in this, he knows that with Nina's social skills, not to mention her intelligence beyond human record if you ask him, they might find a way to make Kevin tolerate Benny again after whatever inexistent slight Benny caused him without knowing. It's much less a matter of ability than of will and Benny is simply not convinced that it would be for the best.

  


It's a heavy weight to be treated like an untrustworthy rascal just one offense away from being fired and although Kevin was always cordial, Benny never missed the distance between the two of them that was never there between Usnavi and that same man. If he worked at it, Benny could present himself quite over the top in his goodness, all smiles and curtsies and white shirts tucked in and fancy ties at work, but then… _It doesn't have to be this way_ , he thinks. Every morning, Benny arrives at the bakery with a grin at his lips and gets greeted with honest smiles and teasing remarks on his muscles (he's started wearing tank tops at work, it makes kneading easier and compliments flowing his way, both of which were the purpose of this new outfit), and he gets a kiss on the cheek from Daniela, a hug from Carla, a fistbump from Vanessa on her good days, and he's happy to spend the day at the bakery with them. He's happy to be trusted to new missions every week, to be treated like an accomplished new recruit, and more importantly like a trusted friend. Like he's a good person by default. It's a new feeling and he wants to get used to it.

  


"We could _try_ ," he mutters because if he has to choose between the option that makes Nina happy and the one that doesn't, his heart is inclined one way, no matter how irrational it seems to him.

  


"I think you should talk to him," Nina says, as if things were as simple as that. "Be upfront about it."

  


"Where's this coming from?" He frowns. "I thought you wanted to make business flow again so he'd need me to…"

  


She waves the thought away.

  


"That, too," she replies hurriedly. "But I think it's… it's time to settle this once and for all. And then, we'll let him and Mom know about us."

  


Benny wants to sigh. More than anything, he wants to be happy every day of his life. He wants Nina by his side for it, too.

  


"Alright," he eventually shrugs. "Sure, I'll talk to him. Once and for all."

 


	31. Benny's Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benny visits Rosario's Books for the first time since he was fired.

Nina tries not to let the overconfidence rush to her head, but as soon as she sees Benny's bulky silhouette through the glass windows of Rosario's Books, she knows the plan is only a matter of time anymore. In the corner, Usnavi is counting books and pretending not to fall asleep, and Nina has more than an inkling on what got him exhausted. Vanessa's door remained strictly closed the whole time Nina got ready for the morning. And soon enough, Vanessa and Usnavi will become the only ones keeping a secret.

  


"Benny!" She sighs contentedly as her boyfriend pushes the door open carefully.

  


She beams at him. This won't be easy, might not be anyways, but if Benny came, then at least this means the reconciliation can begin and soon enough, they'll be talking and eating together again and her parents can finally see how much Benny means to her. Which then means she can be perfectly upfront about the whole situation with everyone, and that is all that she desires. The world ought to know how much Benny and her love each other.

  


"Hey…" He replies, uncomfortably shifting from his feet when she embraces him, her face into his chest.

  


"It's all going to be perfect, I can feel it," she says excitedly, pulling onto his hand. "Dad! Dad, come, there is someone who wants to talk to you and…"

  


Benny gulps as soon as Kevin enters the main shop from the backroom where he'd been keeping inventory. Nina strokes his hand − it is quite a sight, after all, to see her boyfriend be scared of someone, or at least nervous about talking to him. But as soon as she turns to her father, she understands Benny's hesitation and her heart tightens in her chest. Still, she keeps up her good smile and invites both of them into the break room to have a chat maybe around a cup of coffee. Her mom is staring at them the whole way there but Nina shakes her head and Camila shrugs and gets back to her papers.

  


"Qué estás haciendo?" Her father barks at her as soon as the door is closed. "Mija, sabes bien que…"

  


"I've been learning Spanish," Benny cuts him, his voice timid and lacking all the warmth Nina knows him to have. "I… Nina's been teaching me. And Carla and Dani at the bakery. So…"

  


Nina takes a careful seat next to Benny. She hesitates about taking his hand in hers but settles for not doing so, not right now. Not with that face her father is pulling. For a second, she fears this whole situation might turn into a battle of staring on one side, glaring on the other, and she shoots up to try and do _something_ to change it.

  


"So, who wants coffee?" She asks, smiling at them.

  


Her father waves her away and Benny gives her a short head shake. Nina sighs.

  


"I'll make coffee."

  


The gurgling of the machine − a cheap one due to be replaced soon, but then, isn't everything in this bookshop on the verge of breaking down, including its employees? − is soothing to her ears in the otherwise utter silence and both of them avoid talking until she's shoved a cardboard cup of hot coffee into their hands. Her father takes a careful sip, winces and adds sugar. Benny puts down his cup before even drinking from it and leans forward.

  


"I have come to talk to you, Sir," he says with a lot of patience, a lot of respect, and Nina thinks this might be a good beginning, no matter how stubborn the both of them pretend to be. "Because Nina wanted this settled once and for all."

  


_You don't need to call him Sir_ , she thinks. _He was never Sir to you when you worked here, and you will work here again_. Her dad takes another sip of coffee, his eyes fixated on Benny, but says nothing.

  


"I have come to tell you that I won't be trying to impress you so you'll allow me to work here again."

  


Nina's mouth gapes open.

  


"What?!"

  


Benny raises a hand, asking her to let him talk, but her dad scoffs.

  


"What are you talking about, boy? I wasn't going to."

  


Nina's heart sinks in her chest. _No no no no no, this wasn't supposed to go this way, someone make it st…_

  


"Yes, Benny, what _are_ you talking about? You said…"

  


He looks at her and she sees all the hurt in his eyes, but he shakes his head.

  


"I've made up my mind. I… Sweetheart, I'm sorry, but I don't think this will _ever_ work. I don't think I want to make myself believe it will."

  


"Sweetheart?!" Kevin cries out, standing up and trying to loom over Benny − sitting down, Benny is still almost of a size with her father. "What's this, Nina?"

  


She bites her lip. _Crap_. Benny's eyes widen with the shock of his response to an innocent pet name and for a few seconds, none of them say a word. Cautiously, Nina takes a step towards Benny. Her father tries to shoot her down with a glare but she puts her hand on Benny's shoulder.

  


"This is why I wanted you to talk, Dad. I… Benny and I are together. We don't want to hide it, and I thought that if you knew, maybe you'd make up and hire him again and…"

  


"I don't wanna be hired back!" Benny retorts and Nina bites back the tears. "I'm… I'm my own man now and I don't want to…"

  


_This wasn't the plan. None of this is how it was supposed to go._

  


"I don't _want_ him back, and get your hand off him!" Her dad shouts and she fears they'll hear him in the other room.

  


The last thing she wants is for Usnavi and her mother to hear all of this. Whispering loudly, she replies.

  


"Dad, don't you think you're being…"

  


_"I_ ," he says, still much too loud, almost scaring her, " _am your father_ , and it's my duty to protect you from men like him, and…"

  


"To protect her from _men like me_?" Benny cries back and stands, but realizing how much of a height he has on Kevin, takes a step back. "What's that supposed to mean?!"

  


"Benny, don't…" She finds herself between the two of them, Benny's hurt plain on his face at her father's fury. "Dad, why are you like this?!"

  


" _Get out of my store!_ And keep your hands off my daughter! Nina, if you think you'll get away with this… We should never have let you move in with that…"

  


"Don't!" Nina snaps. "Don't you dare say a word about her! And apologize to…"

  


She turns around but finds the door ajar and Benny's figure already outside in the street. She feels frozen into place in a world of nightmare. This wasn't supposed to be like this. The two men she loves most in her life − although she is starting to entertain serious doubt about one of them − were supposed to reconcile, and Benny was supposed to be back at the shop like it was before, and everything could just be just as it should… By the time she's out on the sidewalk, she can't even see Benny anymore.

  


"Where is…"

  


In the shop, she can't see Usnavi and she supposes he must have found Benny before her. She pulls out her phone and feverishly presses onto his name in her contact list but the phone rings a few times into emptiness before getting to voicemail.

  


"Crap," she says. "Shit. Shit, shit, _shit_."

  


If her mother could hear, she would scold her, but then, Nina is not a little girl anymore. She takes a glance at the store and decides to walk home.

 


	32. A true, true friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benny gets the emotional support he deserves after storming out of the bookshop.

Benny's heart is beating hard in his chest even minutes after he storms out the bookstore and he does nothing to appease its thump at his temples, nothing to unclench his jaw, to loosen his tensed up arms. He doesn't even have an idea of where he's heading, just knows the direction: away from Rosario's, away from Kevin Rosario. And away from Nina.

  


"Benny!"

  


The voice he was expecting never comes, only Usnavi's. At first, Benny pretends he hasn't heard, but Usnavi calls out to him again, and after the third time he turns around to Usnavi sprinting to try and catch up. Huffing heavily − the guy really needs more exercise − he rests his hands on his knees to catch his breath under Benny's dubious stare.

  


"Man, you just… just left like that… God, I hate running…"

  


Without knowing, Benny has walked up to Bennett Park. He remembers a time when they were teenagers when he tried his absolute best to get Usnavi to work out. They'd run laps and laps around the small park but nothing ever did the trick. Not a month after, Usnavi gave up and Benny was left to jogging on his own again while Usnavi watched from the bench. He drops down onto that very same bench now, wincing at the thick and icy cold layer of snow.

  


"Dude, what happened?" He asks, rubbing his butt. "I mean, we heard everything through the door, why was he so mad?"

  


Benny hesitates but seeing Usnavi there, his ever awkward self, shivering because he left his jacket back in the bookshop… He can trust Usnavi, always could. Best friends forever, since forever. There are things you just can't tell anyone else. Cautiously, he wipes off the snow from the other side of the bench and sits down.

  


"So, erm… You been seeing Nina, right?" Usnavi tries again. "I didn't wanna ask the other day but I think maybe you been seeing her…"

  


Benny breathes out, a frustrated sigh.

  


"Yes," he replies, because best start with the easiest way to put it. "We've been dating for, I think a couple months."

  


_Fifty-seven days since that kiss_ , his brain whispers. _Don't pretend you're not sure_. Usnavi's hands fidget at his lap as he processes what Benny just told him and Benny gives him the time. He'll have to go back to work soon anyways, but there's still a bit of time. He asked for the morning off and Daniela, prying and gossipy as she is, let him have it.

  


"That's good, right?" Usnavi eventually asks. "I mean, I knew you were friends and you always got along, so it can only be good…"

  


Benny lets out another sigh, throwing his head back, pinching the brink of his nose.

  


"I… I don't know what's good anymore…"

  


He says nothing for a while, his eyes closed, trying to clear his mind, fucking _think_ about this mess of a situation that escalated way quicker than it had any right to, think about what me might tell Nina, what will happen to them now. An arm around his shoulders gets him out of his nasty thoughts. Usnavi scoots closer to him and holds him tight, pulling him close. The way he shivers, there is probably some self-serving purpose hidden in the gesture as well. Benny chuckles and leans his head against his buddy's.

  


"Thanks, man. I'm just…"

  


He doesn't even know where the words even come from when they start rushing out. Or rather, he knows exactly where this hurt, this resentment is coming from, he knows how it has been building, but he never once thought that Usnavi would be the recipient of this cascade of self-pity. Seeing Usnavi's eyes large with compassion, how he genuinely listens to every word, maybe it makes sense, in a way.

  


"I'm just tired of feeling like I have to walk on egg shells on this whole situation," he sighs. "I'm tired of feeling like I'm the bad guy of this story and I want the story to end and for me and Nina to really open a new one, because we're at the start of something good and I don't want to stay in the shadow of what her dad thinks of me. I'm out and I don't need any more closure."

  


"What? But he has to apologize, I've heard how he…"

  


Something must have shown on Benny's face because Usnavi shuts his mouth very quick, deciding instead to rub Benny's back gently. Benny has never been one to be coddled, but even he can't deny that there is something soothing about Usnavi, frantic little Usnavi who would always bend over backwards to be of any help to his friends.

  


"I've done nothing wrong, I don't need to punish myself anymore. I don't want nothing to do with him and that's that."

  


"But what about…"

  


The name of Nina never leaves Usnavi's mouth, but both of them knows the weight of it hanging between the two of them. What about her? Will he just tell her he wants to never see her family again? Is he just going to avoid the issue entirely and pretend nothing happened? He's sure Nina must be all sorts of worried about this but the thought of seeing her right now is unbearable, not so soon after her own father treated him like a dog turd on the sole of his shoe. Not when he knows he can't say a word of what he thinks about Kevin to her, her dad who raised her, cherishes her, a man who will always be in her life. If Benny wants to be the same, he'll have to at least pretend to… His head hurts with the too many impossibilities of this situation.

  


"I mean, I always thought he was kind of a dick…" Usnavi says cautiously. "I know he's my boss, but like…"

  


Benny chuckles and pulls Usnavi into him to mess with his hair − he groans but lets Benny do as he pleases.

  


"He never… I mean, he doesn't treat _me_ like that. But still. You totally deserve better."

  


"I'm the lucky winner," Benny sighs. Remembering the bakery, he lets go of Usnavi and stretches himself leisurely before standing. "I mean, I really am. I'm out of that place. You should have told me about Daniela way sooner, dude."

  


There's an odd air about Usnavi when Benny mentions his boss's name but he says nothing and for all his gossip has cost him already, Benny doesn't ask for details.

  


"I should get going," he says instead, checking the time on his phone. And the five missed calls. He swallows thickly and pockets it. "Thanks, buddy, I… Thanks."

  


Usnavi tips off his hat.

  


"It was nothing. Payback for, ya know…"

  


For the numerous times Usnavi has made himself welcome in Benny's company to beg for relationship troubles with Vanessa, he supposes. For two people who are not dating, Usnavi and Vanessa have way more married couple troubles than one might think.

  


"And now," Benny says. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to make myself some cake batter to eat all day."

  


He is three spoonfuls into his bowl when Daniela finds him. Hidden away in a corner of the kitchen, sitting cross-legged with the bowl in the middle, he had hoped to be more discreet but he supposes there is no helping her "bloodhound skills", as Vanessa often puts it.

  


"Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes," she tssks, shaking her head. "I don't pay you for whimpering, you know."

  


He glares and she reaches out a hand to help him stand. Reluctantly, he takes it. Daniela throws one glance inside his bowl, frowns in disgust and changes the subject.

  


"I have started on the plan," she says excitedly. "Usnavi and Vanessa will just _have_ to spill the frijoles! They can't avoid me for much longer."

  


Benny looks at her, how she's expecting him to say something, probably to be as excited about this as she is, even though she knows he was against it from the first. He also knows that there's something about Usnavi and Vanessa… Their talk the other day is still fresh in his mind, not to mention the look on Usnavi's glance today when he mentioned Daniela. Benny takes another spoonful of batter and thinks of Nina's unanswered texts.

  


"That's great, boss," he says flatly.

  


Daniela eyes him up and down like she can pierce all the secrets of his soul and make him pay for it. Small blessing, she just shrugs and moves onto her next target.

  


"Carlita, I know something you don't," she sing-songs, leaving Benny to his mood.

  


He grabs his bowl of batter from the counter and sits back right on the floor where he was.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a lot of Benny focused chapters in a row but tbh I love Benny, I'm not sorry


	33. Vanessa's Counterattack

Vanessa pours every bit of anger and frustration into kneading dough. _This one's for Daniela's stupid face, and that one's for Daniela's stupid comments, and then another for Daniela's…_

  


"Van…"

  


She startles at Carla's voice suddenly at her side but relaxes when she recognizes her. And kneads some more, wishing she could have her hands on someone else.

  


"What's up, Carla?" She mutters with gritted teeth, because Carla shouldn't be subjected to her undue acerbity.

  


"You… You sure the dough deserves this?"

  


Vanessa looks down at her batch. The dough has become very tough indeed from too much kneading, but what good is it to stop now? She shrugs. Carla, bless Carla, wraps an arm around her shoulders and even though Vanessa's instinct is to tense up and shove it off, she recalls herself and takes the embrace, even allowing herself a fleeting short moment of leaning into Carla a bit. Only because there's no one to see it. And because Carla always smells like honey and flowers.

  


"I'm gonna take over, alright?" Carla asks sweetly, pulling Vanessa slowly away from the bakery station. "And you go to the shop and clear your mind? I'm sure they could use some help at the front, it's getting busy."

  


Vanessa groans, reluctantly giving up the dough, letting Carla lead her through the swinging doors. Daniela and Benny are at the front but Vanessa only has to take a few steps for Benny's eyes to bulge and in a matter of seconds, he's disappeared back to the kitchen. Daniela is looking at her with a grin on her face that Vanessa wants to punch. She takes a big breath and finds her place at the counter, greeting the next customer, utterly ignoring the bodycon-clad devil at her side.

  


"Well, well, mira who's come to see us…"

  


Impulsively, Vanessa is about to turn and retort that she has every right to come help out at the front of the shop and that she's not just some visitor and she's not a child you can make fun of by stealing her popsicle, but the words die right in her throat when she sees who Daniela was actually talking about.

  


"Hey…" Usnavi says, his hand up in an awkward wave.

  


_He hasn't slept enough_ , she thinks. His eyes are bagged with tiredness and she thinks this situation might be taking a toll on him as well, just like it has on her. _Not that it's for him to know how_ I've _been doing._

  


"Well hello there, cutie," Daniela says and the change in her demeanor is radical. Leaning over the counter seductively, she leans on one elbow, the other hand toying with her hair, and she smiles like an idiot and Vanessa wants to hit her in the face. "Qué haces aquí?"

  


Usnavi keeps glancing at Vanessa, uneasily taking a short step back from Daniela. Vanessa looks away. _Stupid_.

  


"Is Benny here?"

  


"Why?" Daniela asks, her voice honey and molasses. "Don't run away from me so soon, sweetie. I want to see your pretty face."

  


"Well… Nina really wanted me to…"

  


Vanessa doesn't watch. She doesn't _care_. She's only sneaking a peak.

  


"There's, erm… Nina wants to have, like, reading afternoons at the shop with little children and everythin', and she says…" He fidgets with a loose end at the seam of his baggy jeans at his thigh. "She really wanted me to ask Benny about this."

  


"Oh, but I want to talk to you. What do you need, amor?"

  


Vanessa's heart is pounding in her chest. She _hates_ Daniela. She hates her for doing this, for seducing her Usnavi in front of her very eyes like that, and for what? The satisfaction of having Vanessa confess whatever it is she wants her to spill? For the pleasure of humiliating Usnavi? For the joy of bringing them apart because all Vanessa can think about is that Daniela is ruining whatever it was that they had and she can't bring herself to lose herself into Usnavi's arms like she used to? It's not fair and it's not right and she dashes back into the kitchen without one glance back at Usnavi. Damn him too for being too ashamed of what they have to take a stance. 

  


"Benny," she calls out. "A customer needs you to…"

  


She interrupts Carla and Benny shushing whatever poisoned gossip to one another as they were rescuing the dough Vanessa started at the baking station. Benny has the grace to look away in shame − whatever is happening with Daniela, she is sure he must have a hand in it. He was the one who knew. Him and Nina and Abuela Claudia, but what kind of breach of trust would it be to suspect Nina to be guilty of this? And that old lady is just as innocent, she's certain. Glaring at him, trying to ignore him, she gets back to work, putting some order in the pantry shelves but her hands are unstable.

  


"I'm… I'm gonna get this for you," Carla tells Benny, a gentle hand brushing on his shoulder on her way out. "You stay here and…"

  


He nods and Vanessa doesn't even want to know a thing about what these two must have been talking about in the short time she was at the front. She would be perfectly content to just ignore him, but she is soon sensing his presence behind her and walks away, grabbing her phone from her bag, senselessly tapping the screen even though she has no one she wants to text right now.

  


"Van…"

  


"It's Vanessa to you," she grumbles under her breath. She opens her gallery to look at pictures of Pepper (thank the Lord she has plenty) but even that doesn't seem to be soothing her. Slipping the device back into her bag, she stands up and starts pacing, unable to focus on anything but the sight of Daniela batting her eyes at Usnavi.

  


"Look, I'm _sorry_ ," he says. "I don't know what happened exactly, but Dani said…"

  


"Hah! She's telling you everything, is she? Of course, you two share _everything_ , I should have known…"

  


Benny leans against the wall, his hands at his back like a guilty little boy.

  


"C'mon, you know it's not like that…"

  


"How is it, then? How the fuck is Daniela suddenly starting to… to try and flirt with you-know-who in front of me, cause I never told her anything about him! I never said nothing! _You_ told her."

  


"She cornered me!" He says. "I never wanted to say anything, you know how she gets, of all people. I didn't… I didn't know what she was gonna do. I'm sorry, I told you I'm sorry!"

  


"It's _fine_ ," she bites out. "It's completely fine, she can do what the fuck she wants, see if _I_ care."

  


Benny looks at her with pity and Vanessa wants to punch him. Her fists clench and she almost bleeds with her restraint. Not him, she knows. He didn't do anything wrong, or at the very least not much. Daniela is the only one who always plays nasty tricks like that, not Benny. He's right. All the blame should lay on Daniela. It's always her fault.

  


"Vanessa, I think you…"

  


" _I said it's fine!_ "

  


"You don't look fine at all!" Benny cries out, blocking her path as she was pacing the kitchen in fury. "Vanessa, just talk to her or to Us… Ow!"

  


Vanessa jabs a finger into his chest. The poke is a little bit painful and she tells herself Benny is way too strong and muscled for a baker boy. She rubs the hurt finger in her other hand, glaring at Benny.

  


"I shouldn't have to talk to _no one_ ," she hisses. "It's… It's not fair, I don't wanna talk to anyone about anything, okay?"

  


Tentatively, Benny slowly puts down a hand on her shoulder and though Vanessa doesn't take his affection nearly as promptly as she did Carla's, she doesn't push him off either.

  


"She's just trying to mess with you and get a reaction," he says. "You know she's not this… evil demon or something. She just wants you to admit you've been dating Usnavi and…"

  


"Dating?!" Vanessa does shrug him off then and Benny's sheepish face almost makes her regret the gesture if it weren't for how mad she still is about this entire situation. "We've been fucking, that's all. Who the fuck said we're dating?"

  


Benny remains silent and Vanessa remembers that he is supposedly Usnavi's best friend. What a fucking mess this entire situation, if she has to work with Usnavi's possible confident, and Carla and that skank tight as thieves with Usnavi's abuela… She wants the ground to swallow her up.

  


"Okay," she says, breathing deep. "Okay, I know what we're gonna do."

  


"Alright," Benny smiles cautiously. "And what is that?"

  


"We're gonna fucking ignore her."

  


Benny's face falls.

  


"Ignore her? No, Vanessa, you should _talk_ to…"

  


"She wants a reaction out of me? Well, I want her to stop hitting on Usnavi. As long as she does that, she ain't getting what she wants either."

  


"I don't think that's how…"

  


"This is _war_ ," she tells Benny. "And whose side are you on?"

  


He gulps.

  


"Erm…"

  


"Because if you're on mine, we're ignoring her."

  


Benny stares at her for a long few seconds before shrugging, throwing his hands to the sky.

  


"Alright, we're ignoring her."

 


	34. Reconciliation Attempt #1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nina makes the first step.

Nina knows it's considered polite to give people space and she has, she truly has. She has even given herself some time and space, a quiet evening at home to let her mind process everything that happened, run her feelings through their course, but the next day comes with no news of Benny, and the one after that, and she refuses to let this mess end like that.

 

"Oh," Benny says softly when he opens the door. "It's you."

 

"Are you… disappointed?"

 

Immediately, he backtracks and opens the door wide for her to enter.

 

"No, no! God, no. I just, er, wasn't sure you were gonna come."

 

"Well, we can't all be like Vanessa and sulk forever."

 

He snorts and she supposes she can consider that a win. Benny drops onto his sofa like a log before remembering his manners and sitting up straight.

 

"Do you want like a drink or something?"

 

She shakes her head. _I want you_. She sits next to him, flattening the folds of her skirt, staring at her hands.

 

"I… I'm sorry my Dad reacted that way. I didn't think he would, I'd told him to be civil and he just… Well, you know the rest."

 

For what feels like the first time in her life, Nina cannot decipher Benny's face at all. She doesn't like that, not with Benny. Other people remain a mystery sometimes but Benny, he's always been an open book to her. Is this the natural pendant of them growing closer? Are they bond to be distanced again, and even farther than they were?

 

"It's fine," he eventually says, his head dropping on the back of the sofa, staring at the ceiling. "It's not your fault."

 

She wishes she'd think the same. Ever since Benny left the shop, the same thoughts have been churning in her mind and she can only come to the conclusion that the entire situation is her fault. She should have found better arguments to convince her father. She should have soothed Benny sooner. She should never have let this escalate like it did and the silence of the past few days has also been her doing.

 

"No, it is," she says, "And I'm here to make amends. You and my dad will make up, and…"

 

"This isn't…" Benny retorts exasperatedly before stopping himself, his fists clenched on his knees. He breathes deeply. "Nina, I don't know if this is the right time to make up."

 

Her hands start shaking and she flattens them on her thighs to stop it.

 

"Oh. No, alright, I… I understand. Not right now."

 

Benny still isn't looking at her when he replies so very softly, as if the words frightened him as well.

 

"I don't know if we'll ever make up."

 

She tries to ignore the pang at her heart at the words. How is it that her parents' grasp on her never ceases? That everything that goes wrong in her life can be traced back to them? It's unfair and she sighs heavily.

 

"Never?" She asks shyly.

 

"I don't know," he insists. "I… I had his back, you know? I was a good worker and a good friend to you and Usnavi and even your mom, but the moment I started to, you know, be into you, he just forgot about all that and…"

 

In a perfect world, Benny would have been the ideal son-in-law. Charming and well-behaved, kindhearted, he would be someone she would be proud to bring to her parents' home and introduce as the man of her dreams. In a perfect world, her dad would see in Benny everything she knows there is. The past few days at the shop have been filled with sulking silence on both sides and if it weren't for Usnavi awkwardly trying to mend the wounds, she is certain the unsaid words would have burst out violently again. She's not even sure what it would take for Kevin Rosario to do to make himself forgiven. And she thinks she's sure he will not do any of it. Not without help.

 

"He's an idiot," she says. "He's being an idiot. I've told you, I'll talk to him, I'm sure I can fix everyth…"

 

"I said _no_ ," Benny says, loud and final. His voice came harsher than he meant, it seems, as he looks at Nina with widened guilty eyes, but his resolve is clear. "I'm not ready. I… can't."

 

"So what you said was true after all… You really don't want to come back to the shop."

 

Slowly, he nods, gulping thickly. She wonders for how long this has been a truth untold. Nina tries to clear her mind, realign herself into this new reality that she wants nothing to do with. It was never supposed to be this way. Weren't her and Benny destined to be together, work together, live together, to have a future all traced? What about the books she lends him? She thinks back on all the plans she had been laying and wonders how many of them are going to waste now.

 

"I like it at the bakery," he says and for the first time, she sees the hint of a true smile on his face. "I found something good. I don't want to let it go. Not even for…"

 

He holds his tongue but Nina guesses she knows the ending to that. _Not even for me._ Her heart feels like it might burst and she wishes she could have time by herself to sort her thoughts, to readjust, but all she can see is that her destiny seems to be pulling away from Benny's. All she can see is failure.

 

"I'm sorry," she says. "I'm sorry, I wish I could be enough for…"

 

"This isn't about you!" He retorts, perhaps more sharply than she's used to. "Not everything is about you! You can't fix _everything_ , Nina."

 

She blinks away tears and feels her lip quivering. Benny's hand finds hers at her lap but she snatches them away.

 

"I shouldn't have said that," he mutters. "Nina, I…"

 

He holds up his arms to offer a hug and tempted as she is to refuse it, she needs it every bit as much as he does. She melts into the embrace, tucking her face into his shoulder and he wraps a protective arm around her, keeping her close. The hug lingers much longer than it has any right to yet Nina doesn't find all the relief she has come used to getting from Benny's arms. With a kiss on the head, he lets her go and offers to watch something and as much as she wants to keep talking, to work on a solution, to think of anything at all, she stays silent and nods.

 

Their argument comes to an end, but it's not nearly over. Nina was raised to be kind and thoughtful and to listen to her parents, but she was also always told to be clever and to seek what's right. And when that is in conflict with her parents themselves, she doesn't know what she's supposed to do. They spend the night watching TV in silence and although they're cuddling, there's a stiffness to it, a silence that won't be breached. Maybe Benny is right after all. Only time might fix this one way or another.

 

She comes home to Vanessa sulking on the sofa staring into a blank TV and furiously petting Pepper, who seems to be taking his role of stress relief very seriously.

 

"Van?"

 

Vanessa looks at her then, as if only noticing her presence, but she is glaring.

 

" _Don't even ask_ ," she bites out.

 

Nina blinks a few times and thinks better than to ask. She drops next to Vanessa on the couch. Like clockwork, Pepper jumps off Vanessa's lap and goes off to her room. Just as she's about to ask Vanessa if there is anything she wants, Vanessa drops sideways like a dead weight, her head landing heavily on Nina's lap, and she groans loudly.

 

"Yeah," Nina says. "I agree."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I was in such a low productivity mode the past few… months… I apologize. I do intend to finish this fic.


End file.
